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CD13244496 SparkPoints: (37,673)
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10/10/12 1:28 P

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IF WE HAVE TO "DE-PLANE", THEN WHY DON'T WE HAVE TO DE-CAR, OR DE- BIKE OR DE-TRAIN?

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/9/12 10:49 A

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The only people who really love change are damp babies.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/8/12 1:54 P

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My accountant is so rich he takes his vacation in March.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/7/12 9:17 A

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You know the crime rate in New York City is getting bad when the Statue of Liberty has both hands up.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/6/12 6:42 A

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First fisherman: "This lake any good for fish?" Second fisherman: "Must be, can't get any of them to come out!"

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/5/12 4:47 P

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Besides "I Love You", the three words a wife often likes hearing the most is, "I'll fix it."

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/2/12 1:08 P

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When the plastic surgeon helped his patient off the chair, she thanked him for the lift.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
10/1/12 6:20 P

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Life was simpler when people honored their fathers and mothers and not all major credit cards.

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SLAU52 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/30/12 8:10 A

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HAHAHAHA - That was really cute

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/30/12 7:16 A

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An optimist created airplanes. A pessimist created seat belts.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/29/12 8:51 A

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There is no problem under the sun too big to run from.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/28/12 5:44 P

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A floor lamp usually has three levels of brightness:dim flicker, and out.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/27/12 4:34 P

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Adam told Eve it's he who wears the plants in the family.

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JULESMOM55's Photo JULESMOM55 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/27/12 8:54 A

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Funny Jim!

~ Kathy


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JIMIPAGE29's Photo JIMIPAGE29 Posts: 3,995
9/26/12 9:59 P

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A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/26/12 3:51 P

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Funny!!

If regular exercise is good for you, why do athletes often retire by the time they're 35?

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BETSYBEACH's Photo BETSYBEACH Posts: 2,864
9/26/12 5:20 A

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What goes "HA HA HA PLUNK!" ???

Someone laughing their head off.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/25/12 2:53 P

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What do you get for someone who has it all? Antibiotics.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/24/12 1:43 P

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cute!

If you can swallow an aspirin at a drinking fountain, you deserve to feel better.

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SH9719's Photo SH9719 SparkPoints: (40,217)
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9/24/12 10:37 A

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And Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar to have a beer.
A Fly lands in each mans beer.
The Englishman is disgusted and asks for a new beer
The Scotsman simply flicks the fly away and drinks the beer.
The Irishman picks the fly up and yells at it to spit it out.

Steve


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JULESMOM55's Photo JULESMOM55 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/12 9:41 A

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What do you call Santa's helpers?



Subordinate clauses.

~ Kathy


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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/23/12 4:28 P

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I like that one!

He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.

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RVANTER's Photo RVANTER SparkPoints: (0)
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9/23/12 10:18 A

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What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Happy Sunday!

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JIMIPAGE29's Photo JIMIPAGE29 Posts: 3,995
9/22/12 11:15 P

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lol Pickie no redneck joker here.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/22/12 8:09 A

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Why should you never fly with Peter Pan? Because you'll never, never land.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/21/12 5:34 P

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Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball? She ran away from the ball and had a pumpkin for a coach!

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/20/12 3:45 P

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Funn-nee! Jimi, is that a redneck joke?

The second day of a diet is usually easier that the first, as by then, you're likely off it.

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BAMAJAM Posts: 2,224
9/20/12 2:03 P

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... Inscribed on the tombstone of a hypochondriac:
" SEE, I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK "

Rejoice in each new day; it is a gift!


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JIMIPAGE29's Photo JIMIPAGE29 Posts: 3,995
9/19/12 7:37 P

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lady gets all excited at Tim Hortons after rolling down the side to reveal she won. She screamed "I won an RV woohoo" Get beind the counter says that impossible we aren't giving away RV's. Lady says look right here Win a Bagel.


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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/19/12 12:38 P

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Frequent flyer mils are like business travelers combat pay.

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JULESMOM55's Photo JULESMOM55 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/19/12 11:53 A

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Why do elephants wear tennies?


Because ninies are too small and elevenies are too big.

~ Kathy


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CAROLYN412's Photo CAROLYN412 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/18/12 10:58 P

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How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint his toenails red.

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9/18/12 10:56 P

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One day an ant found his best friend running furiously back and forth across the top of a cereal box. He asked why? His friend said,"I'm following directions. It says tear across dotted line."

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9/18/12 10:54 P

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How can you tell if there is an invisible elephant in your living room?
You can smell the peanuts on his breath.

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9/18/12 10:53 P

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How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide in the bushes and make noises like a carrot.

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CAROLYN412's Photo CAROLYN412 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/18/12 10:52 P

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Remember the elephant jokes from the 1960's?

How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
You can tell because there are footprints in the jello.


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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/16/12 7:57 A

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How do sailors get clean? They throw themselves overboard and wash up on the beach.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/15/12 6:23 P

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Great one KL!!!! LOL!

You never see a U-Haul following a hearse, so I suppose it's true that you can't take it with you.

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JULESMOM55's Photo JULESMOM55 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/12 9:01 A

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Funny KL!

~ Kathy


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CD12993839 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/12 8:45 A

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Vampire #1: I heard you broke up with your girlfriend. What happened?
Vampire #2: She just wasn't my type.

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/14/12 3:42 P

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What do you call children of couch potatoes? Tater tots.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/13/12 4:25 P

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What do you call a raincoat-clad parrot? Polly Unsaturated.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/12/12 1:29 P

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Been there,done that!!LOL emoticon

When you cross a tapeworm and a porcupine, you get about ten feet of barbed wire.

Edited by: PICKIE98 at: 9/12/2012 (13:30)
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CD12428757 Posts: 1,021
9/11/12 9:21 P

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Perhaps not, but when I went roller skating my end came to the earth! emoticon

PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/11/12 2:05 P

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The earth will not come to an end because it's round.

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PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/10/12 4:17 P

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SH: Tears in my eyes, laughing...

That IS funny.

A man decided to swim the backstroke, as he hadn't had lunch yet and didn't want to swim on an empty stomach.

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SH9719's Photo SH9719 SparkPoints: (40,217)
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9/9/12 3:09 P

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A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting,
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blond women that way?
What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb!

You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize,
but the blonde interrupts again yelling .....

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little $%%# on your lap."

Steve


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CD12428757 Posts: 1,021
9/8/12 6:53 P

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Joe, "I spent $10 on a canary yesterday."
Larry, "That's nothing. I spent $50 on a lark."

CD12812602 Posts: 2,254
9/8/12 12:37 P

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Funny Quote
Age Quotes
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
John Mendoza

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
Robert Quillen

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
Geoffrey Parfitt


PICKIE98's Photo PICKIE98 Posts: 66,739
9/8/12 6:53 A

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that 's a good one!!!LOL!

Eventually the elephants were thrown out of the swimming pool for continuing to drop their trunks.

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