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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 16,406
10/23/20 8:52 A

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Hi Everybody !!

Just sort of checking in with all of you and to thank you all who have sent healing thoughts to me ! I don't have time to write the long passage that I owe to you all, but I did want to show up and put my two cents in, regarding having a great weekend and a totally fantastic Friday !! I have missed you all !! It has been awhile since my last good post. I want to welcome all the new faces that I see who have joined in the conversation the past few weeks. It will be a pleasure to get to know you and to learn about you and your journeys. So, Hi to all my older buddies and Hello to MOMOF4RASCALS, MCD01127, SJMTELLER, and BEACHCOMBER16 !! Kat, Val, Eve , Miller and Sarah, so nice to read what you all have written recently. I feel as if I might get to catch up soon. I will return with a better post soon, until then Happy Trails and take care and God bless, love, Deb :)

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Spring 5% Challenge 2019
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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10/21/20 4:17 P

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Welcome MCD01127

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10/21/20 3:40 P

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Hello everyone!

I just wanted to drop by and say hello. I just joined Sparkpeople, looking for a little support on my weight loss journey.

I have a long way to go but I'm going to try my best to stay on track.

Have a great day! Missy


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10/21/20 10:35 A

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Nope, she stayed wide awake and she still awake. She doesn't sleep ever. Of course I have to be on the ball to help my other kids with remote learning.

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10/21/20 10:16 A

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Looks like the week is OK for most of us.

RascallyMom, your 3 am son story made me laugh, then sober up thinking about the reality of how sleep deprivation can impact so much . Hope you made it through .....or did you suceed in getting him back to sleep...and you, too?

Grey day so far. Time to get my body moving with a Coach Nicole workout. Be safe, all.

I am opening up to the possibilities of each day. I see that spark within others.


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
10/21/20 9:20 A

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Kate, thatís great news about getting help for Malcolm! Awesome work - thatís good ďmommingĒ!

And I can completely relate to getting vapor-locked on the Things To Do list - right now Iím stalled out bcz I canít find my leather punch. I bought Moonie a new bridle (hey, while I shouldnít have spent the money - things are always tight for me near the end of the month - it was HALF PRICE at $32 so I couldnít resist!) but itís too big, it appears to be sized for a draft horse. Yet I really want to get it fitted out for him so I can use it this weekend... I may have taken it to work with me, hopefully Iíll have a chance to search around the clinic today.

Speaking of mind-altering substances, I broke my abstinence & had a cup of coffee this morning after almost a month off of it - I got up this morning with a Unisom headache (also been taking quarter to half doses as a sleep aid, last night I took half a tablet) so I really couldnít face a Wacky Wednesday without that extra jolt of caffeine...

My mom for some reason is trying to run off her caretaker, now since we are going to a long-awaited open house at the assisted living facility tomorrow, she has told Patricia we wonít need her for the rest of the weekend (Thurs - Sun)?? WTH? Watch - then sheíll complain about being lonely because I AM going riding with my friends this weekend!

Val

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10/21/20 8:19 A

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I am struggling today. My mom (who lives with my family) is up in Michigan, I live in Kansas. She been there for over a month helping her mom who adjusting after the death of her husband. Anyway, she was going to come back this weekend and now she can't because she fell so hard she broke her arm and now needs surgery. I miss her around the house.

But not only that, my lovely two year old decided three am was a great time to get up for the day.

Plus, I am trying to get off caffeine. Ahhh

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/20/20 2:56 P

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Miller-- if a bat came at me I would scream and probably poop my pants. I can't imagine.

@SMJTELLER I am doing pretty good when I make daily lists for just daily goals. I made a list 3 days ago and with my anxiety just couldn't do anything at all. Last night I felt pretty good and not tired enough to take my daily nap so I took the old list and knocked several things off it. That felt good. My problem is when I make even a weekly list-- unless I break it down daily I do not stick to it. I listened to a recording I made of my 3 month goals at the beginning of summer... bummer, hardly anything got done or progress made on it.

Scarlett- I admire the work you do. I have some teacher friends who have expressed to me the difficulties of teaching online. My hat is off to you. Thank you for your dedication in teaching our younger generations.

I got my son medicaid today !!!! emoticon I made the call because his anxiety and depression have been keeping him from taking any action. As much as I kept holding out expecting/demanding/ wanting him to be a grown up at 23 and handle his own calls...he is just not mentally capable. I have been fighting tooth and nail to get him to get his own insurance for 3 years. His back is so bad this summer that he sometimes can't even sit up for 2 hours at a time without tears falling. He can't walk 2 miles without being winded and having to stop all the time. And his depression is getting a lot worse...he is sleeping 16 hours a day if he doesn't get high. When he isn't smoking pot he deals with his anxiety and his negative thoughts that constantly put him down and telling him what a terrible person he is. Then he gets to where he doesn't want to live so he sleeps.

Now he can get into the doctor for his back so he can physically be suited to go back to work. He can get into the psychiatrist in December for medication for the anxiety. Then he can get into therapy. Usually you have to see the therapist first and new patient appointments take 4 months out to schedule. But they said he could get in to see the psych first now. I am SOOO happy.

Today started out with little things continually happening and irritating/frustrating me. But with this insurance taken care of I am very very happy.

Edited by: SPARKKITTY2016 at: 10/20/2020 (14:59)
looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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10/20/20 10:16 A

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After a wonderful 5 days with my sister, brother-in-law, and spouse I found it hard being back home and not being stimulated by conversations. Did some stress eating and very minimal movement. So, I'm right with you all ....time to re-commit, re-assess my goals, and recognize the many choices and opportunities to express myself, acknowledge my feelings, and feed myself with more than food.

Thanks for all of your honest sharing. With you I can move more, eat less and be of more service to others. Time to pull up those symbolic suspenders today, and get sparking.


I am opening up to the possibilities of each day. I see that spark within others.


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BEACHCOMBER16's Photo BEACHCOMBER16 SparkPoints: (47,575)
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10/19/20 7:58 P

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Miller, thank you for the info on the Rescue Remedy. I don't blame you for waiting on that knee replacement. I would be worry about maybe slipping on ice in the winter.

Kate, I can not imagine having a possum in the house. I would have really freaked out. I have had a snake, lizard, and mouse in the house before but nothing bigger. I freaked about the small critters too LOL. I am thankful the Lord sent you an angel to help when you needed it.

I had a good day at school. I am teaching virtually from my classroom. This week we are testing. I also scrubbed down approximately 24 child sized chairs with pine sol. They will have to be wiped off again before the children come in January but I was getting all of the paint and dirt off from last year.

Scarlet- Eastern Time Zone
MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/18/20 9:14 P

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Hi all.

SCARLET, I'm not familiar with Rescue Remedy, either, but I looked it up on Google to try to find out what it is. Search results came up for pets, kids and "humans." I found some on Amazon and it looks like it's a homeopathic stress relief product. The one I found was in a bottle with dropper form and I "think" it is for humans.

KATE, thank you so much. *I'm so happy that your teeth are doing well and I'm thrilled that the "angels" are helping out Malcolm and you. *Glad the possum was finally caught. We had one in our utility room one time, but it didn't get in the house. We have had lizards and even a bat inside and the bat was very scary - it flew straight at me and freaked me out. This was just about a month ago. Don't remember if I told y'all about it or not. Katie caught it in a pot with a plate for a lid and took it outside. She was so calm and I was a complete wreck. I guess it's because she works with animals and loves them. I love animals, too, but not bats. *The lady with 35 yrs off mind altering substances sounds like a great sponsor.



Hope everyone else is doing well. I'm having a lot of pain, but I've reduced the dosage of Prednisone and the cold snap isn't helping. I need to have the other knee replaced, but want to wait until the spring, if possible. Maybe the pandemic will have calmed down a bit by then. The knee I had replaced still gives me problems, so I'm not in any hurry to go through all the pain of the surgery and recovery any time soon.

Wishing everyone a pleasant week.

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/18/2020 (21:16)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/18/20 8:39 P

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Sarah-- so glad you had a good week.. YAY

Miller-- I really enjoyed your poems. Thank you for sharing, Please do so again,

Sorry it has been a few days. My anxiety has been VERY high. The last 2 mornings I woke at 6 am to Malcolm upset because he (saturday SAW and Sunday HEARD) a critter in the kitchen. This is my son freaked out by gnats...now imagine him with a possum in our kitchen. Yeah! Its been a stressful weekend. The possum got away into a wall Saturday when the landlords daughter had come to catch it. I thoroughly blocked the big hole and attemted to close off a small hole but there was a little space that he must have come back in through Sunday morning, THe landlords daughter caught it today and took it back to her house to decide where to release it. Apparently she caught one upstairs last week and released it on the property with an open bin set up as a refuge for it... hmmm... gues it wanted to come back into the heated house instead of its nest she made.

On good news... a couple angels who know I have been back to cooking for Malcolm in the middle of the night (when he is awake since he sleeps all day and wont use the stove or oven for big fear of burning himself again)...anyway these angels are chipping in to buy some sandwhich stuff so he can feed himself. He chose to buy eggs again because they are cheap but he can't cook them. We have 2 large bills from his police and jail issues this summer that are taking half of my check the next few paydays so that leaves like $70 for food and household supplies. This sandwhich help is going to really be wonderful. I will be able to go back to work at my friends house probably next weekend since my teeth are doing well. I am really grateful for the help inbetween.

God has inspired others to help right when I need it in the midst of the emotional stress with Malcolm's depression and his overly intense reactions and lectures do to the varmint.

I need to stay focussed on my blessings rather that stuck in my anxiety.

ANother good note. I had a long conversation with a lady who had been off all mind altering chemicals for 35 years. I have been thinking of asking her to sponsor me in NA. After talking to her today and having such a good rapport I asked her if it would be ok for me to consider for a little while if i would like her to sponsor me--- or did she have too many sponsees already. She said it would be fine. I am 95% sure i am going to ask her, I am looking forward to it,

I heard from Deb. She is busy 12 hours+ a day 5days a week woth Micah but said she will try to post real soon.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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10/18/20 9:58 A

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I am curious. What is Rescue Remedy? I saw it mentioned for anxiety.

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/17/20 10:24 A

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SARAH, thank you. *I'm sorry you had such a stressful week, but it sounds like everything is coming together now. Glad you'll get some rest at the beginning of the week. *Exciting that you get the new car on Wednesday!!
emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
10/17/20 9:26 A

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Hi Everyone!

Kate I have been having the girls every single weekend with no breaks in between. It has been rough but right now it is the best thing for them. I am sorry your son has depression right now.

Miller I like your poems.

Thursday night was a good night for me. My dad's check for the car came in the mail and I put it into the bank. Also my psychiatrist phone appointment went well and she did not prescribe me any new medications.

Then on Friday morning I checked my bank account and the check had already posted! I'm not sure how that happened so I tried to get an hour off of work right away and to see if I could get the title for the car taken care of so I could pick up the new car on Saturday. But at 9 am I called the guy at the dealership and he said he had off that day and that they don't deliver cars on a Saturday so I am set to get the new car on Wednesday. I cancelled my request for the PTO that I had asked for and also cancelled the appointment to take my cat to the vet and moved it to November 11th. I don't want to be stuck with a cat that hates the car as it is if I get stuck taking her to the vet on Wednesday morning before getting the new car.

At lunch I got even more done. I made an appointment for both girls to see the dentist on November 20th as my ex had asked. I got the morning of November 11th off work and the whole day on November 20th.

I slept in this morning and feel well. I am recovering from my very stressful week. Someone suggested I get Rescue Remedy for my anxiety as I had suggested to Kate. I am not sure if I need it though because on Thursday night I just took a klonopin for it.. I may order some Rescue Remedy since I don't have any. I am glad all I have to do today is the laundry and go to the grocery store and then tomorrow I take the kids back to there dad. Then I don't go anywhere until Wed when I get the new car!

Sarah
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/16/20 8:19 P

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Thank you, Scarlet. I really appreciate your kind comments. emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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10/14/20 6:26 P

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Miller, I am sorry your daughter has had so many challenges. I can understand why you would worry. I hope things get better for her. emoticon

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/13/20 6:10 P

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SCARLET, I'm very sorry you worry and feel sad about your son's future. I don't know his particular issues, but can definitely relate and empathize. My daughter graduated from college (she had two mini-breakdowns and it took her 5 yrs to graduate), but then after working for only three months at a really good job, she had a total nervous breakdown and didn't work for 4 years. She had 30 transcranial magnetic stimulation treatments and even tried therapeutic ketamine therapy. She's on about a dozen medications and many of them are "heavy duty" medications. We thought she would never work again and worried all the time about what would happen to her. We still worry, as she's an only child, still lives at home (at age 29) and doesn't make a living wage. She's doing something she likes now, but makes very little money. Her Dad and I are her only support system and we fear for her future after we're gone. She's never dated or been in a relationship and only has one friend who she only sees maybe two times a year.

I hope things get better with your son and, like you, I hope we can all find ways to deal with the stress and sadness and have more of the happy times.
emoticon emoticon

Miller



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/13/2020 (18:11)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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10/13/20 4:39 P

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Hi everyone. It sounds like children are a common thread for all of us. They seem to have the power to make us blissfully happy or plummet us to despair. I know I used to get so stressed when my kids fought. They do not fight as much now that they are older, but I still find that worrying about my son and his future makes me worried and sad. I hope we all can find ways to deal with the stress and sadness and look forward to more of the happy.

Scarlet- Eastern Time Zone
MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/13/20 2:27 P

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Hi all.

KATE, you inspired me to share some of my poems in a blog. It's entitled "For Kate, my kind Spark friend_some amateur poems. They're not very good, but I'm honored that you would maybe read them. The 3 I chose are rhyming poems, but I'm sure in the past I have written ones that don't rhyme. Anyway, it's just a hobby for fun

I'm very sorry Malcolm is so depressed that he cried. It hurts when our children hurt and it's also hard to always be compassionate. I know, because I told my husband the other night that Katie was driving me crazy. She's kind, but I have to constantly reassure her and build her up when I feel I have nothing to draw from because my inner resources are depleted. Sometimes it takes a lot out of us to handle our own mental & emotional issues while trying support a loved one with those same issues. Some days, it feels impossible to keep going, at least to me. I hope Malcolm can go without the weed for two weeks without getting very mean or angry. I wish you both grace to get through the days.

It's wonderful that you had such a good day yesterday. I hope today is just as good.

Big Hugs,

Miller

Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/13/2020 (14:40)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/13/20 2:03 P

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Sarah-- I am so sorry you are going through so much. I can tell it is overwhelming you by what your wrote. I am praying for you. I pray that hings lighten up, that the girls behave when you have them or that you can arrange for only one at a time...but with that you would have one every weekend and I know you like to have some down time for yourself as well. You are in my thoughts.

Miller-- I would love to read some of your poetry, Have you thought of putting it in a blog on here?

My son is really depressed again. He actually cried after he asked me why I seemed frustrated and I answered that everytime I bring him something he has asked for he makes me wait and hold it while he does other things that could wait. I didnt say it snotty or anything but he said he just couldn't take it and I made him feel like he is a bad person on top of how low he is and hates his life.

The problem is he is still smoking pot this week which usually keeps him happy. But the stuff he bought for a bargain turned out to be really weak stuff and that is all he has left right now. I am apprehensive because when he is NOT smoking he gets irritated, loud, sometimes mean and angry. Not abusive like this summer....just loud with his grumpy rude self. He says he is going to go 2 + weeks without it.

I know-- its selfish and self centered of me. I could be more compassionate about his depression and anxiety rather than focused on how I will deal with him.

I had a really good day yesterday. I made a list of things to-do including lengths to read out of several books. I got almost all of it done. It felt good.I'm working on doing that again today.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/13/20 7:46 A

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SARAH, I'm sorry everything has been so stressful and there's so much pressure on you. I'm glad talking with your Mother helped you feel better and I hope everything all works out well.

KATE, it's great that you're writing a book. You write so well and I enjoy reading your blogs.

SCARLET, I have wanted to write a book since I was a child, too, but the most I seem to be able to do is write poetry and little stories and I'm not sure how good they are.



Nothing new with me. Same old, same old. Hope everyone enjoys the day.

Miller



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 10/13/2020 (07:48)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
10/12/20 7:52 P

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I almost posted in bad day because yesterday and today have been so bad! My daughters had a horrible fight on Saturday evening and then on Sunday morning they had another one! I couldn't take the Sunday morning one and left them when they were not fighting and in separate rooms. I had just finished the library book I had gotten so I decided to take it back to the library and I called my mom. She said to tell them I may have to get them one at a time if they are going to fight like this because I can't put up with it. You know have Megan one weekend and then the next weekend have Michelle. I told them this and then when I dropped them off I told them I would have Michelle the next weekend. Megan complained that she wouldn't survive a weekend alone at the girlfriend's. So dramatic and of course she gets in there that her dad wouldn't like it. Then she tells me that she and Michelle worked out a compromise that one of them would sleep in the living room and alternate doing that. The only problem is that these fights did not happen at night! They happened during day hours.

Today I was just upset that I had sent 2 emails about the car to my dad and he never responded to them and it had me all stressed out and I couldn't breath. So I called him immediately after work and he said he would send a personal check to me and then I would put it in the bank and then I would write a check for the car dealership. It may have to be certified but I'm not sure.

I called my mom after talking to my dad and she helped me out to feel better. I feel real bad about asking my dad for this kind of money! Today I felt like I wanted to die and it actually started on Sunday because of the fight between the girls. I was so unmotivated on Sunday I slept on a mattress pad last night and could not even put new sheets on the bed after taking them off to get washed. I could not exercise and I could not put the laundry away. Tonight after I talked to my mom; I was able to exercise for 30 minutes, change the cat box, make my bed and run the dish washer. Still need to put the laundry away but I think that can wait for another night. Last night I went to bed around 7 pm with my light in my bedroom on and no sheets and slept until 6:15 or so this morning. I was just so unmotivated and depressed.

I guess I'm just under a lot of stress getting the car and then the girls fighting. I couldn't call the dentist to set up an appointment for the girls because I just felt so overwhelmed. My ex wants me to do that and I told him last week that he would have to do it and I don't think he will. So basically I'm going to have to find some time for that too!

I feel better now and thanks for letting me rant. My mom really made me feel better and she said I could always call her again tonight if I still felt like I had problems with motivation.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/12/20 12:58 P

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Sarah-- congrats on the car!! I hope you get a lot of mileage on it. Thank you for the well wishes with my teeth.

@BEACHCOMBER16 Scarlet- thank you for the well wishes on the book. You should write one!!! Its a fun hobby. Eve does it professionally. She has written several and they are on Amazon.

Edited by: SPARKKITTY2016 at: 10/12/2020 (13:06)
looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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10/10/20 6:12 P

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Well I went with the Subaru Impreza because it has all wheel drive. It is white with ivory interior. It is not as smooth as the Honda Civic but I will get used to driving it. I was very nervous when I drove it so that might be why I had trouble and the guy came with us which was surprising. My mom told me because of Covid-19 they have not been coming with us but this guy did. At the Honda dealer we test drove it alone.

Kat I am glad you got your teeth out. I hope the irritation and soreness goes away. Good luck with the book!


Sarah
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BEACHCOMBER16's Photo BEACHCOMBER16 SparkPoints: (47,575)
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10/10/20 10:55 A

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Good luck with your book. Since I was a child, I have always had a desire to write a book.

Scarlet- Eastern Time Zone
SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/10/20 10:26 A

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Miller-- it is so good to see you!

Well my teeth are out and I do not have any pain now. Just some irritation and soreness.

I talked with my writing coach last night and we covered a lot of good ground. It is time to get busy on my book again.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
10/8/20 7:21 P

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emoticon Hi all.

It must have been a long while since I posted here because I stopped getting notifications for this thread and I kept forgetting to stop by.

KATE, Iím sorry that your great aunt and your Spark friend passed away. I hope youíre comforted by good memories of them and knowing theyíre in a better place. *What a kind friend to take you to get your nails done and get groceries. I only had my nails done once at a salon and they looked so pretty that I found myself driving down the road looking at my hands instead of the road. Caught myself before I hit anyone! *I can relate to feeling intense anxiety when it feels like there's really nothing to be anxious about. I think thatís how General Anxiety Disorder affects me or maybe itís the PTSD. Sometimes I try taking slow deep breaths, but Iím also fortunate to have some medication for the worst times. Hugs to you.

VAL, nice pic of you and your lovely horse.

SCARLET (BEACHCOMBER16), Welcome to Daily Chat!

EVE, Iím so glad you had such a wonderful visit with your son.

SARAH, I think itís great that your father is in a position to buy you a car. You can surely save a lot of money by buying outright and not financing.

VESPA, I hope your studies and co-presentation go well. Also, Happy Birthday! (a bit early).

SMJTELLER, itís so kind of you to spend time with family and also to be gentle with your spouse and yourself.




Things are going okay with me. I don't really have anything of note to share.

I hope everyone has a restful night and a good day tomorrow. emoticon emoticon

Miller emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/8/20 7:55 A

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Sarah- No I hadn't even heard of Rescue Remedy. I should look into it,

@SMJTELLER My son has depression. It can be hard to live with someone who also has depression when I do as well. My thoughts are with you. I tend to be the sensitive one in my home. Any tone of judgement can lower my mood.

my anxiety was low when I woke at 6am. Its almost 8 and it is starting to rise. So I'm gonna get off here and start to get ready for wrk to get my mind busy.

I hope everyone has a very good day.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
10/7/20 5:58 A

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Hi Everyone!

Yes, Vespa it is so good that my dad can help me out! I feel bad though. I hate to ask for it and wish I didn't need that amount of money but he doesn't believe in financing or leasing or anything like that. I will write more below but my car options have changed although the Hyundai Accent I am still considering. Congratulations on working on your Master's program! Hope you do well this week! Hope you have a great presentation and birthday! I know you are not new. You have posted before!

Kat I hope you zoom meeting went well. I am sorry you have such anxiety and nothing to do for it. There is a homeopathic available for stress called Rescue Remedy. Have you ever tried that?

Yes Val, my old Ford Escort lasted me 13 years! Impressive! This Hyundai Accent is on it's 10th. Thank you for the suggestion on the retired rental cars.

Hi SMJTELLER! I think you have posted before. You are writing a book! How exciting! I am sorry for the loss of your father. I am sorry your spouse suffers from clinical depression. Take care.

Eve I am glad you heard from Phillip. Hope your talk with him went well.

Now for news on the car situation:
I did talk to my dad last night and he is willing to send a check after I pick out a car and get a definite price. He says they should be willing to wait. I hope so. It is a little odd and I hope I don't get any trouble over it but I am buying the car outright so I may not.

Okay so I joined Consumer Reports for the $10 a month so I could look at cars and get a better idea. I have decided it is between another Hyundai Accent (which I have now) and a Subaru Impreza. The Impreza is very highly rated although a little more expensive but it may be worth it. I looked at what is at the lots near me and the Subaru may be the best bet because they had the most on the lot and the Hyundai dealer only had one. Unfortunately, I cannot take a man with me because the only guy I know who would be willing to help is afraid of Covid-19 and wouldn't even meet me recently to exchange a movie and book that I lent him. So I would be doing this this Saturday by myself with my daughter, Michelle, who insists on tagging along.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
10/6/20 12:19 P

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SMJTELLER: It took me a minute to realize you are likely to be one of the few 'males' in our chat group -- and I admire you for joining. But it sounds like you are handling your situation with a lot of compassion and knowledge. Good for you!

SARAH: Having a father who is able and willing to help out with the cost of a car is wonderful. It takes so much of the stress out of getting out there and actually 'doing' it. I wish I was there to help you, I worked for a car dealership for years, and I have also owned my own dealership. So I come from a long line of car people. Try to search the Internet for what the price should be on the car of your choice. Contrary to the advice Val gas you on rental cars -- we found them to be well maintained, but high mileage. I like to go for the low mileage cars. When I bought the Kia Soul it had only 8,000 miles on it which is extremely low for a 2-year old car. My granddaughter has been driving it for years and it gives her no problems.

KAT: i don't envy you the dental problems, and I hope everything turns out for the best. It is a lot to go through, but you will be soooo happy in the long run.

As far as the news on Philip goes, he is due to arrive in Houston on Wednesday. The last 1 or 2 months have been a constant struggle for him. Some days we had no communication at all as either his "connection" which I am assuming means Internet wasn't picking up or he was exhausted from all the stress that was going on. Tomorrow we might actually get to talk on a phone call where you can hear each other.

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10/6/20 11:05 A

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Getting a new-to-you car, time with grown children and with friends, writing a book! Reading everyone's recent posts to catch up and -again- I realize how even with depression, life and love go on. Thanks for sharing.

I am moving through this first year without my father. Making more of an effort to be available to family. Helping my daughter by picking up her youngest daughter from school on 2 Fridays this month and spending time with my sister Nancy and brother-in-law Mike. Keeping space in my heart with my spouse who also suffers from clinical depression and now her SAD kicks in and I remind myself .....be gentle. She doesn't talk much, but ....oh, boy....she reads body language and is sensitive to any type of judgment. Again, I remind myself be gentle with her and with myself. emoticon

I am opening up to the possibilities of each day. I see that spark within others.


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
10/6/20 9:22 A

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Well Sarah - now that Iíve gotten the key-fob issues sorted out w/my Maxima, Iím really pleased with it (didnít buy her new, sheís a 2018 demo model). I plan on driving her at least 7 or 8 years like my Ford Focus - which was a good little car, but getting to the age where all the plasticky stuff starting cracking & breaking. With the minor dents & damage that Z inflicted on it, it was looking pretty ratchet!
I also have fond memories of the little Honda Accord that my dear former FIL bought for H1 & me as our wedding gift (1985). I donít have any experience with Hyundais, but Iíve heard that theyíre much better, more reliable vehicles than they used to be...
And Hubby has been pleased with his little Jeepster, the base model Cherokee. I rented one on my trip to VA in August & it was a very nice ride. My dad used to purchase ďretiredĒ rental cars which were nice, well-maintained practically new vehicles - you could save a lot of money that way.

Val

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/5/20 2:51 P

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I'm winding my work day down today. Only 30 mnutes left. My anxiety is raising the closer to time to get off. It is the craziest thing. ALL I have tonight is

* Pay the landlord rent at 5pm--- I have the rent cash so no worries

* Do a wonderful zoom NA meeting with some lovely ladies who have over 30 years off mind altering chemicals

NOTHING to cause concern. nothing at all. It honestly feels like seeing my landlord and paying the rent is a huge monumental moment. I feel like I need to brace myself for it There is no problems though. I have the full amount, its in cash not check so no bouncing or anything. Malcolm is officially on the lease now.

I felt this way earlier about helping with the lunch feeding program this morning. Just because it was new. I was all worried about it and ALL I HAD TO DO was spoon food into styrofoam containers.

My anxiety meds do not work. The only one I have anymore is propanalol which is to reduce blood pressure quickly. But my anxiety today is in my chest region but my blood pressure is fine so the pill wont help. They cant give me anything that is narcotic based for the anxiety because of me being an alcoholic with an addictive personality.

A lady came into the office last monday and couldn't sit in the hallway even 8 minutes. She started hyperventilating from nerves of being in unfamiliar territory. AT LEAST I am not that bad. I need to be grateful.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/5/20 1:24 P

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Vespa Great to have you along for the journey

@VESPAGIRL1027

Edited by: SPARKKITTY2016 at: 10/5/2020 (14:52)
looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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VESPAGIRL1027's Photo VESPAGIRL1027 Posts: 277
10/5/20 9:16 A

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Hello SL Brooks! I hope you get a nice, new car :-) How fun! I drive a Honda Accord and I love it. It's been a good, reliable car for me. I don't know anything about the Nissan or the Hyundai - but those sound like great options!!! It's so nice that your dad will help you with that!

I am working on my Master's program right now (Family Nurse Practitioner) and this week is genitourinary week :-) HA! So I am studying hard and will keep on trucking along.

I'm also working on a co-presentation with a physician that I will present on October 27th (which is also my birthday!)

Have a great day!!! Love, Vespa



All the best,
VespaGirl1027
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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
10/4/20 6:50 A

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Hi everyone,

Kat I am so sorry about your losses. emoticon I am so glad you got your nails done and got your groceries!

Eve glad you heard from Phillip and had an awesome time with your son!

I had some bad news yesterday. I went to the car place to get the O2 sensor replaced on my car and we thought that would turn off the check engine light. So two hours later I drove home and the check engine light came on. I also need about $800 done on the car because of the wheels and the load or something that needs to be done to both sides. I'm not sure what they call it. So I was thinking this was the last straw and I just need a new car! So I called them and they told me to come right back and they would see what was up with the check engine light. They said the possibility could be the O2 sensor they just replaced is not right and they need to put another one in but they ran the diagnostics which I already had paid for from last time (thank God) and he said it was coming back now with more. Saying that the catalytic converter was the problem and needed to be replaced then they said they could flush the car and run some kind of thing that would cost another $185. I finally said no and told the guy I was getting a new car. He said he wouldn't recommend me doing the two right and left wheel things then and I said I know. So I sent two email to my dad begging for a new car! He is the one who would buy it for me because he doesn't believe in getting a loan or financing and only buying it outright. So I asked him for $25,000 which is more than I actually need but I'm not sure what I would need because I've never bought a car by myself before so I asked for the higher end just in case. I can't decide on whether to get another Hyundai Accent or a Nissan Versa. Do any of you have any experience with either of those cars? Currently I have a Hyundai Accent which has lasted 10 years. I was thinking because I got a nice cover for the back seat for it; it might be a good idea to get the same model so I can use the cover again and it is actually coming up as cheaper than the Versa according to the websites of what is on the lot.

After the car, which took all morning I came home and ate lunch and then went and finally did my laundry and took Michelle with me. We went to Walmart and I got a new cat box for the cat and some balls and mice for her to play with. Then I went to my mom's house and picked up a bag of stuff from her with more cat toys in it and some other stuff she had for me. Michelle wanted a Starbucks cotton candy fapprucino that she loves. So we tried to go to the Starbucks near my mom but there were too many college students there and they were telling us to leave because they were at capacity. I was not happy and neither was Michelle so we left and went to Barnes and Noble where we were able to get her the coffee she wanted and all and their was hardly a line and they didn't throw us out!

That was yesterday. Today all I have to do is take the kids back to their dads house and I don't plan on using the car at all this week. I am hoping my dad gives me no problems even though I feel bad asking for that kind of money.

Take care everyone!

Edited by: SLBROOKS3 at: 10/4/2020 (06:52)
Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/4/20 12:12 A

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Fun news tonight. A friend took me to get my nails done after she took me so I could buy my groceries.

I haven't had my nails done in 15 years. I'm delighted.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
10/3/20 12:40 A

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KAT: You definitely have your work cut out for you. I do not think you should be putting yourself through meeting with ANYONE the day after having your teeth pulled. Give yourself a break, I would say at least a week. Don't put so much pressure on yourself -- having your teeth pulled is a major undertaking and should not be treated lightly.

VAL: Good Luck on your horse event this weekend. May you be blessed with good weather.

I have had a wonderful visit with my son this morning. I watched while he enjoyed coffee with flavored creamer and I presented him with a huge blueberry muffin (I abstained). Then as we were talking and getting sidetracked on our stories, I made a breakfast of scrambled eggs with chopped up red pepper and cheese over the top along with very crisp bacon (which he loved). We are making plans to be together for my birthday -- probably breakfast again as he works from 4:00 p.m. as Chef at a Japanese restaurant. We will see how that goes. He wants to take me for a ride on his motorcycle -- YIKES!

Also have heard from Philip, travel is very slow due to the bad weather and the extreme weight of all the crude oil. I don't question it too much as I know next to nothing about the oil industry. Just trying to be patient and take one day at a time.


Have a terrific, calm weekend everyone.

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/2/20 11:21 P

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Eve~ everytime you post and I see your SP name it reminds me that I need to get busy writing. I have my first official "writing coach" session next Friday (the day after I have my teeth pulled). My coach, Shell, let me take time off and we kept in touch as friends while I got re-settled after the problems with my son. I have so much to do on my book.

First , step one, I need to decide which translation (or 2) that I am going to limit myself to from the BIble.

Next, step two, I need to go back through the 60 devotions I have written and make sure that I change any scripture from other translations back to the ones I choose in step one.

Then and only then, step 3, continue to write the devotions this time making sure to use only the approved translation.

OH_ and I have written all my devotions by hand so I have to type them all up too.

With all that to do-- you'd think I would never feel bored!



looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
10/1/20 2:08 P

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KAT: That news is devastating! But according to my daughter to has people being tested around her all the time -- testing positive doesn't necessarily mean you 'have it.' The tests are not all that reliable. Have you not heard the stories where a person was in line for the test, but for some reason was not able to receive the test. A few days later they notified her that she had tested positive -- AND SHE HAD NOT EVEN TAKEN THE TEST. So cheer up, there are lots of false alarms in these situations. If the lady knew her husband had it, why was she still coming to work??? Lots of brainless people out there. You know we will have you in our prayers.

I have not heard from Philip for 2 days. It could be one of two things. Either something else came up and his Internet isn't working, so he is unable to let me know he has left Mexico. Or on the other hand he is so excited about surprising people he could purposely be doing the stuff he needs to do and wants to be able to surprise me.

Of course there is also the reason that many people would be quick to think of. If he has finally gotten through the situation at the Mexican border I may not hear from him. There could be lots of reasons why -- but I try not to think about them.

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
10/1/20 11:35 A

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Thank you everyone!

SOOOO--- there is a day care downstairs at work. 3 employees tested positive for covid. One lady came in this week and told the director her husband has it and she had been with 2 of our staff members recently. One being the pastor. He was in the office yesterday.
This lady wont have her results for another couple days. Then if positive the pastor will have to get tested. Then if positive me. That will put it at mid-next week.

I was going to get groceries this week. I may have to ask someone to get them for me if I pay online. And I may have to reschedule my teeth extractions. UGH



looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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BEACHCOMBER16's Photo BEACHCOMBER16 SparkPoints: (47,575)
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9/30/20 6:30 P

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Sparkkitty- I am new to this group and peaked into the chat. I am sorry to see you have lost 2 people who were important to you.

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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
9/29/20 11:29 A

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VAL: I love that photo "Fading into the mist" -- lots of happy memories there. I'm sure all of your horses are very dear to you -- they are all special friends. I don't know whether to cheer you on or pray for you -- 3 week-ends in a row!!! But when it's over it will be worth it.

KAT: Sorry to hear of two people dying. Even when you are expecting it, it's still a shocker. It's like at Christmas time when you get a card from the spouse of someone you love -- and they tell you your friend passed away. You are still quite young, but when you get to be my age you start to hate opening cards from friends -- thinking it will be bad news.

SARAH: I know going to a Therapist can be expensive, luckily the times I went have been mostly covered by insurance, and one time I was seeing a Psychologist who was reimbursed by the Catholic Church and my fee was only $10 per session. With Cigna I pay only $5 as my co-pay. If it was $100 like you were paying I'm afraid I would have to do without. That is why our health coverage is so bad -- too many funds are being paid out to illegal aliens. If our own income was tax free and we received all the free stuff we would have extra money.

I believe Philip has left the Mexican border; but right now I have no idea exactly where he is. He has a lot of things to get resolved, make his way to Texas, meet with Chevron, and then there is still his flight to Canada -- so he could be anywhere right now. Not much time for him to be texting me.
And one exciting thing that is happening today is that I received the call from the Home Acquisition people, and they are coming to look at my house this morning at about 10:00.
I hate the thought of packing and moving but it would be one way to have a fresh new start.
So I will let you know tomorrow what they had to say.

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9/29/20 9:10 A

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Gulp! And THATíS why I continue to push myself (51 = 5 yrs younger than me)... Part of me is not looking forward to hauling 3 weekends in a row, generally our endurance events are spaced 2 wks apart? but I had already pledged to support Ozark Trail even if I couldnít ride it myself (still So. Freakiní. Proud! of Christina & Baraq), and I guess with restrictions being lifted, the other 2 rides (last weekendís Buffalo Run & this upcoming one in the Panhandle has had this 1st-weekend-in-Oct locked down for several years) decided to just get Ďer done...
Anyway, I think about all of my dear deceased friends & relatives (Ginger, Rhonda, my cousin Leila, cycling-buddies Bill & Scott) and resolve not to whine. I may be stacking up memories for when **I** can no longer ride.

(Fading into the mist)

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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/29/20 8:45 A

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I found out last night that my great aunt died last week. She was 93.
Then this morning I got an email back a friend (a SP friend that I write to thruogh regular email) It was from her husband. He said she passed away July 11th. She was only 51 -- my age. But she was very ill with many issues for all the years I had known her. She was reconciled to go to heaven for the last 2 years. She is pain free now. I will be praying for her family. She left a husband, one daughter, and 2 grandchildren.

I got a computer upgrade at work. It runs faster. I am still re-adding all my passwords and getting it set up.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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9/29/20 6:46 A

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Eve I hope your visit with your son goes well!

Kat I hope you get those dentures! I sadly haven't heard about another stimulus check either and I really think they should do it again. We got less than other countries apparently. I can't wait until this election is over although I may not be happy with the result.

I took Megan and Michelle to another therapy appointment. It is Megan who wanted Michelle to come and since this is the 2nd time she brought Michelle the therapist came up with an idea. She will see both of them in family therapy and it would be 150 but she is going to apply for me to get some kind of grant or something where half of it would be paid and it would be 75 that I would pay which is less than what I am paying now which is 100. So she would see Megan for 1/2 hour, Michelle for 1/2 hour and then both of them for another 1/2 hour so it would be 1 1/2 hours total. She goes on vacation next week so she made an appointment with Michelle for 10/15/20 next at 7 pm and since she has to quarantine I don't have to take them to the appointment and they are all going to do it on a medical zoom like thing that is very confidential.

I hope Michelle can remember but I'm going to remind her and I also hope she is responsible enough not to lose the paper on how to get on the medical zoom like thing! Kids! I have my doubts so I will certainly be bothering them ahead of time.

I still have not picked up that prescription and have to tonight so I am going to call them and tell them I am coming tonight so they don't get rid of it and make sure it is ready for me. I'm also hoping to do laundry tonight because I was unable to do it over the weekend and I just don't have enough underwear!

Work was actually busy yesterday and I hope it is okay for today.

Take care everyone!



Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
9/28/20 7:50 P

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MILLER: So good to see you on here again. Sorry to hear there are still ups and downs, but I guess our life wouldn't be normal without them, would it?

The only thing new since the last time I posted is that I woke up this morning with my right eye swollen almost shut. It's not really painful, just kind of sensitive -- and of course I look weird. I don't think I will be going out in public today.

Oh, and one more thing, one of those Home Acquisition people are coming to look at my home here in the mountains. You have probably heard of them, they offer you CASH for your home, and I believe they cover all the closing costs in escrow. So tomorrow morning the lady will be here in charge of acquisitions, so I'll see what they think it is worth. Maybe I'll be moving! Ugh!

Edited by: AUTHOREVE at: 9/28/2020 (19:53)
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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
9/28/20 7:27 P

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Hi all.

SARAH, thank you. *Itís good to hear that Meganís therapy appointments went well. A safety plan sounds like a very wise idea.

KATE, thank you. *Iím glad youíre getting paid for organizing your friendís library. I hope youíre able to get the dentures you need. I havenít heard anything about another stimulus check lately. It seems like the two sides canít agree on what to do.

EVE, I hope you enjoy time with your son.

VAL, itís wonderful that you were able to go to OK for a ride.



Iím doing okay. Some ups and downs, but things are going pretty well and I'm grateful for that.

Hugs to all.

Miller


Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
9/27/20 12:19 P

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VAL: A tire sensor does not come cheap, does it? Although I have no idea exactly what that is. I had a Buick once that told me the tire pressure in each tire, but in the Avalon, although it has a lot of gadgets, a pressure indicator is not one of them. It's great to have your horses, they are so beautiful and it's wonderful to have something living and breathing to be involved with.

SARAH: Wouldn't you think the dealership would have fixed "everything" -- gads! why do they always make you have to come back. I'm sure it involves money in some way. Glad you figured out a way to handle the kids and the switching around.

KAT: Hope it works out that you can get the money from somewhere to get those dentures. I expect to see a new photo when that happens -- one with a big SMILE!

Finally had more info from Philip, he's snowed under with paperwork, but he should get the all clear signal from the Mexican Government tomorrow (Monday) and will be on his way to TX.
It sounds like he could be home by Tuesday or Wednesday, I guess it all depends if he plans on flying to Canada with or without me. In a way I hope he goes without me so I don't have to go through the hassle of a pet sitter. We have plenty of errands to do without having to fly to Canada first thing.

My son is coming to visit this coming Friday, and it will be a day of smiles and hugs. We've been through one of these absences before and the reunion is always nice. I understand his problems which causes depression. After all depression is one of my problems too. So by this Friday Philip should be here and then my son Randy also. More names for you to keep track of -- lol.

Everyone have a good Sunday!
Eve

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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
9/27/20 11:45 A

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Glad you got your car sorted out Sarah - itís always something! Another tire sensor went out on my truck last weekend - I started to panic as we were caravaning from our first horse camp to the finish line, I didnít really want to take the time to change a tire... but luckily it was ďjust the sensorĒ which I believe will be about $170 when Iím ready to turn that lilí light off.

For now Iím very handy with my tire gauge!
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And Kate, fingers crossed for your corrective dentistry; my mom still can relate stories of my poor grandmotherís horrible experience, she had her teeth pulled for dentures when she was in her late 30ís - she had my mother (who was a teenager at the time) come in to hold her hand. Mom says she nearly broke her fingers, it was awful.

Just got back from a quick trip to OK for a ride (see blog for details ;-) so gotta get on with laundry, unpacking & general prep for my workweek. Canít be too bad of a day when Iíve got sheets on the clothesline by 10 AM!

Val

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/27/20 7:06 A

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Hi apparently the oil was leaking and the gasket had to be replaced and then the air filtration system needed to be fixed and he did something with the upper filtration but didn't do anything to the lower. Well the lower needs fixing too because on the way home the check light came on again. I called and it is drivable but I am only doing that when absolutely necessary. I can't take it in to get fixed until 8 am next Saturday but only have a few necessary errands to do.

I did take the kids to the farm and ended up switching kids. Michelle went home with Riley and Megan brought Maiya over so I have 2 kids. Because of my car problems, the mom is dropping off Michelle today and picking up Maiya. Maiya and Riley are sisters.

The only problem is I have to drive to Vestal now to get a prescription of Pristiq. I only have 2 pills left.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/27/20 5:46 A

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Hi y'all

Sarah-- how did things go with the car?

Eve-- that is sooo fantastic about your son being back in contact with you! 2 years is a long painful time. I hope the reunion is WONDERFUL.

Yes, my friends pay me $10/hour. I am alphabetizing them by author---except when it is a topic or well known person that would grab the attention more than the author. So all the books by & about John Wesley are put together. Poetry books are put together. etc. Yesterday I worked about 3.6 hours on it and all I did was pull out all the stacked books from the floor and the shelves that were just piled up randomly and dust and sort them. Then I stacked them on their prospective shelves for when I get to that part of the alphabet. I already had alphabetized through the H's when I found several more random A-H books that were on the floor under other books. That is why I decided to g through all the randoms now. I should have thought of that first. Live and learn.

I am enjoying eating my yummy food these last 2 weeks with top teeth. But I am also glad that my teeth will be pulled-- to just get it over. The food I am eating is not crunchy (I haven't been able to do that for a while do to cavaties and missing teeth)...but anyway its hard to chew this food I bought. I'm glad they are still talking about another possible stimulus check. If I get one I will be able to pay for my dentures with $1 to spare...literally. But that is better than saving $100 a month from February 2021 - February 2022. I need the cash up front. HOWEVER-- I saw an ad at CVS ( I need to go back and read it closely) It said if I have BOTH medicare and medicaid I qualify for a health insurance that gives $2500 in dental coverage even towards dentures. I'm going to look into that since the re-enrollment period for medicare is coming back up again here soon. That would solve my problem right there!

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
9/26/20 11:09 A

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Hi everyone, time to quit procrastinating and get to posting!

SARAH: So sorry about your car, and especially as it is the weekend and where do you find places open. I guess businesses feel with covid19 people can get to them during the week, but what about the people who are still working? Having a dependable car is one of my top priorities so I don't find myself stranded. I can do without visiting people, but I can't stand the thought of being stranded.

KAT: I can't believe you have worked for 5 hours already on cleaning/arranging your friends library. And still more to do! For a task of that size they certainly should expect to pay you, they presumably know you are not rich, right? That is a really BIG favor if they think it's free.
When you say alphabetical are you doing it by author or title?

VAL: I will take a look at your new blog -- I admire you doing the blogs, I used to do a lot more but just kind of drifted out of the habit. And my own book work has been keeping me busy.

As for me, yes, sorry to say my life is just at a stand-still. I don't know exactly what is going on with the Mexican Border deal, I thought he had raised the money somehow and they should have been paid off by now. His agent, who's job it is to handle all of this, is rather slow and to me seems a bit slow in the head too. But I might owe him an apology, perhaps he is not the stupid one after all.
One piece of good news, my oldest son who had been out of touch for two years finally texted me and we are back to chatting again. His depression is worse than mine in a way because he is in terrible pain all the time. He needs a knee replacement (used to be a plumber and it is very hard on the knees) - but he said he will come and visit me next Friday. It will be nice to catch up with him, he's not married but has lived with the same woman for over 20 years.

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9/26/20 8:23 A

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Hi Kate,

Megan is fine. They are both asleep still.

Well turns out I'm able to take my car in at 10:15 am this morning and I checked the rental places near here and they can pick you up and I assume drop you off as well. So I wouldn't need my mom to help give me some cash for a taxi. The only problem is the rental car places are only open until 12 and 1 pm today. So I don't know if I will need them and hopefully they would be open when I find out!

Do you get paid to organize their books? I hope so because it sounds like a lot of work!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/26/20 7:50 A

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Miller-- so great to see you back on here. I pray you and Katie are doing well.

Sarah-- how is Megan? That seems like a lot of stress (appropriately so) having to have a safety plan in place for her and never knowing when it will be needed at any time. My prayers are with you. I hope the counseling helps. Also== I hope you can get you car looked at and fixed. Bummer it is the weekend. I thought of a way to keep your mom safe but it entailed you taking separate cars...and that is the whole point LOL you dont have a working car. emoticon

I am going to my friends house where I am organizing their LARGE shelving of books in their library. It needs to all be dusted and put into alphabetical order. I have already put in 5 hours and I am no where near half way. I am having reservations about going, I have downloaded some speaker messages to my phone so I can have something to listen to while I work. That should help the time pass quicker.

Eve-- I hope Philip gets to you soon,

Val-- I will check out your blog.

@SMJTELLER emoticon How are you doing? How was your week?

Deb- how are things in Portland?

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/26/20 6:02 A

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No one posting? I sent Eve a goodie and she sent one back to me saying she has not met Phillip yet. He has been delayed at the border for another week because of his manager she writes. She does say he will be stateside by last Thursday or Friday though.

I did not have a good start to the weekend. My check engine light came on and I have to call a shop about it first thing at 8 am to see if I can get it in sometime this weekend. The girls wanted to go to a farm and were going to meet their friends there but I think they are going to have to cancel and Megan gave me some issue about it last night. Oh well. Their safety is too important.

I am not sure if they can fix my car and of course this has to happen on a weekend where my dad celebrates the Sabbath and I think Yom Kippur starts on Sunday night. He is an orthodox Jew. I also have no cash on me! So I could not take a taxi to a rent a car place and rent one. This makes me very nervous but worst came to worst I'm sure my mom could give me some money if she was able to come out here and we both wore masks and gloves or whatever. She is very nervous about Covid and has not gone anywhere besides necessary doctor's appointment since February. Although she and my brother are hanging out and they went on a few road trips. Because the girls go to school she is nervous about me.

Thank you for listening.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/22/20 6:11 A

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Well I am still tapering off the drug and only taking half a pill right now which I plan on doing until Saturday to make it 2 weeks and then I will go down further if I can unless I have no more pills? Not sure how many pills I have left but I am not getting another bottle!

The tic has gone away but it was bothering me for a week or so and went away. Thank goodness! Yes I know someone who got tardive dyskinia on facebook. My doctor did say or throwed in on the phone that she agreed with me despite it all. Right now we are setting up an appointment for October and her husband who is her office manager will call me on Wednesday to do so.

Thank you for all your concern and all. Miller I am very happy you are back with us!

Val I will look at your blog.

I have taken Megan to two therapy appointments and it is going very well. She was actually accessed by the therapist and has moderate depression and separation anxiety. It was yellow and not red! Michelle came last night and sat in on the session for half of it. I take Megan again next week and then the therapist is going on vacation. I was hoping to eventually only take Megan once a month and I hope that can be worked out. Seems like every week would be too much!

We did come up with a safety plan for Megan if she gets suicidal thoughts in that she can text me when she has any suicidal thoughts and I ask her if she is safe and if she says no I have to call her. If she says yes it is just the thought then it's okay.

Where is Eve? I hope she is doing well and seeing Phillip now!

Sorry if I didn't respond to everyone I may come back later!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 27,125
9/21/20 6:44 P

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SARAH, Val makes a good point about your doctor blowing off your concerns. The tic in your eye needs to be considered, as one of the possible side effects of Abilify is tardive dyskinesia, and it can show up in the eyes, lips, tongue and jaw. A woman in the psychiatric hospital I was in in my twenties had it and it was from side effects of an old antipsychotic, but even the new generation of antipsychotics and cause it, though the risk is lower, I believe. You might want to tell her you're concerned about that.

She may still want you to see your eye doctor and primary care physician (in order not to drop you as a patient), but if you see any doctors, you should let them know what meds you're on (I'm sure you know that).

The last time I knew, tardive dyskinesia wasn't reversible, but that was many decades ago and maybe there are treatments for it now. In any case. she should check into that. I wouldn't want to have it. I do think antipsychotics can be very helpful, though. One of them saved Katie's (DD's) life. I found Rexulti to be very helpful for me and it's an antipsychotic. Sadly, I can no longer take it because Medicare just won't pay for it for it's terribly expensive.



VAL, I'm glad you had a good weekend trip. I'll check out your blog.


emoticon


Edited by: MILLER-S at: 9/21/2020 (19:35)
Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
9/21/20 6:25 P

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Great to see ya Miller!!!

But Sarah, I am INFURIATED on your behalf - I'm no psychiatrist but it sounds to be like your therapist is blowing off your concerns. Side effects of medications are real & she's just kicking that can down the road...

But I'm back from a fabulous quick weekend trip to the Ozarks where my friend Christina got Baraq through a tough 75-mi ride - see blog for a few photos & The Rest of the Story!

Gotta get back to work now...

Val

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9/21/20 11:25 A

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Hi all. I'm back, but taking things slow. I've read all the posts and enjoyed all the photos. Except for that smoke, Deb. It looks rough.

I'm doing okay. Hugs to all!! emoticon emoticon

Miller

"I forgive myself and set myself free." ~Louise Hay

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be." ~unknown


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9/21/20 10:20 A

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Thank you for the kind words

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SMJTELLER's Photo SMJTELLER SparkPoints: (18,434)
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9/20/20 10:16 A

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SparkKitty, reading your post, I feel that you are contributing to a better world, a better self with each of those tasks/jobs/posts/meals/bug swats! Yet I can understand that self-doubt, not-good-enough feeling and thought that blots out your accomplishments. Can you remember progress, not perfection? I hope you can get back to helping with those rehab and shelter placements, since that gives you such satisfaction and hope.

And changes in meds .... messes with the brain chemisty. Lions, tigers and bears ...oh my!

I am opening up to the possibilities of each day. I see that spark within others.


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/20/20 9:44 A

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Sarah-- That doesnt sound like you two are on the same page. I hope things clear up the next time you talk.

Deb- I"m so glad it rained so your air quality could go back up. Did Jenni's schedule change already or is it gonna start this week?

I journaled a lot this weekend. I came to the realization that I need to feel a sense of contribution on most days to feel good and sustain me all week. I think that is part of why I have been feeling lower these past few months.

Work-- no longer helping people get into rehabs and shelters. Do not see many people at the office do to the offices mostly closed. I do help with the utility assistance program on Mondays for 3 hours. Mondays' I dont feel as bad. Tuesdays I deliver food to community members, from the food bank. That helps too. BUT neither fills my need to contribute...at least not that much because I know other people could do what I do in a heart beat. WHereas the rehabs, shelters and such I was really proud of because that is kinda my specialty and why I was hired. No one at work knows the ins and outs of those systems so I felt special to be helping out.

Home- I am still killing bugs and making food food for my son... but I feel/ know he could do more of it himself because the amount of bugs to freak him out are next to nothing now. So I don't feel like I am really contributing there. I decided yesterday I could see it as a way to show him love...and THAT is making a contribution.

Blog- I really haven't done much with it in months. However, when I do write a post I feel good the rest of the day. I know MANY bloggers blog daily. RIght now I have only been blogging when I am inspired...so it is periodic. BUT if it makes me feel good, I "should" do it daily. It will take discipline for sure. Which I am very poor on the scale of self-discipline.

My book- I have had a few months off with working with my coach. We are starting back up with writing goals in October. I love writing my devotions and feel picked up while writing. But the sensation of happiness ends when the writing is done because I am not submitting it anywhere daily/ weekly or any time. An unknown publishing end date lends to my idea that I may never publish. That would be making a contribution...but we are FAR out from setting a date because I still have many to write and then I have a LOT of revisions to do because I have changed my mind on the Bible translation to use.

ALl this stems from low self-worth. I don't feel good enough on my own for just existing. My son pointed out that I have to be using my free time productively or I want to sleep. Its creating stress and pressure all the time. I rarely allow myself to relax. But I know on the days where I feel I have made a contribution to life-- I do allow myself to watch tv and not feel guilty about just enjoying my free time (and I have a LOT of free time)

Speaking of medicine.. I was on 4 anti depressants but 3 have run out and haven't been able to be renewed. So that is effecting me.

And perimenopause is probably also effecting me. I have skipped my second period this year. DOesn't that part of life add to the anxiety, and anger...that I have been feeling?

That is my update.
If you have insights, similar experiences, or advice-- please share

.

Edited by: SPARKKITTY2016 at: 9/20/2020 (09:53)
looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 16,406
9/20/20 9:12 A

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Happy Sunday !!

Sarah, I am so sorry that you are having trouble with your psychiatrist or therapist. Coming off a medication is never very fun. I take Abilify too and have for several years and I haven't noticed weight gain as a side effect for me or blurred vision or tics in my face or body anywhere, so I guess that I am lucky. I take mine in place of Depakote and I find I tolerate it much better. If you no longer need the drug more power to you !! I don't have psychoses either. I can so see your point of not wanting to continue a medication that you no longer need for symptoms that do not present. I hope that you can talk some sense into your therapist so that coming off the drug isn't a major issue or a deal breaker for treatment.

Well, we got rain day before yesterday and it just poured, thank God !! We got over 1.5 inches in less than two hours when the thunderstorms passed through the area. We are still getting light showers occasionally, so this is all good news for our air quality. We have gone from in the 500's to less than 48 quality wise in just two days. We can get outside again without watery eyes or sore throats. I am truly grateful for the weather change and I hope that is has gone a long way in helping to get the fires under control.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Sunday and week ahead. Take care and God bless, love, Deb emoticon to you all !!

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 9/21/2020 (07:43)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/18/20 6:16 A

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Last night I had a terrible conversation with my psychiatrist about going off the generic Abilify. She said I was not following her recommendations and she was going to take me off as a patient! I cried and was upset and then she said she would have to see me every month because when she went to court she told the judge she would see me once a month! She also told me she would have to tell the court and my lawyer that I stopped taking the Abilify. Fine, I don't have a problem with that. I did tell her she caught me when I was going to bed and it might not be a good time for us to talk. So she said she'd talk to me another time or ended the conversation. I am more coherent this morning and realized that I want to stop the Abilify because I want to lose weight and she says it doesn't help with that but makes it worse and it can cause diabetes. My sister has juvenile diabetes another reason to stop it! Something I didn't think of last night! Ugh. I told her it was because of blurred vision and a tick I've had with my eyes. Which you would think would be enough but she said I needed to see my eye doctor and primary care physician regarding those. Also the reason she prescribes this drug is because I have had psychosis but I have not had psychosis in over 12 years! I want to point that out to her too.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 16,406
9/16/20 8:17 A

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Good morning ladies,

Just checking in from the fire filled Pacific Northwest. We still have significant fires all around the Portland Metro area and we have had some of our outlying communities totally decimated. Jeni is one of three people who have to work this week. Due to air quality outside and how poor it is, they have had to close the clinic. They only have a skeleton crew to go in. All in house appointments have been converted to video or phone appointments until the air quality improves outside. There is a doctor, an MA and a PAS scheduler, which is my daughter, on staff in the clinic. I will be helping Micah with his school work, since they have changed Jeni's hours for the week to 9:00 am through 5:30 pm from her regular 11:30 am to 8:00 pm shift. I am not looking forward to being the help for Micah with his school work. It has been so long since I have had anything to do with grammar school education, that I am not very confident that I will be much help. We will see, since today will be my first day as at home tutor. We have been inside, not only because of the Covid threat, but now with the smoke and ash threats. Our air quality sucks. We are having cooler weather with heavy fog, so hopefully the damp weather will help with the fires. What we really need is rain.

Kat, it is so nice that you are in such good space right now. I hope that your plan works and you stay happy. I can relate to staying up all night. If I am awake at midnight, often I will just bag the rest for the night.

Sarah, your daughters are so cute in their masks. They look very ready for school. You have a really cute cat too. I hope that you are making good headway with your book. It sounds interesting.

Val, good luck with your ride this weekend. I am jealous that you can be out and about outside and enjoying nature. It's impossible for us to enjoy any sort of weather, since you can't see anything for the smoke. No one wants to breathe this air.

Eve, thank you for the tips on transferring my pictures from my phone, so that I can find them. I am not as savvy computer wise as most people, so I can really use the help. I hope that all is well with your man friend and that you have finally gotten to meet. I'm glad that he was able to finally exit Mexico.

Have a good rest of the week everyone and enjoy your weekend. I know that Val will be happily occupied over the weekend. I hope that I haven't left anyone out and if I have hello and happy to see you. Take care everyone, God Bless, love, Deb :) emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/15/20 11:41 P

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IT was a gorgeous day today. I did a chilly two mile walk at 630am (55degrees). I was too lazy to go back and get a light jacket so I just sped up to create a little sweat LOL

All in all over the course of the day and errands I got 5 miles in. That felt good not just physically but mentally too.

I am wide awake. I havent eaten dinner but I slept from 530 - 8.
I have to be up at 5am so I should go to sleep.

Its a toss up:
one hand- I could stay up and be happy
my son asleep so he won't be bothering me with petty requests and interrupting me for things he could do for himself.
I am wide awake
I am in a good head space
---
On the other hand-
Its 1130pm and I have to be up at 5
its too late to eat, and if I sleep now I can eat breakfast in a couple hours
without enough sleep my underlying anger- that I have most everyday- get worse.
if I dont go to sleep I will be tempted to sleep in (this is not huge...because since my son just went to sleep he will not need me before 8am so no one would know that I slept in....HOWEVER, I will skip my walk - which effects my mood, I will get off my internal clock that is just now getting solid on its own without me watching the clock.

so I want to stay up and enjoy this pleasant mood, have some dinner, relax and do something enjoyable (so it feels like there was more to my day than work, walks, sleep, and doing things for my son). IF I stay up I will enjoy my mood which I haven't had a lot of lately.

But there will be results tomorrow that could make tomorrow more difficult from lack of sleep, eating at wrong hours, skipping my morning walk.

I am such an instant gratification gal...but I am trying to look farther into the future than THE NOW these days.

I guess the BEST option is to lay down.


Have a good Wednesday

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

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Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/15/20 6:59 P

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Val I am sorry to hear about your mom. Thanks for the book recommendation. I put it on my wish list.

Kat I am glad to hear you are walking. Sorry about the expense of the computer. That does sound overwhelming regarding the devotionals.

My kids went to school yesterday and here is a picture of them:


Here is a picture of my Blueberry cat in my drawer that I also took yesterday:


I have not finished the depression without medications book yet. It's interesting that the book Val recommended says we won't be using medications soon or one day! It's interesting to consider the future! I am not good at sticking to diets and I do take some vitamins. I take Vitamin B and D and iron sometimes.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
9/15/20 9:19 A

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Speaking of biochemistry & the brain, I recently ordered this book (recommended by an herbalist I follow on Twitter) - Grimm makes many great points about good health flowing from good nutrition. I skimmed it quickly & then passed it on to my son - I know he is still struggling with depression & (probable) PTSD in the aftermath of abuse by his father & The Evil Stepmother...
From what little I see, Z does seem to be taking better care of himself, nutritionally speaking. He still seems to stay up too late & I wish to God heíd quit smoking, but Rome wasnít built in a day, was it??
www.amazon.com/Nutrient-Powe
r-Heal-Bio
chemistry-Brain/dp/162636128
2/ref=
sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Wal
sh
+biochemistry+and+Brain&qid=1600R>175039&sr=8-1#customerReviews

I continue to refine my supplement game as Iím currently taking a multivitamin, CoQ10, magnesium, zinc, Vit D, & ashwagandha (an herbal supplement which is supposed to help with stress - Iíve taken it in years past but now giving it another try, itís cheap & harmless).
I have several other herbal blends - concentrates which Iíve gotten from another herbal wizard from Houston, but I seem to be allergic to some of his components - I get red itchy eyes & nasal congestion so I havenít had as much success w/his blends...

Val

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/15/20 2:57 A

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Kat don't get the book if you can't afford it and I definitely recommend you get it from your library if you can! The most shocking and important information was all in the beginning about how she thinks that depression is NOT caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and how medications can be harmful. I didn't know all that and I doubt some of it because I had problems with depression all my life and the Pristiq I take does something for me! I tried stopping it once and I was a crying mess so I am not stopping that drug. The Abilify on the other hand has bad side effects that my doctor even told me about so I stopped it or have decided to. Although still have to tell my doctor. The second part of the book is only recommending visualization/meditation and breathing. I am not that impressed and I know she goes on about exercise and EMDR which I already know about.

Just a big warning on this about the book I am not positive I believe depression is not a chemical imbalance of the brain! I have had too many problems for it not to be.

Take care!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/14/20 10:49 A

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Eve- SO glad to hear Philip has made good headway!

Sarah-- Thank you for the book information. I will order it from the library when I can. I might be able to order a used copy next month.. I'll see. I read a review that talked about meds not being the solution of the problem. My meds don't work as well as they should. I have ran out of some and actually don't seem to be worse off...I am interested in other solutions.

Val-- So glad you got out for a nice day with your mom. Good to see you on here again.

I have been walking daily for a week. I get in 3 miles minimum a day. My anxiety has been really high still. I have found 2 groups online that I am finding good help with for my 12 step issues. I need to adjust my sleep shifts a bit but that should be ok. My son has been sleeping a lot and will be doing more.

We just got him 3 items for his computer that needed replacing. Thought we were done except buying a new chair. But a major part of his computer is giving out and the computer is only 6 months old. It will take several hundred dollars to fix...so I am hoping for some more work to come my way.

I had a meeting with my writing coach and told her I am editing my choice of Bible translations...it is a big job to go back through all the devotionals and I start and then quit due to being overwhelmed.

I do want to publish this book. I need to get back on it.


looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 853
9/14/20 8:47 A

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Well, Sarah, while I ordered the book (thanks! I always appreciate a new book recommendation), I did NOT clean my closet...

Had a busy weekend w/my momís 89th BD Saturday - I got her out of the house to our beautiful Dallas Arboretum, convincing her to let me push her around in a wheelchair; no doubt she would have been exhausted just hiking up from the parking lot!
Her caretaker has been getting her out for short walks which is of course better than nothing, but sheís very weak & frail. We went back for follow-up with orthopedic dr Thursday & this may be ďas good as it getsĒ.

Meanwhile Iím packing my trailer for next weekendís quick trip to the Ozark Trail (see blog for details). While Iíve managed to tune Baraq up a lilí bit, Iím woefully out of ďriding shapeĒ so Iím glad that my friend Christina will serve as my avatar in this event. They whipped through their FL 75-mile event in a little over 10 hrs, so Iím anticipating 12-13 for Ozark Trail.

This also reminds me to register for MY next event - thereís a ride in OK the last weekend in September. Onwards & upwards!

Val

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9/13/20 8:42 A

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Deb I am so sorry about the fires! It is horrible. I am glad you stopped by to update us though. Your cat is beautiful! Prayers for you and the whole west coast! emoticon

Eve I know what you mean about feeling guilty about being happy/okay. I have this feeling a lot because I belong to a depression group on FB that is very active with people with a lot of difficulties/problems. The best thing to do is relate to the way they feel and send prayers but do not let it affect your life. I think you can do the same for your daughter. Pray for her and the situation and keep her in your thoughts but try not to feel too guilty.

I am doing well reading that book I mentioned before Healing Depression Without Medication; I will put a link at the end of this paragraph. I am slowly giving up Abilify and taking half of it but will leave a message for my doctor tomorrow that I am doing that. It has too many side effects and I don't think I need it at all. I will tell her that. I still want to be on the Pristiq though and would really need to think before going off of that. I must say last night I slept better than I have in a long time and got up late so I slept in! Here is the link:
www.amazon.com/gp/product/16
2317354X/r
ef=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o0
4_s00?
ie=UTF8&psc=1


Have my daughters this weekend and my Michelle is nervous about starting school tomorrow. The other one is not or is hiding it real well. It has been fun. We went to Walmart and the grocery store yesterday and got the laundry done for the most part. My apartment is starting to feel like a real home. I have gotten a lot for it by ordering it to my apartment. I got a coffee table, ottoman and got glasses for it that I bought at Walmart yesterday. I read an organizing book but all it did was make me realize all this stuff I didn't have that I needed! Or thought I needed! lol I need a knife set but am afraid to buy it because of Megan's suicidal thoughts so I won't. The last thing I need is her threatening to kill herself and grabbing a knife that is not a butter knife! Too scary!

I found a new TV show on Netflix called The Home Edit which is an organizing business. Michelle binged on it last night because it has some celebrities on it too. The first episode and the episode I saw showed them organizing a closet for Reese Witherspoon and then doing a regular closet organization for a physician. So I cleaned my closet after watching which I have been putting off.

Take care everyone!



Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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AUTHOREVE's Photo AUTHOREVE Posts: 658
9/12/20 1:34 P

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DEB: I have you in my prayers due to the bad smoke, and hope your furniture does not suffer smoke damage. As for you and the others, if you can move to an area it would be good as you know you are breathing in bad air. Inhaling all that smoke can damage your lungs.
As far as Kylo goes, he is an absolute, adorable fat, beautiful Bengal. Soooo GORGEOUS! He makes you want to just hug him to pieces, but you would probably regret it if you tried that.

I feel guilty about writing good news, when so many of you are having difficulties. But the truth is, my friend (Philip) has finally secured the money to pay his tax or ransom or whatever it is to the Mexican Government and by Monday he should make the last step of his journey to Houston where he and his crew will be paid and they can all fly to their respective homes.

My own life is relatively safe but dull. I am perfectly safe being so far away from other people and my need for groceries is not urgent, I have many things in my pantry and my freezer is full also. Due to stress I have gained weight, so it wouldn't hurt if I cut down a bit on the food. lol
Many of the problems in my life are still present, but my problems are small compared to my daughter living her life out in prison, and the conditions there grow worse and worse. I don't want to see joy in my own life when my only daughter is suffering and can't even have any visitors.



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9/11/20 7:59 A

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Good morning everyone !!

I wish that it was a good morning here in Oregon. We are inundated with fires and the resulting smoke. I will try to pull a couple of pictures out of my photo collection of the skies around Jeni's apartment complex. I have just transferred a couple from my phone to my computer, now to locate exactly where they went. So far our fires haven't caused any of us in Multnomah county - the largest county in Oregon, to have been evacuated, but the fires are closing in. Clackamas county which abuts Multnomah is ablaze. So much of the area has been decimated and so many small towns like Talent, Phoenix, Beaver Creek etc have had to be evacuated. So, the fires are on the cusp of reaching Portland. My son has been evacuated from his job in Clackamas county near Oregon City. The skies are just smoke and ash filled, It is unsafe to go outside with the air quality as it is. To give you an idea of how close the flames are coming to Portland, Oregon City is only 15 minutes away and the fire is burning in Clackamas in Johnson Creek, which is only about seven to ten minutes away from us here in town. We go to the Clackamas Town Center to shop all the time. It is past Johnson Creek, so the flames are closing in. Thank you Sarah for sending me a goodie and asking how we are doing. We've certainly been in better shape here. I haven't been online much at all. I haven't been doing my calendar challenges that I have committed to, or my Dealing with Depression Challenges that IMAGEMLOVER has set up in days. I just haven't had the energy to do so, with the day care hours and the poor air quality. It makes it impossible to exercise outside and walking is my major past time. We wear masks outside always because it helps with the smoke. I have had to have my windows open for circulation, but I can't now the skies are so bad. I have the fans blowing inside, but the windows closed. I worry about Kylo in the house alone all day while I am at Jeni's, but now that I don't have the windows open, he is okay. I'm sure that he is lonely and I have his cat carrier close at hand in case we have to abandon our homes in a hurry. We are right on the cusp of the fire line, so I am nervous about all of this.







These are a couple of pictures off of Jeni's balcony at her apartment complex. The smoke is thick. She has even worse smoke to deal with at her work in the Southwest Hills of Portland.

On another topic, I have just transferred my pictures of Kylo Ren to my computer too. Now I can show you what he looks like. He is a Bengal and he is a fat and sassy one. I don't like leaving him at home as much as I do, but it can't be helped now that school is in session and Jeni has to work so late at night. I do have the mornings with him, even though I don't get home until about 8:45 or 9:00 pm daily. The picture doesn't show his deep gold color with dark brown stripes and spots or his deep green eyes very well. He is very pretty in real life.



I hope that they can stop the fires before we have to be evacuated too. I can't afford to replace everything in my house on my Social Security alone, so having to lose it all would be devastating. Kylo and I would be okay, because we would all evacuate - Jeni, Micah, Odin (Jeni's cat) Kylo and me - to my son's house in Washington, or our friend Indyca's who also lives in Vancouver. Vancouver is not under siege the way that Portland is. If we lose everything I will be homeless again and that would be miserable and it would be hard to locate a new HUD apartment like I have now. Oh well, we haven't been asked to prepare for evacuation yet, so I will only worry about the fire spreading as little as I can. I don't want to freak myself out or anything. Having panic attacks will help nothing and right now we are not in any fire zone or imminent danger. I will keep you apprised of the situation as I can. As stated, I haven't been online much because of the long hours I spend at Jeni's house with Micah every day. I may start taking my computer with me. I don't know.

I hope that all of you are well and things are going forward for everyone in a good way. Take care and God bless, love, Deb :) emoticon

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 9/11/2020 (08:07)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Spring 5% Challenge 2019
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/11/20 6:44 A

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Sarah-- LOVE the decorations.
I am really confused by your ex sometimes. It is mind boggling that he won't let his own girls use his insurance to get well. If I could share my insurance with my son -- he would be at the doctor(s) right away within a week getting all put together with his various issues. I am sorry to hear that he -- once again-- is putting it off on you. But I am glad that you do have a way to get her the help she is asking for. That is HUGE!

I asked to see a therapist when I was around 14. My mom tried to come in with me and the therapist had to tell her no. He kept asking me about my family. I got upset. I thought onve again no one was listening to me and would hear me and what I was going through but only cared about them and how things looked. I never went back. Little did I know that is just how family systems therapy workd. They have to first get a feel for how the whole system is working before they van help guide someone through. Maybe if I had stuck with it I wouldn't have numbed out for so long and developed extra baggage. It is what it is.

Its time for my morning walk. I am justifying skipping it because I have 2 errands later that will put in the time for walking later. BUt, I really do want to develo a habbit of walking in the morning. OH--- I feel equally pulled walk and watch the sun rise / lazy and put it off limiting it only to my errands and not before. LOL

I guess if that is my biggest dilemma today-- I am blessed
Have a good Friday

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/9/20 3:28 P

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Kat I am glad you had a quiet Monday! 5 miles is impressive. I am taking a break from the challenges this week since we are in the in-between part. The Summer one ended and the Fall one has not started as yet.

I had a good Labor Day too and went to Walmart with the kids and they went swimming at Greenwood Lake. They had fun and were in the water for half an hour. I thought it cold so I didn't go in.

Today I have off as well because I had to get a Real ID and enhanced driver's license at the DMV. It was successful and I had no trouble. I got a temporary card and the real one comes in the mail shortly.

Today I also got Megan a therapist and she has her first appt at 11 am on September 15th. I put in to get the day off which has to be unpaid. I don't have enough PTO. The first session is 150 and should take a little more than an hour and then after that the sessions are an hour at 100. I didn't think that was terrible. At least they take credit cards but I don't know why my ex won't let me use his insurance. It's ridiculous. Makes me mad.

I've been making some decorations for my living room window. These are for Fall and I am working on Winter ones next.





Take care everyone!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/8/20 10:40 A

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Had a quiet Monday. I walked to the CVS to get meds and then Family Dollar on the way home.

I forgot something my son wanted, so went back a couple hours later....then forgot something else but I got that at the local store so it worked out. 5 miles walking in total.

I have been sleepy all morning. 1 1/2 cups of coffee this morning. 3 caffeine pills. another cup of coffee and a diet Pepsi and now feeling normal.I got 6 hours sleep so not sure why I was so sluggish.

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/5/20 11:42 A

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Kat well the kids wanted to go swimming and Michelle mentioned multiple times. We shall see if that actually happens.

I did the laundry this morning and went to the grocery store so my normal weekend activities.

Megan, who is 12 says she wants a female therapist. So I tried calling Samaritan Counseling Center but they would not pick up the phone on Friday afternoon around 3:30 pm. I was surprised and upset because they didn't even have an answering machine to leave a message! On Tuesday, I am going to leave a message with my psychiatrist to see who she recommends. Also trying Abide in the Vine Counseling Center (it is near me and the daycare where Megan went to when little) and they also have a zoom type option. Megan said she didn't like the zoom option and would rather meet the lady in person. If I hear from her (I sent her an email) I will have to let her know. Oh and I have to pay for it all out of pocket because my ex is being.....

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
207
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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 10,902
9/5/20 7:37 A

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This morning it is only 55 degrees outside at 7am. I didnt want to rush out the door right yet for a walk... but was willing to because with that temp there is no heat/sweat excuse. But I soon discovered it was still going to be 55 at noon.

I had heard we were going to have a cooler weekend. I guess they finally got it right.

What are you all doing for the long weekend? Sarah has her kids-- any special plans Sarah?

My son is getting a couple computer items today thru Amazon and we are getting a de-humidifier as well. We really need that badly so I am excited to get the packages today. As for the rest of the weekend...everything is normal here. My women's Bible Topic group is starting back up today, online this morning. I am uncertain-- again-- if I will participate. I am not thrilled with the new resources the leader chose. Its sad. I LOVE these ladies. But they are all gung ho about these zoom calls and the connecting on these topics. For me-- I like to see the women, but I feel blah or not on board with the studies -- thereby I feel disconected even though they have no idea about my feelings over the topics. I am sure they assume I am as excited as they are because I keep my negativity to myself...as I should.

Anyway-- I am off Monday so I lose 6 out of my 15 work hours this week. I'm gonna try to make them up if possible. If not, and I work the remaining hours for 2 weeks, I will have 24 which is what I was hired for to begin with. It was just nice having the extra 6 hours of pay emoticon

looking for friends to connect with, get to know, and encourage each other along this journey. :-)
Blessings
~Kathleen

BL Crystal Tigers Sparktastic Summer Slimdown'


Kentucky - EST hisencouraginggrace.wordpress.com


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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 2,580
9/4/20 5:52 A

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Deb I am sorry it is so hot in Portland. That stinks. It is finally cooler here and I finally have my air conditioner turned off. We'll see if the daughters turn it on for the weekend. Michelle has a tendency to turn it on.

Kat I am so sorry about your teeth! That stinks too. I agree though it seems the best thing you can do is have all the front teeth extracted and get a full denture up there. I'm so sorry! It sounds so painful and upsetting.

Eve I am glad it is back on with your beau. You don't give yourself enough credit I think and stop that negative talk. It's great he is younger! Way to go you!

ELDILD I am sorry about your meltdown. Was it about your son going back to school? My girls go back to school soon too and are doing a hybrid thing where they go in 2 or 3 days a week depending on the week and are virtual the rest of the time. They are excited about it and I think school is starting late this year on September 21st.

Miller wrote to me in a goodie that yes, she is taking a break.

Everything is good here. Get the girls for the Labor Day weekend. They want to go swimming and the only day it will really be warm enough is on Labor Day itself at an 82 degrees or so. Last I checked. Looking forward to my Labor Day weekend. Take care!

Edited by: SLBROOKS3 at: 9/4/2020 (05:56)
Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 1/3/2020 185 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
207
190.25
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