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1/22/11 10:31 A

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Hi Gayle, Not much I can do about the sleep but I can tell you not to beat yourself up about the apartment. It is common to let things go when your depressed. Take one small step at a time. If you only get half the dining room table cleaned off then consider it a good day and work on the other half tomorrow. My problem when I get like that is letting myself become overwhelmed and just not knowing where to start. I have to remind myself that it doesn't really matter how much I do or don't get done the real progress is in trying and not giving up on myself. Hang in there. ~Debi

God grant me the serenty to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.


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1/22/11 10:09 A

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Still not sleeping good. I think that unconsciously i am worried about what happened in therapy on Thursday. It was a tough session. We are working on my Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and we feel threatened to exposing some morbid details from my past.

Also, a few days ago i started using the Green-T dietery supplement to give my weight loss a boost. That's about the time that i stopped sleeping. I take it in the morning and at lunchtime so i did not connect the two. I did not see a problem with using it as it is just a diet supplement. But could this be connected?

I will weigh tomorrow and see if it is having the desired effect, if not i will stop taking it.

Gayle

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"Remember, no-one can make you go to the very beginning and make a brand new start but anyone can start here and make a brand new end."


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1/22/11 7:45 A

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Yolanda - Thank you. :) I had a good time.

On a more serious note, I just read your most recent post. I am sorry that you are feeling so down and glad that you are taking the steps needed to be safe and healthy. I am also sorry that you fell. I agree with Vicki's thoughts on that. There ARE many people who fall and can't get up at all without assistance. I really hope you will continue to make progress and also to have this in the past one day. Please know that we are all behind you and supporting you. You CAN do this and you are cared about! ((((HUGE HUGS)))) I'm glad you know that the sun will come out again. emoticon

Kim - Thank you! I wanted to have a bigger party, but I live in an apartment, it's winter, and I'm poor. So, I'll settle for close friends!

I'm very sorry to hear about what's going on with your boyfriend. I'm not sure what the entire situation is there, but I hope that you figure things out and they turn out how you want them to. I'm sorry that he won't agree to go to counseling with you or on his own. That does make it harder to feel like someone is truly committed to change/improvement, doesn't it?

Gayle - I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't gotten any sleep for 2 nights in a row! :( Can you take a nap this weekend if that happens? Are you up worrying or are you literally just lying there in bed? I also had a night with no sleep yesterday and it didn't feel good. I hope you are able to get some rest.

Nymalin - emoticon ! This is a great group with some wonderful and supportive people. I hope you have a great weekend as well!

Candy - Your craft projects all sound so fun! Thanks for sharing what you're up to with us. :)

Terri - I'm so glad to hear that the fluid around your DH's heart is almost gone! That's great news! I replied to your blog post re: sleep apnea (which I have). I wish you the best with all of that!

Vicki - Thanks for your kind words. It sounds like you are a wonderful mother. Sometimes I don't know how people do it. (I don't have children myself yet.)

Lori - That's awesome that you do something every year! I think I will do that too. :) It sounds like a good idea.

I'm so very sorry to hear about how your marriage counseling went. :( I want to hug you. I'm glad you had a better day Friday and I hope that continues.

Mellydee - I appreciate all of your suggestions here very much! I hope you are doing well.
---------
I apologize if I missed anyone. I read all the posts and hope everyone has a good weekend. I watched movies with a couple of friends after the get-together last night. I think that today will be a very boring, but needed homework day at the library. I'm thinking of you all and wishing you much happiness. emoticon

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
- Albert Schweitzer


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STORMFAN's Photo STORMFAN Posts: 5,763
1/22/11 4:51 A

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Vicky thank you for those warm thoughts. I am not able to make any medicine changes right now because of a cardiac thing that is going on. Life events are pouring down this week. I know the sun will come out again I just wonder when...thank you

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1/22/11 2:56 A

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Yolanda - I am sooo sorry you are in such a state right now. I know how difficult it is to see what looks like independence spiraling away. That is not the case. There are ablebodied people who fall and cannot get up without assistance. Such an occurrence is frustrating and is enough to make anyone have negative feelings. I am trying to say this is something many others deal with and you are not alone. My own experience in the exact same circumstance makes me one of those sharing your feelings.

I am so glad you have direct immediate contact with your mental health team. The suicidal thoughts are scarey for sure. Take care and stay in touch. We are here for you and want nothing more than to see you back at levels where you can cope with the day to day life. Of course, I am trusting there is a planned meeting with the psychiatrist to reassess your meds to see what can be adjusted to help you get better sooner. If you don't have an appointment then make one. Its important and can help a lot.

hugs - vicki

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1/22/11 12:36 A

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This feels like day one thousand of deep depression and unfortunately my tolerance is waning. I am on medicine, I do take DBT SKILLS TRAINING and I work hard at trying to be stable. This event was triggered by a fall from my ellipical trainer and having such difficulty getting off the floor. I am in physical therapy and practing getting off the floor happens every session so i am normally quite good at it but not this time. I just could not get my brain organized enough to do it. I then became concerned for my continued independence etc spirally down.
It was helpful discovering the trigger but that of course did not solve the problem. I get buried in negative thinking and judgements etc you know the routine.
For now I want my life back, I want me back. feelings and thoughts of suicide are so strong that I am in daily contact with my mental health team with a 24hr contract. I hope one day to have this in my past.

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1/21/11 11:40 P

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Lori, I certainly hope you get to say your piece, too! Do you leave therapy feeling any better about things? ---Having a PCA sounds like a lot of help most of the time. Do you get to choose the person?

Kim, you are so welcome. You are such a good person. I hope this situation with your SO improves soon.

Everything happens for a reason!







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HEARTMEND's Photo HEARTMEND Posts: 28,974
1/21/11 11:29 P

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Terri--a PCA is a personal care attendant...our oldest two sons have special needs, and at 20 and 13, they don't really want to have Mom go everywhere they do (and I love that they have that 'normal' desire!). However, since neither of them have the safety awareness or impulse control to be unaccompanied, we have PCA's who help with their supervision and care at times.

As for the counseling session--hubby DOES get to say his piece...even if it is in the form of a lecture...

Lori

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1/21/11 11:29 P

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Thanks to everyone who offered encouragement, support or prayers. I am so greatful for the tremendous support offered here. I am journaling my thoughts. Somehow getting it down seems to help me see the bigger picture.

It makes me really sad to see that so many of us are having such difficult times with our relationships. I hope that eveyone finds a path to peace - whatever that ends up being for each.

Julieann - I was thinking of you and your party tonight. I hope you had a great evening!

Good night ladies!
Kim

Kimberlee

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu..

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid." -Einstein


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1/21/11 11:24 P

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Lori, what is PCA? Also, what's with the therapist that allows your dh to lecture YOU during therapy???? Man, you have your hands so full. I think you should be allowed to shriek, vent scream, whatever, once in awhile...get real. Tell DH to get a backbone! Well, maybe not. I got kinda fired up about that one. Been there, done that, hated it. I sure do feel for you.

I am hoping if I have sleep apnea, and it sounds like I do, that once I get treatment I'll feel a lot better. I hope so anyway.

Sweet Dreams everyone....dreams of vacationing in the most beautiful place on Earth...Mmmmmm ZZZZZZ. emoticon

Everything happens for a reason!







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1/21/11 10:53 P

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Hi Everyone,
Julieann--Yay for a party to celebrate your medical milestone. I do something fun every year on my surgery anniversary to recognize all that I have since I got my new foot.

Kris--I hope you get your computer problems solved too!

Dot--if you get your papers organized, tell me your secret...I keep trying to go through mine and get annoyed...and before I know it, I'm back at the piano, because that makes more sense to me.

Kim--I know how frustrating it can be to be in a kind of limbo in your relationship...I hope you can work things out soon...

Terri--glad your hubby is doing better...and I hope you get some sleep help...that could help with the depression too. I find that sleep problems and increased depression tend to go together for me.
And as for shrieking about my terrible day, I wouldn't dare...if I raise my voice for any reason, hubby tells the marriage counselor that I am berating him and being SO derogatory...ugh! And he lectured me during our counseling session yesterday...he's right--I'm not the perfect wife he wants, but lecturing me to the point of tears doesn't really help...we really have a long way to go...

Better day today...my toddler did well at story time at the library and then we did some shopping...ran into one of his friends (with her Mom and brother), and I always feel encouraged to see that my kids are making friends. PCA who reprimanded me has been sick, and I am finding it easier to not have her here..sigh...and I feel rather guilty about that...I mean, it's not that I want her to be sick, but I'm just tired of her back talk. Have been discussing that with my son's behavior analyst to see if we can get something worked out here for his sake.

Well, I better get back to work here...still have too much clutter around the house...unfortunately, not very motivated either...

Lori

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1/21/11 9:29 P

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Good evening! My day has been acceptable in the grand scheme of things. DD had a meltdown and I so wanted to join in but couldn't/didn't because she needed me as support and as a Mom. No matter the age these things happen. Thank goodness she is much improved now.

Candy - who sets the deadlines for finishing your projects? It almost seems that the 'deadline' adds an unneeded level of stress to something you enjoy so much. What do you do with the crafts you make?

Terri - sleep apnea can turn anyone into a weary person in the daytime. Good for you contacting your dr about your symptoms. Here's hoping you get some relief soon. Glad to hear DH is doing better. You seem more upbeat now.

JulieAnn - Just checking on you. Hope the party was everything you wanted and more.

vicki

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Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. -Anonymous

If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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1/21/11 8:07 P

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Hi Everyone,

Candy you have sure been busy. Where do you do your crafting? Sounds like a great variety.

Kim, I hope your SO hurries up and shows he is in the relationship. I feel for you. It is frustrating waiting for someone else to come around. In the long run, you have to do what is healthiest and best for you. It sounds like you are strong and already of that mindset. My heart goes out to you.

Gayle, Are sleep problems common for you? It is awful to lay awake all nite. I used to have a lot of trouble sleeping. The doc gave me ambien. Then I got so dependent on them When I decided to stop them I didn't sleep for 3 days, then finally started to sleep for a few hrs, then a few more. It was hell getting them out of my system. I don't recommend ambien for that reason alone. It works great, but highly addictive at least to me. I agree, talk to your doc.

Julieann, I am so happy you are going to celebrate finishing chemo and radiation. such joy! Just be your wonderful self and there's nothing to be nervous about. They all love you. Have fun!

Kris, hoping your computer problems get resolved soon. I miss chuckling when I read your posts!

Hi Dot, Glad you are making headway on the all those papers. It will sure feel good to get it done!

Lori, I hope today was a better day for you. I don't know how you were able to keep your cool. I would have been shrieking, I think. So glad you got the babysitter and I admire you so much for still finding good things in your day, like warm socks fresh from the dryer, MMMMM.

Georgine, Sounds like your Mom was very special, like you. Take it slow and take time for you in there.

Hello Vicki, I hope all is ok with you, too.

I took DH to several appt today. The fluid around his heart is almost gone. Great news. He is consistently better over the past 3 days. That hasn't happened in quite a while. I am just really tired. We went to a class today to teach us how to do a sleep study on DH tonite at home. During the class, DH told me I do all the things of sleep apnea. Snore, stop breathing, gasp for air, wake with a headache, tired all day, have high blood pressure, heart problems, depression. I emailed my doctor today and asked him if I could have the study, too. Maybe that is why I am so tired all the time and other things. I have no energy. I always attribute that to depression. But that may be made worse by sleep apnea. I'll let you know what I find out. If it is sleep apnea, I stand a good chance of improving my health quite a bit. That would be so wonderful. I feel older than my years a lot of the time.

To everyone who posts here, you are all inspiring to me. You face such high walls and get over them. I am so thankful to have found you. Have a wonderful evening. Terri

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1/21/11 6:52 P

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The two craft project that I have to have finished by Monday are painting and putting together wood animals, the other one is putting the hangers on plaster of pairs oranments that I made last month.
I finished the wood ones today.
Candy

I am not alone God is with me in this and all endeavors I take.

I live in Topeka, KS.

My NASCAR driver is Dale Jr., his number is 88.


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1/21/11 5:17 P

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I just want to say that I'm so thankful that we have this group here on Sparkpeople.
For me, it's quite good to know sometimes that I'm not the only one battling depression, and that most of you do come out of it one way or another.

I hope you all take care of yourself, you aren't alone even though it might feel like that sometimes and that you will have chance to experience something fun this weekend.

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1/21/11 3:23 P

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Julie - Delighted for you to have completed your chemo and radiation! I know what a relief it is. A celebration is called for. Glad you're having a little party with your nearest and dearest friends. Enjoy.

Kim - I agree with MellyDee. You would benefit from bringing this 'thing' into the open. Sounds like both of you are in a darker place. Only by taking it out and discussing it will anything change. The only 'rule' is that you use the "I feel...", NOT "you make me feel...", That keeps it from becoming a 'blame' game. Hope you get resolution soon and he is willing to open up also. ***We were posting at the same time. Maybe a trial separation would give each of you a chance to see just how important this relationship is. Best of luck!

Gayle - Call your dr about the lack of sleep. It will drain you of energy and ability to think straight. He may recommend a sleep aid or a visit to determine what is going on. I'm praying that you get some sleep soon and it helps you feel better.

Edited by: VXWALL1942 at: 1/21/2011 (15:27)
vicki

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Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. -Anonymous

If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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1/21/11 3:08 P

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Melly Dee - BF and I have discussed the fact that our relationship is a mess. We've been together for 10 years and this last year has been quite bad. The first nine were good and I thought we had "it." We have agreed that we want to make it work - and I have begun to see a therapist. I supose I should have gone years ago - as I have been suffering from untreated depression for years and I think some of that is causing some of our probelms. He has not agreed to go with me or see one on his own - and thus far has done little to make me think he is working on it. Although he says that he is working on it in his own way. I'm just frustrated with how hard it is - and I waffle on whether its worth the effort or not. Today is one of the Not Worth It Days -

Kim

Kimberlee

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu..

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid." -Einstein


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1/21/11 2:11 P

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Kim: I am sorry to hear that you are feeling that way about your SO. Have you discussed this with him. Not telling him you don't like him of course, but telling him that you are feeling the relationship is fading and you want to work together to fix it. If he is not willing to make the changes it may be best to cut your loses and move on.

Gayle: Are you not sleeping because mind is racing, pain, or other reasons? I love melatonin for those night I can't sleep. One tablet will make it so I can get some rest without being drowsy. Also our doctor's here frequently reccomend it so it will work with anti-depressants and sleep aids.

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1/21/11 9:51 A

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SEcond night in a row that i did not sleep, can't go much longer with no sleep. Glad i get to stay home today and get some things caught up. I'm getting to where i do not want to go out or be around people. My apartment is a total mess but do not have the motivation to get it cleaned up. Maybe this weekend i can try to do a little if it is just clean off the dining room table.
Gayle

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1/21/11 9:34 A

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Julieanne - when my sister finished her last Chemo treatment, she had a great big party. She will still take herceptin (sp?) for a litte while but everything is looking good. I'm so glad to hear that you are at the end of the treatments. CONTRATS
emoticon

It occured to me last night that I just don't like my boyfriend. At least for the last several months. I'm sure it has a lot to do with him not really liking me much theese days. I still love him but I wonder how long that will be enough to hang my hat on. I sure hope he starts showing some signs of the nice guy he was when we met - cause this is sucking!

Kim

Kimberlee

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu..

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid." -Einstein


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1/21/11 2:35 A

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Julie it is wonderful that you have plans to celebrate with wonderful friends. I can not think of one thing better. ENJOY YOU DESERVE IT!

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1/21/11 12:33 A

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Lori - I hope your day improved! I'm sending hugs your way! emoticon

Dot - Sorting papers is a big job! I probably need to do that too!

Candy - I'm very sorry to hear about your knee and hope that it gets better soon! I hope your craft projects go well. If I may ask, what are you working on now?

Kris - Good luck with your computer problems.

To anyone that I haven't mentioned or that I missed, I hope all is well. Hugs and sunshine to all!

I don't have a lot to report today. I did errands and took my husband to his doctor's appointment. His follow up is in a week. Tomorrow, I'm taking him to a physical therapy evaluation for problems with his leg/back. I'm going to bring some reading with that I need to do because it's supposed to be an hour and a half long.

I have planned an intimate gathering with a few friends at as a celebration of ending my chemo and radiation tomorrow night. I'm kind of nervous about it, but am looking forward to seeing my friends.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
- Albert Schweitzer


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1/20/11 9:47 P

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Just dropping by very quickly - I'm still having computer issues and not sure when it will be fixed. Hopefully soon!

I have read all the posts.

LUVTOLOSE - every 1/2 hr to hr, try dropping your arms to your sides and rotate your shoulders in circles - both ways. then hold your hands together and in front of you and stretch your arms forward so it pulls your shoulders forward. Keep your shoulders DOWN (not up around your ears) while you do this. Then clasp your hands behind your back and do the same. Try to ensure that you chair is raised up so you hands aren't up in the air, on the keyboard. Do some side neck/shoulder stretches, too. Tilting one ear toward your shoulder, but don't tip the rest of you to the side - the rest of you stays upright. Hold this position for 15-30 seconds and then turn your head toward your armpit, holding this position for the same length of time. Then repeat on the other side. It should help you considerably re the neck/shoulder aches, and if you have headaches, it will help you with them, too!

Not sure when I'll be back but as The Terminator says "I'll be baaaaaack!" - LOL!

Kris

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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1/20/11 8:08 P

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I hope the one whose day started out bad got better.
Today we worked on the kitchen some, I did some craft projects also, my knee is hurting so bad now that at times I scream out in pain. It is very cold here and their is a lot of snow on the ground, I think that is why my knee is hurting so bad. I have two craft project that I need to get done by Monday and both of them involving drying time, so we will see how far I get. Tomorrow we are supposed to get some help if the weather is OK, I hope she can come.
Candy

I am not alone God is with me in this and all endeavors I take.

I live in Topeka, KS.

My NASCAR driver is Dale Jr., his number is 88.


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1/20/11 7:52 P

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Hello everyone. Sorry some are still battling that old bear depression. Kris is having computer virus issues but will be back as soon as they're worked out.

Georgine - how lovely that you have received so many tributes for your Mom. I'm sure it is rewarding to receive each one. You will indeed have a time when your grief will raise its head. Remember we are here for you whenever you need or want support.

Lori - sounds as though you just had a day from hell. Glad you were able to get a replacement sitter and hope the session went well.

Wishing all a night of peace and rest.

vicki

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If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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1/20/11 5:49 P

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Hello All,

I have read some of the posts, but can't answer any at this time. I will pray for those that are dealing a lot with depression, and those with other health issues. I wish the best for everyone, and hope that some things can be resolved.

Sorry that I am behind again in my posting. Got busy again sorting some more papers out. I really want to get it done. I have so much to do. Some of these papers go all the way back to 2000. You can tell I am a pack rat. I just didn't keep up with it. I am going to make sure after this is all done that I will throw away the year old papers when the right time comes. Every year I will have to throw away some papers. I am hoping that I will do that.

Hope everyone stays safe, healthy, and warm

Best wishes to all!


I will keep you all in my Thoughts and Prayers

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1/20/11 12:31 P

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Lori - I guess we were posting at the same time! I'm so sorry you're not having a good day. :( It sounds like you have so much going on and it's overwhelming! I'm glad that you found a back up sitter and hope that counseling goes as well as it can. I'm thinking of you and hoping your day improves. Take some deep breaths and remember to be kind to yourself! emoticon

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
- Albert Schweitzer


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1/20/11 12:27 P

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Just stopping in this morning to see how everyone is doing. I hope everyone is doing well. :)

Mellydee - I think that's good advice about asking the doctor about the medicine. Maybe I am too optimistic, but I think it is okay at some jobs to disclose. Perhaps I am just lucky that I worked at a university with a very good HR Dept. I do, however, agree that it would be unwise to disclose in all circumstances. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and that you have a wonderful day!

Georgine - What a wonderful thing to hear about the many ways your mom touched others' lives. I'm sorry you're worried about what will happen once things settle down, but you need time to grieve too and we'll be here for you whenever you need us!

I'm sorry to hear that your PT doesn't advise shoveling. The cold is getting a bit overwhelming at times!

Take care everyone! emoticon

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
- Albert Schweitzer


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ugh...not having a good day here...
We were getting ready to leave yesterday afternoon, and I discovered that my teenager is the one who has been peeing on the bathroom floor...seems he thought he could play in the sink at the same time he was urinating--bleah...then his PCA reprimanded me for prompting him to contorl his flapping behaviors...then my hubby treated him to a doughnut and let him play in the drinking fountain at church...oh, and it's below zero here, so not a good time to be wet and have to go outside.
Today, my toddler's sitter called me that she's sick, and then my toddler grabbed the cap for my thumb drive and threw it into his big brother's room...argh!
Well, fortunately, I found a back up sitter, and should get going to the marriage counselor...still struggling there...
I better get going...my socks are in the dryer and will be wonderfully warm on this frigid day!
Lori


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1/20/11 12:02 P

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good morning1 I am preparing to venture out in this cold, not looking forward to it. We can't win, it is either below zero or snowing and the snow is piled high everywhere already. I love to get out and shovel but the PT guy said he would prefer I didn't. Bummer! I still have lots to do replying to sympathy cards. I did not expect so many because of my mom's age but my mother touched many lives and people remember her for her energy, sense of humor and caring. That makes me feel so good! I have been so busy and will be for awhile so
I am afraid I will crash and burn once things settle down but that will be ok too. I am so glad she is at peace and am trying to be too. So many good memories and so many caring people, it all helps keep me going. Speaking of which, it is time I get going. Hope all is well or better for everyone. This team is one of my favorites, you are all so awesome and I hope you all get support and help here. Georgine emoticon emoticon BRRRRR!

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1/20/11 9:35 A

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Quick check in this morning, then going to be busting my behind following the doctor's schedule. Clients coming in every 15 minutes.

Bumble Bee: I always tell my clients, they do not have to disclose their depression. In a lot of jobs it can hurt you. They will say that is not the reason for letting you go, while building up tiny reason to get rid of you. I work in a different setting where it would be hypocritical of them to get rid of me and it is well known that I am currently dealing with depression. Talk to your doctor about the problems you are having getting up. He/She will probably suggest alternative ways to take your meds. Many doses can be split or taken at different times to combat sleepiness.

Timoree: You are an amazingly strong woman. Your SO it lucky to have you there as a support and remember no matter how dark it looks, things will get better, it just takes time and the waiting is the hardest part.

Everyone else: I have read your posts. Don't have any words of wisdom but will keep you in my thoughts and are wishing you all you need and deserve.

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1/19/11 11:20 P

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Hi guys! Read all your posts. No time to give individual responses at this point. Suffice it to say I am praying for a good outcome where needed, peace for those with negative occurrences, monies where they will do the most good and enough love to go around.

Peace be with you, one and all.

vicki

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Dealing With Depression


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Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. -Anonymous

If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing here in the pits? -Erma Bombeck


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1/19/11 9:22 P

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Timoree, you are so resilient! I'm glad your SO is resilient also, it seems. I'll be praying for you guys and thinking $$$$ thought to send your way. After my divorce, I was so broke. It took a long time to get back on my feet. It is such a depressing situation. Hang in there. You guys have the drive!

Candy, I'm so sorry your day was bad. At least you have tomorrow at home to look forward to and you'll be with Gary. We have been lucky here. We haven't had a storm in a few weeks. It will come a bit later though, I'm sure.

Take care everyone, Terri

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1/19/11 9:01 P

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Today was a bad day for me, it started snowing at 11 AM and has not stopped yet. I went to the center anyway, only stayed long enough for my meeting with my staff person and a little while for art group. I am glad that I left when I did, I barely made it up the steps to my apartment. Gary came home and said we are not going anywhere tomorrow. We are staying home and cleaning the kitchen. This is the second big storm we have had in two weeks, I am tired of winter.
Lizze I hope your mother is in a better place now.
To all the ones with problems with boyfriends, husbands, SO, etc. I hope that you can get some counselling somewhere, a center, a pastor, a priest, or just an older couple can be of great help. Try to find a listening ear.
To all the others hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Candy


I am not alone God is with me in this and all endeavors I take.

I live in Topeka, KS.

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1/19/11 8:54 P

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Hi bumble bee. Welcome to the group. It is a really great place and these guys have really helped. I can agree with you I don't think that telling your boss would help because in that field I don't think many people understand how it goes. I have anxiety attacks really bad. I went to work one day and they knew I was previous Army with an anxiety disorder and they fired me because of the anxiety issues causing me to get sick and having to go outside for smokes when I wish I could have just worked through but I was working on an Army base and seeing soldiers everyday. It caused more problems and I ended up having one so bad I couldn't get out of bed for 3 days. TG, I have a great fiance who takes real good care of me. I ended up at the VA hospital and they sent me to 2 different psycologists. Now I'm waiting on my meds to come in the mail and doing little better. I still have my days. I just look for stuff to pull me out of my depression or I come here and vent. Lol. These guys are great! If you ever need to just vent or get ideas this is the place to come.
Terri- my fiance is doing an odd job right now and picking up 2 more odd jobs. This company told him they do want him they just gotta find the right one for him. They only hire ppl with disabilities. That's why it has taken so long but dang we are tired of it. I've sold just about everything I can. I even tried to sell my cellphone. It's bad man but I know what don't kill me will only help me get stronger or give me a backbone. LOL

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1/19/11 7:54 P

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BumbleBeee-- I filed for the American Disability Act on my job. I had to prove the depression/anxiety was a disability. They then accomodated me by putting me in a less stressful position. It was both a good thing and a bad one. They would not accomodate me in the division I had worked in for 33 years; instead I had to wait for positions to come open that I felt I could handle. I was kept on medical leave until then. The new position was a big cut in pay and less stressful but it did not solve anything. I couldn't handle the company anymore and finally left in Dec.
They could not fire me for my condition, and did try to accomodate me; however, if my medical leave had run out before a position was found, I would have lost my job. Good Luck to you on whatever you decide to do.

Pam


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1/19/11 7:42 P

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I only have a moment, but I wanted to check in. I have read everyone's posts and appreciate everyone's contributions. Welcome to everyone new! :) I wish everyone well and for some relief.

Just a couple of things (although I may have time to respond to everyone later).

I did have an accommodation for depression for my job. I did disclose my "disability" after a troubling time for me. I worked at a university where the protocol was to go through Human Resources and then sit down and have a discussion with my boss (who I could tell as much or as little as I wanted to). If you're considering disclosing information to a supervisor, you may want to protect yourself by talking to Human Resources (if possible) first. I do not have some uncommon or severe depression. I do take medication, but I would hate for someone to disclose and get fired for it. My husband does not disclose at his job because his counselor suggested that it would not be to his benefit. He works in a factory and they are firing people left and right for no reason at all. Just some thoughts. (Also, I think disclosing depression should just be like disclosing cancer, which I've also had to do. Unfortunately, it really does depend on your employer.)

Glad the questions were helpful to some. :)

And, my independent study course is on the History of Higher Education. One of my last readings was The Yale Report of 1883. Oh joy! :P

Oh, and one more thing. Couple's counseling today was okay, but I requested to go again next week instead of in 2 weeks like usual because we didn't get to discuss what I wanted to. Hopefully it will help.

Again, best wishes to all! emoticon

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
- Albert Schweitzer


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1/19/11 6:17 P

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Reading everyones posts and seeing so much strength and care is beautiful.
Some of you I can relate to so well. I have been feeling rather tired lately also and I wonder if the short days are starting to have an affect. I lost my Dad a couple of years ago but can remember his denial of his hearing loss. I was always speaking too softly!
Lately I have had pain in my arm sockets and across my shoulders and back. In my job I am on the computer all day and the business doesn't invest in ergonomic tools for us to use. I'm thinking I'm going to have to purchase my own. I also think exercise may help so I'm thinking of joining curves. If anyone has any suggestions please share!
Enjoy the evening. Sue

Keep an open mind ........NEVER give up. &&&& Make it happen!



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1/19/11 5:31 P

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glad we could help keeping quiet about mental illness is unfortunately still a necessity sad to say

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1/19/11 5:29 P

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Thanks for your advice everyone... I too am hesitant about telling my boss about depression. I'm an engineer and I work in a lab. It is a male-dominated profession and being a woman in this field is still (yes in 2011) a challenge. I don't want to give anyone a reason to think that I am incompetent. I think I will keep the information to myself, and try all of your suggestions for getting out of bed. Thanks again!

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1/19/11 5:23 P

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Michelle- As a matter a fact I asked my parents if we had a pedometor. To my surprise we got two. Dad was suppose to get batts for them today. So I can start tomorrow. But thanks for the idea. I can use all the help I can get.





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1/19/11 4:07 P

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I am just joining this thread so if I miss someone know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Timoree - I am glad help arrived for you

Jenny - Thank you for the reminder that even as adults rewards are important.

Ladyduo - I think shopping counts, have you thought of wearing a pedometer? I wear mine and set a goal each day for the number of steps I want to get in

Candym4 - Good Job finishing your project

Pam I hope you feel better soon, I will keep you in my prayers

Juliann - I am sorry for your frustration but keep working and you will get there soon. Thank you for the questions I am going to remember those.

MellyDee - I am sorry to hear about troubles, I hope your SO gets an even better internship right away

Lizzie - I am sorry for the difficulties with your mom I will keep you and yours in my prayers

Snow - I hope your day gets better

Bumblebeee - I have trouble getting up some days myself, I have several alarm clocks positioned in my apartment (1 on dresser and one on the tv in the living room) I set them both and is usually too much bother getting up and down to hit snooze and I don't turn them off till I am up and moving around. I hope this helps. As for telling your Boss, I am not sure that is a good idea because some people still don't get how debilitating depression can be to a person. I will keep you in my prayers

I am having a pretty good day off work, relaxing and enjoying time to do what I want to do.

Michelle

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1/19/11 3:41 P

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Hello Everyone, I've been busy with DH and I've missed so much! I'll try to catch up. I read all the posts. So many of us are doing our best to overcome supposedly insurmountable odds. They feel like that anyway. I think it was Julieann who posted about being a worrier and things to do to overcome it. Then others said they too, were worriers. My nickname is Wart, as in Worry Wart. so, reading these posts has been very beneficial to me and I am going to print out the tips and chant them....over and over....maybe I'll get some worry relief! I love what you said, MellyDee. you brought a smile to me, too. I think I'm going to buy some sugar free bubble gum and chew it often as a reminder that it is actually more productive than worrying.

Timoree, I know what you are going through. We went through a really rough time financially and are still not out of it altogether. Partly why I want the new job is I'd be making more $.

Is there anything you can sell in the short term just to get by. we went through all of our tons of stuff and started selling whatever we could part with. Consider it housecleaning and purging. Don't get too sentimental. Selling things saved our fannies a number of times. I'm quite a bit older than you and have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years, but there is probably a few things you could get rid of. Also, this is a perfect time to stop smoking, as Kris said. Is SO looking for work elsewhere while waiting to hear about the Limbo job? Just about any job is better than nothing and shows he is motivated, too.

Lizzie, I am so sorry that you are going through such hell with your mom. How awful. Do you have any advocates for you and sis? It is disgusting how much power they have over your mom and her finances and appalling that they sent her away in such a state, without her things. Can you report them to the State Dept of Health for such violations. I know money is tight, but maybe you need a lawyer to take this on and free you up to just be with your mom. Let someone else fight this battle. It seems like a biggie.

Bumble bee, Lori's suggestions sound really good. Your boss does sound like a nice guy. But, in this economy, there are lots of people waiting in line for your job. Some people use several alarm clocks to get them up. Also, could you get up even earlier than you need to and do some moving around, a little exercise, even stretching. That would give you a little time buffer and probably make you more ready for your day. You will feel better if you can accomplish this and not have to worry about it. Do whatever it takes and consider it handled. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore. Easier said than done, I know. In any case, welcome. This group is very special. It is safe here.

Lori, you have sure been through a lot of heavy duty stuff. Loosing your foot and the pain you suffered has to be on a level that most of us will never know. You are quite amazing. I hope your marriage situation works itself out. You really deserve happiness. We all do.

There are so many strong people here. as I am participating on the board, I learn more about each and every one of you. what you have overcome is so powerful. And, inspirational. I ask that all of us remember our accomplishments and give ourselves a big hug. We deserve that, too.

DH is a little better today. His follow up appt with his primary dr was yesterday. He got to vent about how the surgeon missed the pulmonary emboli. The surgeon actually said to DH that nothing was wrong, it was just him. The guy is a cocky jerk. Anyway, Dr said it would be about a year for full recovery. Not what we wanted to hear, but at least it is a recovery. I have been up and down with my emotions. Lacking energy. I am going to sorce myself to walk today, though.

I wish the rest of you that I didn't name all the best. Tough times do make us stronger. I wonder just how "strong" we need to be LOL!!! Marriage problems are so demoralizing and can be scary. I feel for those of you going through that now. My first marriage was a nightmare. I could have been on Oprah to tell my story of the most horrific wedding day and shortest marriage ever. But, that's history.

Thinking of you all, praying for you, too. It will get better....Terri


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1/19/11 3:30 P

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Lori- Thank you. I know I get to see a Social Worker (Threpist). When I first found out I was going to have to see a threpist I was afriad they wouldn't let me have a lap band because I have depression. But someone in the lapbanders team said that woundn't happen. I'm glad your better now. I have a neice trying to get to a 100lbs. Its hard for her cause she eats and eats but still can't make it. I think she's finally hit 95lbs.

Kris- I never thought about talking to the threpist about my failed diets. And its not just failed diets its fail excerise too. Though I am glad I failed the water aerobics as I'm afriad of the water. Worst idea ever.

Mom and dad are off to the grandparents today. I did my 22mins of excerise and I'm doing laundry. I hope I can keep this up.



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1/19/11 3:00 P

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HI BUMBLE BEE I am sorry to read about your problem with early morning raising but do have a few suggestions that may or may not work. Certainly a very loud alarm, if you need it louder you can put your clock in a metal bowl or pan (that really makes them loud) but also put the alarm across the room so you have to get up to turn it off. Then make a rule for yourself that you cannot go back to bed but can nap when you get off work.

When you increased your meds you may have set this all into motion so a talk with your prescriber may help with that. I know if I take extra meds at night it is pretty darn hard to get up and get moving in the morning.

Best of all good job in having a full time job and doing well at it. I think that is terrific. Keep up the good work I know you can overcome this bump in the road.

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HEARTMEND's Photo HEARTMEND Posts: 28,974
1/19/11 1:08 P

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Welcome BUMBLE_BEEE,
Sorry about your struggle with sleepiness and depression...I understand the sleepiness--me too...but I have kids, so that living 'alarm' is rather insistent about my getting up emoticon . I don't know what kind of alarms you may have tried, but I do know that the young people who work for us have not had good results with their phone alarms.
I don't think I would tell my boss about depression...but then again, I don't tell people at all...just here, so that's me. I am pretty driven, so I can get away with that...Your meds may need to be adjusted--I don't know what you are taking, but I had major problems when I was on antidepressants (am not currently due to the side effects)...maybe a combination of med help and trying different alarm/wake up strategies would be a place to start.
I don't know what kind of work you do, or if you are able to start at 10 and work an hour later, but that may be something to consider too.
snowhitefan--sorry your are having disagreements with your hubby...me too...well, we actually don't have disagreements between us...if I disagree, he stops speaking, so we have silence...either way, it doesn't work itself out for us...It might for you--I don't know your hubby--but if you have ongoing issues, a counselor may be helpful.
At any rate, however it works for you, know that you have been heard here.
Lori

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1/19/11 12:55 P

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Hey everyone, this is my first time posting but I am really having a bad day today. I am supposed to get to work at 9 (preferably before 9) but today, I woke up, and it was already 9:30. Called my boss right away to tell him I'd be late, got to work by 10. It wouldn't be so bad, but this is the second time it happened, and I've only worked at this job since October. He called me into his office and told me how it looks like I don't appreciate the job/take it seriously, and how one of my college professors practically begged him to hire me, and how I'm not living up to his expectations. Needless to say, I felt like crying.
The reason I'm really bad at waking up is definitely due to my depression... I am tired ALL the time and it doesn't matter when I go to sleep, I wake up tired. Also, I increased the dosage of my medicine recently and I believe it is causing additional drowsiness. I'm not sure if I should mention the depression to my boss-- he is actually a very nice man, and would be pretty understanding-- but I don't want it to seem like I'm making excuses for being irresponsible. Thoughts, anyone? and thanks for being here... helped to get this out.

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SNOWWHITEFAN Posts: 39
1/19/11 12:04 P

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Today is a tough day for me...Hubby and I having a lot of conflict. Im pretty upset about it but hoping it will resolve itself. Just glad Im hear and I lost weight this week.

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1/19/11 10:23 A

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Hello, Everybody! Yesterday was not a good day. My mother got moved to a new residence. The old place only sent a fraction of her clothes and didnot send any of the hangers we had for her (marked with her name) or her walker, or several other things. They did send other people's clothes including a dirty man's jacket. There was also a person from Human Services waiting for us. We have been accused of misappropriating her funds. If that were so, niether my sis or I would be in such tight circumstances. Then, a snow storm hit making the roads slick. Not my best day this week. Today I go back to work for a 3 night stretch. I will have Saturday off then I will pick up an extra shift on Sunday. My mother looks so bad. It just breaks my heart when I see her.
Melly, I hope you get better news today. It is really too bad that 1 person is ruining things for the rest of the students. Although your future FIL has an uncomfortable influence over your fiance right now, he did provide a job. You can and will get through all this. It is just extremely uncomfortable and frustrating. Hang in there!
Julieanne, what is your independent study about? I know it is hard when you think you are ready to move on to the next step and have to step back instead. I am on a project at the hospital in my reasearch class. The stakeholders have made changes I am not sure I like. Too bad for me. They have the final say. I hope you can get to the next step with your next appoinment with your advisor.
I hope everyone else is keeping warm and safe. It seems as if obstacles are popping up for us all. We can get through or around them with time, patience, and some help. Lizzie

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HEARTMEND's Photo HEARTMEND Posts: 28,974
1/19/11 10:13 A

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Hi Everyone,
Julieann--great reminder of how much time and energy we often waste worrying about things that we have no control over anyway.
Kim--I hear you on how work often helps to distract from relationship woes...I was telling my counslor that I felt a little better in Dec and the only thing different was the busyness...and she kind of giggled about 'being too busy to be depressed'
Melly--sorry about your SO's situation...it's so crummy when a whole program is a risk because of one person's stupidity!
Quite day for me...which will be followed by an evening of scheduling chaos...but the chaos is worth it because I get to be back with my kids' choir!
Ooh...stinky toddler--gotta go!
Lori

Lori
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