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6/2/20 4:03 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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6/2/20 4:02 P

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan." Dylan said, "No way!" The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left. Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sex for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said, "Forty-five." The Genie laughed and said, "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/31/20 8:33 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

Linda Kay


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5/31/20 6:20 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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Three men were hiking when they came upon a large, raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof!!!
God gave him big arms and strong legs. And he was able to swim across in just two hours, though he almost drowned twice!
After seeing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
Poof!!!
God gave him a kayak and strong arms and strong legs. And he was able to row across the river in about an hour, though he almost overturned once!
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross the river.'
Poof!!!
He was turned into a woman!
She then checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream and walked across the bridge.

Grammies Funnies


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5/31/20 6:20 P

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Corporate Entrance Exam: Step 1: Select camel and proceed to needle.
"Oh, I always thought it was just an allegory."



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5/30/20 2:47 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/30/20 1:57 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/30/20 1:57 P

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How many psychologists do you need to change a lightbulb?  
Hm, and how many do YOU think?

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/30/20 10:18 A

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/29/20 10:26 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

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5/29/20 9:04 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/29/20 3:29 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/29/20 3:29 P

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Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, “Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”
“Really? Why do you think so?”
“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”

short-funny-com


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5/29/20 3:28 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/28/20 5:17 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/28/20 1:17 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/28/20 1:17 P

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My date last night was really awesome. We had a definite spark and pretty soon he was basically lying at my feet. I love my new taser.


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5/27/20 10:01 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

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5/27/20 3:13 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”

short-funny.com


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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/26/20 8:51 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
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5/26/20 3:25 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/26/20 1:11 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/26/20 1:11 P

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"I'm telling you one last time," a doctor yells at his nurse, "when you're filling out a death certificate, you put the name of the illness under cause of death, not the name of the supervising physician!"

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/25/20 2:30 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/25/20 1:05 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
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5/25/20 12:49 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/25/20 12:49 P

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1. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.
2. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church Long when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
3. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they? 
4. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. 
5. British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July. When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea.
6. What did the commander say to his troops?… March 4th! 
7. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
8. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
9. Why didn’t Washington make a reservation to the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere! 
10. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! 
11. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” 


Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/25/20 12:49 P

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5/24/20 2:33 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/24/20 1:19 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/24/20 1:19 P

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My dog once ate all the Scrabble tiles. He kept leaving messages around the house for days.

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/23/20 4:17 P

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Trust God, believe in yourself, and keep looking forward. You can't change the past. You are always special.

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5/23/20 1:56 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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5/23/20 1:56 P

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What’s the one thing snipers can’t tell their wives?   I missed you this morning.

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5/22/20 9:23 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

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5/22/20 6:07 P

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5/22/20 4:20 P

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I wonder what it was on the Canadian flag that they had to cover it up with a big leaf.

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5/21/20 2:59 P

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5/21/20 1:06 P

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Internet discussion: user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I’M NEW HERE!
user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.
user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!


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5/20/20 4:39 P

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Judy From NW Iowa

* Live simply
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from NEW-CAZ
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


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5/19/20 6:46 P

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One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?” Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

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