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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/22/14 6:53 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Again not much to say to day, just getting through it one foot in front of the other

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others be of service, make 2 recovery calls
Read program material
Listen to 1 speaker file


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/21/14 5:39 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Not much to report today, had a great step work session with Phil yesterday, we read lots of great things I really needed to hear.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit Meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes to Phil
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others by phone, make 2 recovery calls
Read program material
Listen to 1 speaker file
Work on my weekend program and career goals

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/17/14 3:42 A

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Good morning
My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I continued to have slippery behavior yesterday picking at food while cooking or preparing, I was mindful and stopped the behavior when I noticed it.
It was a long and tiring day yesterday; I was still not quite recovered from the previous day and waiting for the birth of my nephew. Itís going to be another long one today as we must travel down country to some appointments. I have my meal plan set in place, I am taking food with me, I simply need to stick to the plan and all will be well.
These trips can be a bit tedious as I get a bit grumpy when I am tired; however I am working on being mindful and reacting in a peaceful manner

Plan of Action
Pray (yes I did)
Submit Meal Plan (done)
Stick to the plan as written report any changes or ask for help if needed
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Call Phil
Reach out to others
Read positive Materials

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
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217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/16/14 7:12 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Was a long, tiring, beautiful day yesterday, my nephew Jackson was born about 8pm last night was a great moment for our family.
I had some slippery behavior yesterday as I drank a specific brand of soda, and it hit me why I am drawn to that brand. When I was a kid I worked with my step-father during the summer, was not enjoyable for me but it had to be done. We used to have coffee breaks a few times during the day and this particular brand of soda was his favorite so we had it. I remember the feeling of having it on a hot day and how good it was. It suddenly dawned on me last night what the attraction is, well aside from being sugar in a bottle, but itís one of the few happy memories I have associated with my step-father. When my brothers are around I feel a strong pull to consume this beverage, itís certainly not their fault by any means but I now understand the behavior a bit better

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Call Phil
Reach out to others by phone
Reach Program Materials
Listen to Speaker Files

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
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217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/15/14 6:29 A

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Good morning
My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE I was abstinent yesterday. I did not binge yesterday but I did have some slippery behavior which I discussed with Phil. The craving for something sweet or unhealthy is extremely strong, almost unbearable at times. I reached out to others and read some readings and prayed for help and I got through. Itís going to be an exciting day as my nephew is being born sometime in the next few hours
Plan of action
Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others
Do readings
Listen to speaker file


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
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217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/11/14 6:02 A

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Good morning



My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. It was not a bad day overall, spent a little too much time in the car with someone *Chuckles* aside from that it wasnít bad. The day started off on a sour note. I had an appointment at 11:45 and itís about an hour away. I had wanted to leave about 10:15 to ensure we had ample time to get there.



I got EXTREMELY frustrated as mom gets off track and distracted by things, hence we ended up leaving 45 minutes late. I was soooo p**** about it but I tried not to grumble that much, however I was visibly displeased. My sister is up because we are having a baby shower for my other sister this weekend, my mom will go with her today up country and I will have the house to myself!! *extreme sigh of pleasure* I need to figure out how to pencil in time for myself, going to work or to Walmart just doesnít give me the space and relaxation I need. The places I would go to seek refuge are my brothers houses, however when I go there she always wants to go in order to see the family, and then it turns into an affair of being late, behind schedule and my mini stress breaking vacation is anything but.



I accomplished most but not all of my goals yesterday, I did not make as many phone calls as I had wanted and did not listen to a speaker file. I will refocus on that today, I know if I keep refocusing on it day after day that eventually I will fall into a routine and these things will be done without much of a second thought



Plan of action

Pray

Submit meal plan

Stick to my plan and report any changes

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Call Phil

Reach out to others

Read program material or quotes

Listen to speaker materials

Put finishing touches on my weekend show
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/10/14 4:48 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I did slip a little bit as I was picking out of some food that was prepared for future meals, I realized what I was doing and quickly put it away.

Not much to say this morning, I did not get as much accomplished yesterday as I had intended. I did not take enough action in my program, they day was busy and it got away from me. I realize that this cannot continue to be a regular thing or my program will get away from me. I am on the road all day today, however I can make calls while I am out, well not when I am driving ;) I can also listen to a speaker file via a handheld device.

Plan of action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan as written report any changes
call Phil
pray before/after meals
text Phil before/after meals
reach out to others by phone (make 2 recovery calls)
read recovery material
listen to recovery speakers

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/9/14 5:53 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.
Life is funny at times, there are always small ways that it reminds me how fleeting it is. I just watched the WWE Hall of Fame induction the other night. I grew up watching wrestling and I really love some of the characters, The Ultimate Warrior was always fun to watch.

For many years he feuded with the management of WWE over various things, however all that was put aside and they made peace and he was there to be inducted into the hall of fame. He spoke for quite a while, which is nothing new to him he is a motivational speaker. A lot of what he had to say really resonated with me, I book marked his page so I could go back to it and read it later, but his message was very positive. I got to work this morning and on the front page of Yahoo news it said that he passes away at the age of 54. I was shocked, I am not sure why I did not "know" the man, I enjoyed watching him perform but for some reason it really gave me pause and made me stop and think.

We never know how much time we have, today could be my last day, I just never know. The one thing that stood out to me was he said that Dreams can come true IF you are willing to put the work in. That really seemed to echo in my head, putting the work in.
That is something I have heard from both my sponsors and numerous speakers in program, Do the work, this is not a program for lazy people; this is a program of Action. That is what is on my mind today, doing the work.

I will reflect and figure out how I can make a plan so that I am doing the work every day. I do work the program on a daily basis; however I am always feeling like I can do more. Itís not in a compulsive or self doubting kind of way, I know deep down that I have more to give to the program, and yet I do not do it; hence I do not gain the rewards of doing the work.
I commit today to doing the work to finishing my plan of action list and not let things slide like I have so many times before. Today I will take action; today I will do the work.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to my plan and report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Reach out to others by phone, make at least 2 calls
Listen to speaker files and report to Phil I am ready to move forward with step work.
Continue to prep my weekend show by listening to music and putting together my script.
Read 5 pages in my software manual
Create alarms on my phone to help me keep on track

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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72.5
145
217.5
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/8/14 6:18 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I had a pretty good day, I have no complaints ;) I received a phone call from a program person and we had a very nice talk. We agreed to check in with each other on a daily basis to share ESH. I also was able to pick up another program person and get them out of the house and into the nice weather we had yesterday. I was able to talk to someone at Wal-Mart who was interested in program and what it was about. I always struggle to find the words when people ask me that question, I stood there for a moment without anything to say, and then I just started talking about my program.

Once I got the gate open things seemed to come out. I believe that I gave a good enough explanation of what the program means to me and what it can do. I was fortunate enough that the other person I was with is a 12 step brother as well and was able to add some to the conversation. I do have to grin because like a lot of people this person held onto the notion that if we have a craving we MUST indulge it once in a while, so if we want a XXXX we must have a XXXX from time to time.

I find that the biggest crock of bull s*** I have ever heard in my life *chuckles* At one time I thought that was a FANTASTIC idea, YES if it helps with the craving then by all means. Now I know the difference and explained that a trigger food is a trigger food for me, just because i can eat one piece of something every day for a year doesn't mean I can handle it. It just means I was extremely lucky, I also explained that in the right circumstances I can manage my food, but itís a fragile manageability at best. For instance over the weekend I was offered a desert at my sisters, it was sugar free and for a few moments I mulled it over in my mind thinking ďwell you know if I just have one it will be okĒ which led to, well 2 wouldnít hurt and I wonít be taking any home with me.

When it came time I politely refused, I felt good about myself and then proceeded to start thinking about what ďtreatĒ I would get myself for avoiding this pitfall. Of course I realized that wasnít the way to go either and I was able to avoid those things. Had I indulged in the dessert I would have been fine, if my trigger foods are moderated I can indeed eat them without binging, PROVIDING I only have access to a serving. Now if I have access to a whole box or plate of something sooner or later I will eat all of it So I do not allow myself the luxury of thinking I got this, if I did I wouldnít weight over 400 pounds currently. I did not tell the person they were wrong, I did strongly say that I donít agree with that philosophy of we MUST indulge in order to prevent us from doing crazy later (that whole thing is amusing as anything to me) I explained that I could eat XXX everyday for a year and be fine, but as soon as I took an entire XXX home with me, game over.

Plan of Action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan as written
Call Phil
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Reach out to others
Read positive materials
Listen to speaker file
Work on my weekend show
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/7/14 6:43 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. I had a decent day yesterday, avoided the temptations at the movie theater and enjoyed a fantastic movie.

Plan of Action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to the plan report any changes
call Phil
pray before/after meals
text Phil before/after meals
reach out to others via phone/Skype/text/email
set alarm on my phone to remind me to listen to speaker file
work on prepping my weekend show

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/4/14 6:31 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday
Not much to say today things are going alright. Its going to be a good day/weekend if the ********** snow will ever stop grrrrrr I am sick to death of winter.

Plan of action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan as written
call phil
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
be of service reach out to others
listen to speaker file


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/3/14 6:19 A

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Good morning my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

It was a decent enough day yesterday, although no one in the house seemed to be in a very good mood *chuckles* I tend to be very in tune with other people and their emotions, admittedly sometimes its imagined on my part; however when someone is having a bad day I allow that to transfer over to me. If someone is freaking out then I tend to freak out as well because it surprises me and I don't know how to respond to it. But no one died and we all lived to see another day so I count it as a win.

With the start of baseball season coming on and the fact that we play all the Boston Red Sox games on our station itís going to really start cutting into my Saturday radio show time. My boss is going to shift me over onto night time and let me do a 6-midnight show which has me excited beyond words. I do have this habit of I would rather ask forgiveness then seek permission *chuckles* which tends to get me in minor trouble from time to time. We are a conservative top 40 radio station, well at least during business hours. After 6pm at night I don't think they pay much attention to what goes on. The morning guy said a weekend night show allows me more freedom then they could ever have during the day; and I should be able to play music at night you would NEVER hear during the daylight hours, thatís my end of the pool. I enjoy the hard rock and lively type music most of the time and we just cannot play it normally. We live in a small town in Northern Maine; the radio market is very small and competitive with only a handful of stations. Most people I know won't listen to our station due to the music we plan, itís not all bad but itís hard for me to consistently listen to top 40 music all day *chuckles* I have been adding in my own flavor to the system and I hear them pop up during the day so that makes me happy. The chance to kind of do my own thing (within) reason has me really excited. I am trying to keep myself in check because when I get really excited if things don't go well or the plug gets pulled I get very resentful. My goal is to bring in an audience that wouldnít normally listen to our station, so we are working on creating the WHOU Saturday Night Party Mix. Itís going to be good to start playing what I enjoy and I know other people want to hear.

Plan of Action
Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to the plan as written report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Be of Service, reach out to others
Listen to speaker file on step 1
Work on cleaning up my room and area

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/2/14 6:49 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday
It was a decent enough day yesterday, I spent a little time with a program person getting some help with a car issue, its good for both of us gets us out and not stuck in the house so I think thats a very good thing.

We were on the road traveling yesterday, it was kind of a testy day as both mom and I were tired, and we were rushed and hurried everywhere we went, but in the grand scheme of things we made it hope safe so all is well

Plan of action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan report changes
pray before/after meals
text Phil before/after meals
be of service, reach out to people via text/email/skype/phone
read positive materials
Listen to step 1 The Doctorís Opinion (S.B)
Listen to a file on meditation or listen to a track of wherever you go there you are
pray

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
4/1/14 6:39 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Did alright with my plan, make one recovery call and went and picked up a program person and spent time with them which is better than a call to me.

Plan of action
pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan report changes
pray before/after meals
text Phil before/after meals
be of service make a few calls
read positive materials


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/31/14 6:38 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday
I had a peaceful day yesterday; I did get a little agitated in the afternoon. I was working on some stuff and I was getting peppered with questions, I didnít blow my stack but I was a little grumpy but it all worked out.
I followed my meal plan and all was well. Had a GREAT Skype meeting yesterday, those meetings are very helpful for me and I am grateful for those who show up.

This week I am getting on a regular but cut back schedule with the meetings I facilitate at the hospital. I am going to do the first WED of every month. When we get a small group together who wants to meet more I am able to add more meetings. At this point I am just taking up space that someone else could be using. I am hopeful that eventually we will get back to having a group. It curious to me because I can talk to some who knows about program without issue, however when someone calls to find out more about it I never know quite what to say and I always feel like I donít properly let people know what itís about.

Plan of action

Pray (did it)
Submit meal plan (yes done)
Stick to plan as written report any changes to Phil
Call Phil (done
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Be of service pick up the phone make 2 calls
Read positive materials
Listen to speaker file on step 1
I did pretty well with my plan yesterday. I did not pick up the phone or listen to the speaker file, however I accomplished everything else. I am going to focus on those 2 things today.


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/30/14 8:51 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a very grateful recovering COE however I was not abstinent yesterday. I had a snack last night that I did not plan for nor did I report to my food sponsor. I overdid it a little bit, but the bigger issue is I was not honest. Yesterday when doing readings it was all about being honest in everything that I do. It easily slips my mind that omitting stuff is the same as lying no matter what I tell myself. Have I been doing better with my food, absolutely, have I been 100% honest no I have not. Itís little things here and there, little changes that I make without praying or turning over. Phil tells me that this messy way of operating is pre-relapse material; and I have no reason to doubt him. In my mind however its ďnot a big dealĒ not that I donít recognized the dangers, I do.

When I am in the moment they do not seem like they are all that dangerous. The thoughts of having trigger foods like you would find at a drive thru or in a pizza shop never cross my mind. For some reason those are off limits without question. However other little things seem to bleed through without any second though. As I sit here now I know they are not little yet again in the moment they do not seem like threats and they do not lead to binging behaviors. I prayed this morning when I woke to always be mindful, to have my HP please remind me and help me because I am powerless over food and that I need his help because I cannot do it. I do not pray or think about these words enough. I do not put my program first as I should, itís a second thought most of the time. I do certain things almost daily such as these reports, or my meal plan, reaching out to others via email or Skype (sometimes) But the important things like picking up the phone, reading even just a few passages in a daily reader, praying, meditating. I do none of those things on a daily basis. I am so caught up with my own health issues and making sure mom is ok by the time I ďget aroundĒ to do things like that I am exhausted and I just want to relax and watch some TV or play a game, I am lazy at times.

Rather than sit here and feel ashamed and bad about it (which I do) I am going to make a plan of action that for today I will accomplish these things, I will have no excuse for not getting them done.

I know I have asked before but have not taken very clear action on it. I would appreciate getting some phone numbers of people I can call so that I can be of service. If you let me know between what times is convenient to contact you that would be great. I just need to connect with others on a daily basis and do something for someone else to get out of my own head

Plan of Action

Pray when I wake (done)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to the plan as I wrote it, if changes must be made I need to pray and turn it over to Phil
Pray before and after meals, asking for help and being mindful of the first 3 steps, and giving thanks after
Text Phil before and after meals
Make 2 recovery calls, I will leave messages if I cannot reach anyone
Read 3 readings in For today
Listen to Step 1 speaker File and then report to Phil I am ready to move forward

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/26/14 6:27 A

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Good morning



My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.



I was tempted to have a piece of ****** yesterday to celebrate my birthday but I did not. In past years I have had a slice and been fine with it. If I am given a piece of something and I have no more to eat I am fine with it, you leave the whole thing with me and bad things can happen. I have always found that odd about myself, I can be satisfied with someone as long as I only have a serving and I cannot have anymore, yet when I have access to more I eat more.



Plan of action



Pray

Submit meal plan

Stick to dah plan

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Reach out to others by phone

Read positive material

Listen to a speaker file
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/25/14 6:35 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Well I made it to 42 *chuckles* I am feeling my mortality today. Back in my 30ís the Drís said I had a little time but I needed to get a significant amount of weight off before I got into my 40ís or the risk of stroke or heart attack would go up exponentially. I am down about a 100 pounds overall but thatís over many years and I have gone up and down numerous times.

I kind of feel like I am living on borrowed time at this point, the weight isnít not going to come off quick thatís for sure. Hopefully I still have a few more years in me to get it off and not too much damage has been done to my body. My morbid self joke is I will love all the weight and then have a heart attack anyways *chuckles* I guess this is where living in the moment comes in handy


Plan of Action
Pray
Submit meal plan
Stick to plan
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Pray
Make calls
Read literature
Listen to speaker file

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/24/14 6:14 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Had a good skype meeting yesterday, very grateful to those who showed up. I like how sometimes the small meetings have very strong support and recovery going on.

Plan of Action

pray
submit meal plan
stick to plan as written report any changes
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
call
call others
listen to speaker file on step 1
be of service however I can
work on prepping music for work
work on show for saturday

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/20/14 6:54 A

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I am grateful for a HP of my own understanding
I am grateful for my abstinence
I am grateful for the gift of this day
I am grateful for mom
I am grateful for music
I am grateful for going live on the air and not messing up
I am grateful that I know gratitude

ď ďWhen you are down and out remember this: that the sun rises for you to give you sight, the trees take in your carbon dioxide just so it can give you oxygen and the rain falls to cool you down. Why give up when nature still has faith in you?" Written in 2014 by Ndabenhle Mncwabe --- South Africa

" When you are so low, you can't look up; your face is pressed to the ground. You may not be able to look up but you can always Think Up. Keep your mind focused on rising up, moving forward and getting up out of despair and defeat. Hold on to your victory in your mind. It will transcend to your physical realm." Written in 2014 by Janice Harris --- Florida

Faith must lie beneath the journey you are about to embark on. Walk with courage, breathe with determination and let your will propel you forward. Brave whatever may arise and challenge it till it falls. Feel your spirit lifting you up when you're tired or weak. Soar and roar with it for it wants you to be strong and full of life's energy. Believe greatness is what you were born for, and let nothing build walls on this belief. There is so much you can accomplish if you refuse to let negativity leak into your ideas, belief, intentions and plans for future development. What makes a champion stands within us all. Become one with it and it will become one with you. Warriors we say, you mustn't betray your strength and will by becoming afraid of what you are born to conquer. This is your destiny; embrace it and strive to become what you dream of, and you may become more than all you ever dreamt. From one warrior to another I want you to know, within us greatness roars to be unleashed. Let it come out, and ride on the back of this charging lion wherever you go." Written in 2014 by Kiplimo Chemirmir/ Kenyan Warrior

Read more at motivateus.com/rememb.htm#kCKbPUDJKZ
Xq
jXdQ.99

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/20/14 6:40 A

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Good morning my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

I felt the pull towards candy yesterday, there is a particular one that I cannot tell if I was fantasizing about it yesterday or I dreamed it last night, either way I just avoid looking at that stuff.

Phil calls it food porn *chuckles* on the rare chance I pull through McDonaldís to get my mom an ice coffee I donít look at the signs on the side of the building I keep my eyes straight ahead, I no longer feel that compulsion to buy a bad of poison and consume it, sometimes the smell triggers a rumbling inside but I donít ever order anything. Same when I am in the grocery store I avert my eyes when something happens to jump out at me that I donít need to be staring at.

I need to remember to pray in those situations, I normally just go about my business and donít say a little prayer, I am not sure if I donít need to or I just forget too. If I am not drawn to something or donít get that feeling inside that pulls me I just keep doing what I am doing.

Plan of action

Pray (done)
Submit meal plan (in the process of)
Follow meal plan as written report any changes
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Pick up the phone make 2 recovery calls and reach out by email/text
Read step 1 in the OA 12/12 I have been slacking on, set alarm on phone to remind me
Pray

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/19/14 6:43 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

We had an appointment for mom yesterday down country so it made for a long day; I did well in keeping my cool despite being tired, not so much today. I am a pretty grump bear at this point, although my morning call to Phil helped lift my spirits a big.
Well once again we find out the ďfireĒ is not much more than smoke, the panic that we got into over moms dementia was not correct. This time it was not medical error it was mom getting over excited and thinking she knew what her report said and going online. I feel like such an idiot for getting all bent out of shape yet again. I suppose itís a good lesson of living in the now *chuckles* I am actually extremely grateful my life is complicated as it is without having to have been put in that position. Something is definitely wrong with her memory and they seem to be getting worse all the time, however itís not dementia least thatís what the DR said. The current situation is still stressful and aggravating none the less

Plan of action

Pray
Submit meal plan
Follow meal plan
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Be of service to others and pick up the phone
Read recovery/positive materials


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/17/14 6:40 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I am going to focus on only drinking unflavored water today and completing my POA 100%

Plan of Action:

Pray (did it)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written report any changes to Phil
Call Phil (done)
Pray before/after meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Make Recovery calls to see how others are doing
Read from my OA daily readers, read a few pages in the, locate my OA 12/12 and read a few pages


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/16/14 9:19 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Plan of Action

submit meal plan
stick to meal plan as written
pray
pray before/after meals
text phil before/after meals
call phil
get some exercise in
make recovery calls
read some literature

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/14/14 6:07 A

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Good morning
My name is Greg, I am a grateful recovering COE I was not abstinent yesterday. I have been fooling myself as of late that I am abstinent when I am not. I have been having soda probably everyday for a week or so now, just one I tell myself what the harm in that is? I've avoided other pit falls and binge/trigger foods, I've been making changes to my meals plans, not big changes and not necessarily bad changes either, I just tweak it here and there without consulting my HP or sponsor, it has to stop. I kind of feel like my whole recovery world is turned upside down. There isn't anything specific going on aside from life. I am actually doing better lately keeping my anger and impatience in check when it comes to mom, I am being of service and doing what I need to do yet nothing feels right. I make plans of action and I get most of it accomplished, some of it is easy as its become second nature or it fits into my life neatly. Other things such as making calls, reading literature, or working on other things fall to the wayside. Although with literature I do better than with other things, the last few days I have done a good job at least reading a daily reader. I am feeling kind of beaten down this morning, I am not really sure why. I went to bed at a decent hour last night, nothing specific is going on, yet I feel tired and worn out.
Plan of Action
Pray (I did)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written and actually report any changes
Drink 2 glasses of regular water today I will set an alarm to help me with this
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Read at least one page in a daily reader
Make at least 2 recovery calls and leave messages if I don't get anyone
Focus on cleaning up my area upstairs to prepare for company tomorrow


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/12/14 6:19 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Yesterday was decent enough; I focused on doing as much for mom as I could. Itís tough to watch her go through what she is going through, she broke down because she could not find some information she is looking for which is becoming a more common occurrence. She knows something is wrong but often times she cannot get the words our right and itís very frustrating for her that she cannot remember a lot of things. I am trying to focus being as loving, kind and tolerant as I can. The coming days and months are going to get harder not easier. I need to be healthy and patient because I will be shifting into the role of a caretaker for her as her condition worsens, even if it doesn't get any worse I am mostly in that role now. I will continue to seek my own health and work to make her life as comfortable as possible.

Plan of Action

Pray (did it)
Submit meal plan (done)
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Call Phil
Reach out to others
Read literature
Begin building a plan to focus on the multiple projects I have in the works in order to effectively get work done on them.
Pray

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/11/14 4:30 A

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Good morning all

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Plan of Action

Prayed (I did)
Submit meal plan (done)
follow meal plan to the letter report any changes
pray before and after my meals
text phil before and after my meals
Call phil
be of service by calling others
do readings with mom, work on step one homework
work on projects I have set out for myself
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/10/14 6:33 A

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**FOOD MENTIONED**



Good morning
My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was not abstinent yesterday

I had a soda yesterday, I just wanted it and I had it. I didn't pray or call my sponsor about it I just indulged my whim. I also overate a big with one of my meals. Normally I do not use butter on or in anything. For whatever reason I got it in my head to use it on some toast and it triggered craving and I had a few more.

What made me reach for the butter I am not really certain, like I said I never use it in everyday life. If I have toast I have it dry, I am not really sure what made me do that yesterday. As I sit here I am thinking that my weekend was not program centered. I was lazy and did not do my usual routine on the weekends, not that it would have necessarily stopped me from doing what I did but I don't feel I did myself any favors by not sticking to my daily routine. The weekends are challenging for me as my bedtimes are drastically different. I have things to do that sometimes keep me up later in the evening and that causes me to sleep later. Not that I sleep well anyways but if I don't get a certain amount of sleep I feel even more horrible and nasty than usual.
I will be more vigilant today; I have already started my day off in a positive way by praying upon waking.

Plan of Action

Pray (done)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to plan as written report any changes
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil (left msg)
Be of service by calling others at least 2 people
Do recovery readings and listen to file on the ipad
Write a work email
Start preparing my show for the weekend
Work on a business plan for a computer repair business
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/7/14 6:56 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

I was a long day but a decent day yesterday, I focused hard on remaining calm, humble and kind while on the road with mom. I didnít have any melt downs but we had a few close calls *chuckles* I must admit being a hair bit resentful at taking the fall for the events but in reality I should have known better. My mom LOVESSS second hand stores, and with her first grandchild on the way itís become an obsession. Itís important to note I am not a fan of shopping, I get in, get what I need and get the hell out, end of story. I donít browse, I donít shop, I donít enjoy the art of shopping, if I do browse itís looking everything over at a quick pace and I move on. This is one area where we differ greatly, she can spend 45 minutes in a shop without breaking a sweat, and she did yesterday *chuckles*

We were on the way to a Drís appointment out of town and had budgeted some time to stop for a few minutes, well a few minutes turned into 45. That was ok, I was a little irritated because I could not stop to see my brother because we ran out of time but I got over it. There is another shop on the way into a town we go to so we stopped; I ASSUMED her appointment was in this particular town at 1:30. So at 1:10 we stop at the shop, no discussion has been made which branch of the Drís office we are going too.

I let her shop a bit and ushered her out the door at the last minute to get to the Office, well we get there AT the time she is supposed to be there and she asks what we are doing there, she has to go to the other office 20 minutes away, long story short we got there and they fit us in despite being late. I bristled a little bit when she explained to the receptionist it was ďmyĒ fault, which I guess being the driver I should have known to ask, lesson learned. My mom and my brother have an extremely difficult time getting along, he has fewer patients than I do and they frequently get into arguments. He makes no allowances for my momís condition and believes she is not really faking but is more capable than she puts on, I wish this were the case but sadly itís not, I live with her everyday so no one else in the family seeís what I see. They do not understand what is really going on with her, nor do they seem to want to understand. So in the time she needs her family most no one has any patience with her and are constantly criticizing her and getting upset with her. What a horrible f***** way that must be to live; it breaks my heart and brings me to the verge of tears as I sit here and think about it.

Despite how badly I feel now I am one of the ones who get aggravated with her on a daily basis: / although I am aware of my actions and working on taking steps to do better, still how terrible that must be, to feel so alone. It got me thinking about other folks out there like her who are in nursing homes or facilities who have no one visit them or care of them. I have thought for a long time about going to volunteer at a place like that and see if I can do something to make someoneís life a little bit brighter, and I very well may one of these days. For the time being taking care of my mom is what I can handle. So much pain, suffering and loneliness out in the world, it hurts my heart to think about it. But I didnít eat over anything so I am grateful for my HP for that

Plan of action

Pray (I did)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written report any changes
Pray before/after my meals
Text Phil before/after meals
Be of service by calling others
Be of service to myself by taking action and reading literature and listening to files

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/6/14 6:55 A

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Good morning



My name is Greg, I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday



Not a bad day yesterday, some of my character defects shone through when dealing with my mom. I need to find a way to remind myself of what she is dealing with. I was going to say I cannot imagine what she is dealing with when your thoughts won't work right, or you cannot find a way to get the words out, I actually do know what that like. Days when my depression was the worst my mind would be in a fog, I knew what I wanted to say but could not get the words out no matter what; but it always got better eventually.



What she is dealing with potentially will only get worse not better, being a prisoner in your own body is not a pleasant way to live. I don't know how but I forget that she deals with that every minute of every day. Well actually I do know, selfish, self-will is how that happens. When things interfere with my life and what I want and need I get very upset about it. I forget that she is dealing with scary and traumatic stuff for her, that her life is radically changing on a day to day basis.

I pray every morning for to be open, honest, humble, kind, patient; I still have a lot of work to do in those departments.



Plan for the day



Pray (done)

Submit meal plan (done)

Stick to meal plan as written report any changes

Pray before/after meals

Text Phil before/after meals

Pick up the phone and be of service

Read positive literature

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/5/14 6:03 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I had a pretty decent day yesterday despite a blinding headache. I did snap at mom a few times but I apologized soon after. I finally forced myself to sit down and read step one in the AA 12&12, I am glad I did. It was short which I like ;) but it was powerful as well. It talked about peoples resistance to simply admitting they are powerless over ________(insert addiction) The book even recognized how hard it is for people to do this because no one wants too. However for me itís that ego and self will that destroys me if I let it. Nothing bad happens when I admit I am powerless over food or anything else, if anything itís a relief. No longer am I banging my head against a wall crying out WHY?? WHY CANT I BEAT THIS??

I am reasonably intelligent, and there is no way for me to ďthinkĒ my way out of my disease. For years I have gone back and forth, sometimes I have had success in doing a fad diet like Atkins, or other things. I could eat as much meat as I wanted when doing Atkins and by God I did, I even lost about 50 pounds. But once I stopped following the diet exactly the weight came back with a VENGENCE and brought about 100 pounds with it. No matter what I could no will myself out of it. In the beginning I used to hide behind progress not perfection and I even touted it in meetings, oh how dreadfully wrong I was. Donít get me wrong I understand progress not perfection and I am grateful for it, however it can also be a wall that we hide against to rationalize our behavior. Hey I only ate half that bag of candy thatís progress which is true, however when that rationalization becomes part of the mix itís very dangerous. I admit I am VERY willful; my ego is probably bigger than I am, and I am a big boy. I DO NOT like being told what to do, that stems from childhood when my step father ruled with an iron fist, it was his way or a beating, no middle ground, no place for discussion. That led me to growing up and being very defensive and combative when people corrected me, it didnít matter if it was positive or negative criticism I took it all as an attack. Just the other day I had to get real with a friend of mine and tell them their actions were killing them, they were drinking themselves to death. They knew that they were destroying themselves, and were either unable or unwilling to stop. I said my piece then left it alone. They have sense moved on and are in a place now where they are ďnot judgedĒ I assume that means they can drink in peace because everyone else does.

I love and care about them but I can no longer be an active part of her life. Sometimes you have to cut people lose because watching them destroy themselves is both heart breaking and dangerous , I do not want to get sucked into that mix at all. If/when the day ever comes she is sober and clear headed I would love to resume our friendship, in the meantime I will keep my distance and let her live HER life as she sees fit, itís not my job or place to save her; so I am putting away my cape and handling my own business. The pain and scars of the past still haunt me, no matter how hard I try to lay them down and leave them there, and they rear their ugly heads back up from time to time, I kind of feel like I am stuck in a loop. I am in pain and miserable due to things going on with my body and mental health issues, losing a considerable amount of weight ďmayĒ make me feel better (it sure couldnít hurt) yet that means I need to totally and fully surrender to the program and join the winning team, yet I am resentful and willful some of the time because I am in pain and donít feel well that pain and anger magnifies immensely and it becomes hard to see the road ahead and remember the plan; so round and round we go.

I guess the one thing I have learned is anytime I feel like I ďgot thisĒ I need to remind myself that I cannot will my way out of this, IF I could I would have done it LONG before now. It is simply not possible on my own and that is a lesson I need to learn and re-learn on a daily basis. Or not and I can keep letting the weight pile on a pound at a time, it might just be a pound here and there but sooner or later itís going to add up to another 100 pounds, I am not willing to pay that price so I damn well better get right with my HP and be willing to pay the price for my freedom. I feel very sad for people who are unwilling to simply admit they cannot do something, in truth there is more weakness in standing ones ground and refusing to admit they cannot do something than simply being brave and admitting that there is something we cannot accomplish, that is real and true strength. The good thing is no matter what the program will always be here no matter how much research we want to do, no matter how many other ways we want to try; no matter how badly we want to find an easier softer way. We can take all the time we need, but I fear doing that just piles the pounds on and puts me deeper and deeper into a hole. I am very grateful for my strong sponsorship, I would be dead without them. I am grateful I am not longer so full of ego that I can admit I am truly powerless and it will take something greater than me to free me of this deadly, lethal disease. If anything my self-esteem and self worth improved when I speak the words, I am liberated and it felt like a great weight lifted off me. I do feel that weight return from time to time when I am willful. For today I need to constantly remind myself that surrendering and admitting I am powerless is NOT defeat its actually liberation, the more I give myself to the surrender the freer I become.


Plan of action

Pray (done)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to meal plan report any changes
Call Phil
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Re-read AA 12/12 and highlight and read the OA 12/12 and highlight
Listen to the file on meditation
emoticon


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/4/14 7:18 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Although i was abstinent it was not totally clean, I did not measure out my supper as I should have and subsequently I ate a little too much and left myself feeling stuff which I really dislike that feeling.

The rest of the day was decent enough, kind of long and on the road but I survived ;)

Plan of Action

Prayed (done)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to meal plan report any changes
Call Phil (done)
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Be of service, pick up the phone CALL OTHERS!
Do recovery work by reading AA 12/12, and listen to speaker files
Commit an hour to working on work projects
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
3/2/14 11:45 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. Feeling a bit better today than I have in recent days so I am grateful for that.

Plan of Action

Prayed (I sure did)
Submitted meal plan
Stick to my plan as written report any and all changes no matter what
Pray before my meals, give thanks after
Text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil
Reach out to other via phone
Do home readings (done)
Read 12/12
Listen to some positive files
Chair a meeting

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/28/14 6:23 A

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Good morning
My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE and I was abstinent yesterday. Still sick although not as bad as I was the past few days the meds seem to be doing their thing.
Got some what I assume is bad news about my mom. It appears she has something called vascular dementia, at least that is what she has gleamed from her MRI report we need official DR'S conformation of course but this time it looks pretty conclusive, or so she believes.
If this is in fact correct itís really going to have to change things dramatically. I am going to need to pray for the strength to really be there for her and put aside my own BS, thus far I have not done a very exemplary job. I have been trying really hard to remain calm and keep my tone even, when I am sick this is an incredibly taxing exercise for me. I just prefer to be left alone to suffer in silence; I donít really speak about it much. I mention it like I do here and thatís pretty much the end of it, although I do whine about it a little bit *chuckles* for the most part I prefer to be left alone and try to get better. That really doesnít work with my mom, she processís her life out loud and needs someone to talk to and has questions pretty much all day long. I cannot even begin to describe how difficult this simple sounding task is for me.
I am the kind of being lazy and putting off till later what I should do now, however if someone asks me for help amazingly enough I can spring into action at a momentís notice (go figure) I am the type of person if you ask me for help then I would like to get on it and get it done, often times I get requests for help but no clear plan or time line on when it should be accomplished, as one of my character defects that tends to really burn me up. Also if someone wants me to take them someplace, I might grumble about it inside but outwardly I will buck up and do it. Again I want to get stuff done and go so I can get back as soon as possible, often timeís hours can go by as I sit, fume, and wait for the whole show to get on the road. Yesterday was one such case; we needed to go to the store, I am still sick and not feeling great but she generally wonít ask me to take her someplace if she can manage it on her own despite saying she can. In the end usually yes she wants me to take her, which is fine. I was ready about 330 and sat on the couch until 4ish fuming, and then I did something different; I got up, went back upstairs and busied myself doing something else. Finally about 8pm we got out *chuckles* I was a little grumblely inside but kept my cool. These types of things are only going to get theoretically worse and not better in the coming days/weeks/years to come. Again I am not getting too upset until the DR confirms, even then I am already thinking we just need to come up with a plan to work on it. This is one of my worst fears realized but I am not getting into the fear right now. I am going to educate myself on the disease and see what the suggestions for treatment is and see what we can do. In my mind if we develop a schedule and have specific places we place things and leave them there we can cut down on losing things.
All and all itís another day above ground which is a good thing, I feel like crap but I could be dead ;) itís all in how you take it, I choose to take the positive today
Plan of Action for Today 2.28.14
Prayed ( I did)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan and report any changes, deviations or anything that is not as written
Pray and give thanks before my meals, and say thank you afterwards
Text Phil before and after my meals (I have been lagging on doing it after I will focus on completing both today)
Call Phil (done left msg)
Reach out to others, I will use Skype as well I can leave a video msg , I will also use the phone to reach out to other program people
I will read at least the first 5 pages of the AA 12&12 and highlight things that I have questions about or stand out to me.
I will listen to a file of Jon Cabit-Zinn Where ever you go there you are.
I will also read the first 5 pages of co-dependent no more


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/25/14 6:55 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE I was abstinent yesterday. Well despite my best intentions of staying home I ended up driving for my mom yesterday. I didn't feel great but we got the job done, I also picked up a few cheap cd's for the radio so that was a bonus.

I was very mindful of my tone and interactions with mom, I did my best to make the trip and day as easy as possible for her. She often reminds me I don't know what its like to have memory issues like she does, I sometimes forget so I make it a point to remind myself. I find I must have deliberate intentions in my day or things get pushed to the side. My goal is to create a structured schedule for my day that focus on the important things I need to accomplish while putting my program at the forefront of everything, this is something I have struggled with

Plan of Action

Prayed (soon as I woke up and hit the lights)

Submitted meal plan (done)

Stick to my meal plan AS Written and report ANY changes

Pray before and after my meals

Text Phil before and after my meals

Call Phil (done)

Be mindful of my actions today

Reach out to others and be of service

Take recovery actions, do readings at home, listen to some positive materials

Read Step 1 in AA 12&12

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/24/14 5:29 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday
Do not feel well at all today but I got up and I am getting after it anyways. I am supposed to travel down country today but my brother might be able to do it instead which will allow me to stay home and sleep and not wear myself out. Initially I was hesitant I didnít want to put him out, but he offered and itís better that someone go with my mom than she go alone, so I will let him.

Plan of Action

Prayed (yes I did)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to meal plan as written and report any changes
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Call Phil
Do readings
Make 2 recovery calls


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/23/14 10:08 A

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I am grateful for my HP
I am grateful for this day
I am grateful to be abstinent this morning
I am grateful for my family and friends
I am grateful for music
I am grateful for mom
"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work."-- H.L. Hungt

"We will either find a way, or make one."óHannibal

" Recipe for greatness - To bear up under loss, to fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief, to be victor over anger, to smile when tears are close, to resist evil men and base instincts, to hate hate and to love love, to go on when it would seem good to die, to seek ever after the glory and the dream, to look up with unquenchable faith in something evermore about to be, that is what any man can do, and so be great."--Zane Grey

Brought to you by: www.motivateus.com

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/21/14 7:18 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Not much to report, yesterday was a decent enough day.


Plan of Action

Submit meal plan (done)
stick to meal plan report any changes
pray before and after my meals
text phil before and after my meals
call phil
be of service by making recovery calls
read my big book

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/20/14 5:32 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

I had a good enough day yesterday, it was a rare one where I did not do my update or words of encouragement, I am getting those done first thing today to avoid that happening again.
I was upset about something that happened the previous day, well I was REALLY upset the previous day due to my keys being lost *chuckles* but I talked it over with Phil and he helped me understand my place in the issue and what actions I could have taken. The silver lining is yesterday I called the store where they may have been left and sure enough they were exactly where they were left. The store is kind enough to mail them up to me I just have to pay for shipping. In the end it just makes my work like a little jumbled as I cannot get into work just yet, but I will have my keys back soon so it wonít matter. Phil asked me if I was glad I didnít eat over it, and YES I am very glad I did not.

Plan of action
Pray (did it)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan and report any changes
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil
Be of service and make 2 recovery calls
Read step 1 in the AA 12&12
Organize my files and listen to a positive one on meditation


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/18/14 5:45 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.

Not much to say today yesterday was good. I got some recovery calls in, I did some readings it was a good day.
I am on the road today taking mom to an appointment; once again we will be racing the winter weather home, I CANNOT WAIT for spring. I really love where I live. I am small town at heart despite not really fitting in around here.

Itís tough to be part of the crowd when you have ideas and plans that are bigger than most. Most people are happy and content to stay right here and never leave, which is fine for them; there is nothing wrong with that at all.

I just want to do more and its tough to do from here, also the this winter has been really cold and lots of snow, not much fun at all *chuckles* I will have to leave here one day, but that day is not today.

Plan of action

Pray (soon as my feet hit the floor)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written report ANY changes to Phil
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil
Do recovery readings; take my BB on the road so I can read/highlight
Make 2 recovery calls
Do 10 pushups (done)
Pray before bed

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/17/14 5:47 A

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Incidentally before you ask the title of my blog is a song title, I am good with my life :)
Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday

Not much to say this morning i pretty much said it all yesterday *Chuckles* had a GREAT skype meeting, very powerful stuff, they are small and intimate I like those meetings very much, lots of good recovery being shared. I also like how make the time in my day to be of service and do this meeting. Often times I am conflicted with doing things because it cuts into my "weekend" time, however there is not an more important hour in my entire weekend than the weekend I spend in that meeting and I am VERY grateful for it. Without service, without communing with my fellow loopies/12steppers I would be lost. Support is the most vital part of my program, along with my HP which is first and foremost, strong sponsorship. If someone is struggling I cannot suggest more strongly to GET A SPONSOR!!! Find someone who is tough but fair and will tell you the truth and will call someone on their BS, also someone who lives and works in the Big Book and 12steps is essential in my option.

We are in a 12 step program, the Big Book is the foundation of the program and the steps help us ascend from the hell we are in, to the life our HP wants us to have and that we deserve.

Had a GREAT BB meeting as well, we covered the section more on alcoholism. I have long since let go of my reservations about the big book. Yes it called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous but that no longer matters to me, the message contained within is life saving. I interchange the words Alcoholic and alcohol with Compulsive Over Eater and Food almost seamlessly, to me it doesn't matter the substance its ALL a drug. If someone doesn't have a big book I cannot suggest strongly enough again to get one. There are plenty of free resources online for this type of stuff

say HERE for instance *chuckles* http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

I wish I had done these things 4 years ago as soon as I got into program, but I needed to suffer and experiment more before I realized I am a COE, I will be for life and I am fine with that because I will always be a recovering COE, there is no graduation from this program and I am SO grateful for that.

As Phil often says I cannot eat like mortals, I am powerless over the food. I am very grateful that I know this, i do sometimes forget so I must be vigilant in all I do, i must be mindful of all my interaction with food from my meals, to my meal prep, to eating out, to everything i put in my mouth no matter if its XXXX or a glass of water I must be mindful. That is the biggest challenge I face right now is being present, being in the moment. Even now to this day its so very easy to slip into automatic mode while prepping or eating food. So I work to bring my mind back to what i am doing at the moment.


Hmmmmmm even though i didn't have much to say today I guess my HP did


Plan of Action

Prayed (soon as my feet hit the floor baby)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written and report any changes
pray before and after my meals
be mindful of my meals, preparing my meals, shopping for my meals,
text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil
Be of service by making recovery calls
Start reading the next chapter in the big book, listen to a cd on meditation
Remember and remind myself constantly that this is a program of action and no one is going to do the work for me, I must do it myself. I can pray to my HP for the strength to get it done
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/16/14 3:25 P

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Good Afternoon



My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was not abstinent yesterday.

I had to admit to Phil this morning that I have been very sloppy lately, I had not been binging however I am not being ďcleanĒ. I have not been properly measuring things despite saying that I would. I have been indulging in soda and tricking myself into thinking its ďokĒ because itís a beverage, but it has calories and sugar. It felt good to be honest and also embarrassing that I was up to shenanigans and not being rigorously honest. I also had to admit some other things with other substances that I donít necessarily have a problem with yet I didnít feel like I was living clean, I was able to be honest with Phil and he was able to share his own experience with me and offer suggestions.



Plan of Action:

Submit meal plan

Pray (done)

Stick to my meal plan as written and report any changes

Pray before and after meals

Text Phil before and after meals

Make recovery calls

Be of service by leading a meeting

Do big book study



" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/15/14 12:09 P

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Good Morning



my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday



Not much to say today, not feeling 100% but I am up and about so I am grateful for that. Yesterday was a decent enough day, was pretty worn out from running around the day before, we got a bunch of snow, I got stuck not once but twice yesterday *chuckles* the first time my buddy and his neighbor pushed me out, the 2nd time I had to fend for myself but I got it done. Mom wasnít feeling well and needed to go to the DR, I pushed myself a bit further than I should trying to get unstuck and dug out, finally we just called a taxi, which will amuse some of you city folks seeing as how we only have literally one taxi here ;) welcome to small town life. I finally called our plow guy and he came and cleaned the yard out. I was trying to hold off because every time he comes itís about $20, we racked up about $60 the last few days. I am REALLY grateful that he works with us and lets me pay as I can. As bad as life is sometimes I have to stop and remember itís not really that bad after all ;)



Plan of Action



Pray (yes I did)

Submit meal plan (done)

Stick to my meal plan as written report any changes

Call Phil (done)

pray before and after my meals

text Phil before and after my meals

be of service make recovery calls (done)

read literature (done)

do 1 thing towards a goal today (10 wall pushups)

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


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GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/14/14 8:16 A

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Good morning

my name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE and I was abstinent yesterday

My appointment went well yesterday, I got done what I needed to get done. It was a long day on the road, I was kind of disappointed because I had been looking forward to going to a few pawn shops to find some cds I could use for my radio show but the 2 in that town didn't really have anything, in the grand scheme of things its not the end of the world *Chuckles* but i had been looking forward to that alot

We made it home before the storm hit, I feel a bit better this morning, things still arent 100% but it could be much worse I could be in the hospital so I am thankful I am well.

I appreciate all the thoughts and well wishes yesterday.

Plan of Action


Submit meal plan (done)

Stick to my meal plan as written report ANY changes

Call Phil (done)

Pray

Pray before and after meals

Text Phil before and after meals

Make some recovery calls

Read literature and listen to positive materials

Do 1 thing towards my goals today
emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/11/14 7:12 A

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Good morning
My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday but I was sloppy and picked at my supper while I cooked it.
Phil warned me this morning where this can lead and that I need to be vigilant before I end up saying the heck with it and binging. I am grateful to be able to pick up the phone anytime day or night and have someone there.
I had a decent day yesterday, I was able to remain call and treat everyone with love and kindness. My mom and I talked a bit about how to get along better and resolve differences which was good.
I may have talked about this before I am not sure, but I have realized that how I act out in public, or with other people, the mask that I wear is different than when I am at home. If don't treat people who I treat my mom, if I did I wouldn't have a job very long, or be able to return to Wal-Mart or any other stores. I often think about saying or doing things but the threat of repercussions stops me from doing it. I treat mom badly because I can get away with it that is a very hurtful thing to realize about myself
I admitted this too her and apologized, but itís going to take action and treating her different for it to matter. I spent some time with a fellow 12 stepper from another program yesterday. It felt good to spend time with someone in program, I am going to start doing this more often.

Plan of action
Prayed (soon as I woke)
Submitted meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written and report ANY changes
Pray before and after meals
Text Phil before and after meals
Call Phil (done)
Make 2 recovery calls
Read literature and listen to positive files

emoticon

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/9/14 12:28 P

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Good afternoon

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday. It was tough I did have thoughts of eating unhealthy things. Someone who is staying in our home left some candy laying around, I picked it up and put it in a bag, out of sight out of mind. I now know why Phil is always telling me not to taste things, I was bringing groceries in yesterday and dropped a container of flavored coffee creamer. Picking it up I got some on my hand and instinctively taste it, BIG MISTAKE. The taste immediately triggered me badly, I almost wanted to pull the cap off and drink it right from the bottle, it was a total minute of insanity to be sure. Later on in the night I was still thinking about this and the other candy around the house, I wanted SO badly to have some, I got an orange and some kiwi instead and hung in there. It was actually kind of frightening how powerful and vicious the craving was from a drop of the stuff on my hand. I am always reading this article or some list people post of Facebook and usually chuckle them off or share if they are really good. Today I found once called 15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Donít Do, it piqued my curiosity so I took a gander. It was almost like the OA yard stick, I hit just about all of them only on the other side of the spectrum. I desperately crave almost all the things on the list despite lying to myself on a daily basis saying I donít care what others think and I am fine by myself. I felt a little bad initially but then I thought that my HP and the program will help me turn all those things around. It was really good to read that stuff as a reminder of what I am going through, what I have accomplished and the direction I still need to go in. Ill share the link below in case anyone is interested.

elitedaily.com/life/15-things-that-e
mo
tionally-strong-people-dont-do/



Plan of Action

Submit meal plan (done)

Stick to my meal plan as written.

Prayed (done)

Call Phil (left message)

Pray before and after meals

Text Phil before and after my meals

Make 2 recovery calls

Be of service and chair a meeting


" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/7/14 6:55 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE, I was abstinent yesterday.
I had a decent day food wise; I was a little bummed out over someone I met through the rooms leaving the program. I was kind of hurt that they no longer wanted to associate with me, but Phil as always told me exactly what I wanted to hear. That person needs to do what they need to do for them, I need to focus on program and use that as an example to strive forward with my HP and recovery, he also said "look back but don't stare" for whatever reason that really struck me.

I don't do well when dealing with painful feelings (hence the COE) I see people within my own home struggling with their addictions, I feel like I am trapped between them. I am upset and grumpy all the time because THEY are not taking care of themselves. They aren't doing anything to me specifically but I am taking inventory like, well I am taking inventory, I need to remind myself to stick to my own back yard because I have PLENTY to do to keep me occupied. Still itís painful to see people who make the excuses I made, who lie to themselves and others, who are destroying themselves and KNOW IT, yet do it anyways. I was one of those people, I am a bite away from being one of those people again, perhaps thatís why I am so upset because it scares me to think of how quickly my world can come crashing down if I am not vigilant. I know Phil is right and I just need to push forward, itís just difficult then again no one ever said this would be easy. I donít like feeling sad but itís a part of life, so often I want to tell others how to save themselves but itís not my job, I am only responsible for me. Life is tough sometimes but I have to do what I have to do.

Plan of Action

Prayed (did it soon as my feet hit the floor)
Submit meal plan (done)
Stick to Call Phil (done)
my meal plan as written report ANY changes
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Read literature
Reach out to others and be of service

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/7/14 6:54 A

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thank you Short, hope you have a great day!



" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
CD14402600 SparkPoints: (47,115)
Fitness Minutes: (4,840)
Posts: 5,089
2/6/14 9:33 A

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Hello, Just wanted to say you are doing great on your weight loss! I'm like you in that I do kick myself for failings, which is okay if you don't do it and then quit because you had one failure. If you get up and try again that's good. Sounds like you are keeping on track. You can do it!!!!! Hope you have a great day. Eileen

GREG32572's Photo GREG32572 Posts: 16,449
2/6/14 6:22 A

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Good morning

My name is Greg I am a grateful recovering COE and I was not abstinent yesterday. I felt like I was hungry last night before bed and I had a piece of **** out of the fridge. I did not check in with my food sponsor on this I made the choice myself which is not good.

I felt embarrassed having to check in this morning and report that ďIĒ did what ďIĒ wanted, I didnít think of it as a big deal at the time; however Phil summed it up by simply saying I wasnít willing, which is true. I was not willing last night to pray, or call him for suggestion; I made the choice on my own. Even as I sit here now I am thinking WELLLLLL itís not as bad as when I would eat a whole large ****** thatís progress right? Yes it is indeed progress but I often hide behind the progress not perfection slogan.

Itís important not to beat myself up about the compulsive things that I do, but I need to take action to make sure it doesnít happen again, however itís also possible to hide behind that slogan as well, at least for me. I have often sat in meetings or talked to others and heard them rationalize about why they still eat this, or moderate that. Inside I shake my head and think ďI am glad thatís not meĒ BUT IT IS ME! Itís that self centered arrogance that lurks just below the surface. Phil has me pegged right down as suffering from selfish self-centeredness. I try to tell myself thatís not true because I do A,B,C on a daily basis to ďhelpĒ other people, but I donít do it joyfully; I do it because I ďhaveĒ too, or feel like I do. That tears me up as I sit here and thinking about it.
It all comes back to surrender, which I have not fully done yet, I had it summed up to me by James in an email this morning that really made sense to me which I will share now

ďHere is one way to think about surrendering. Imagine two armies have been fighting each other, and one side has defeated the other side. So the defeated army meets with the victorious army to surrender. The defeated soldiers stand before the victorious soldiers, and they start to lay down their weapons. However the commanding general of the victorious army tells them to keep their weapons and to come stand in the ranks next to his army. In other words, he has them join his victorious army.
This, of course, is an analogy about the kind of surrender we can and should have in OA. Don't think of it as "giving up." Instead thing about it as going over to the winning side. Your best approach to life has not worked. It has resulted in great mental and physical pain for you. So instead surrender to a better more healthy approach (The OA 12-Step Program) that does work. In other words, go over to the winning side. Furthermore, the more complete your surrender, the more recovery you will gainĒ


I never thought about it like this before, I always thought about surrendering as being ďbadĒ even though I knew that was not the purpose, that was the unconscious though I had about it.

Plan of Action
Pray (as soon as I woke)
Submitted meal plan (done)
Stick to my meal plan as written report ANY changes
Pray before and after my meals
Text Phil before and after my meals
Call Phil to report in (done)
Be of service by making 2 recovery calls
Re-read my big book section more on Alcoholism to see what I highlighted, listen to a file on meditation

" Taking ACTION is the ultimate power of Motivation. Nothing beats it, period."
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
Do not stop enjoying the wonders of life despite the inevitable hurting that impairs our soul. Hence, it does not make you less of a person when you weep in tears and are in distress. Nonetheless, learn to withstand the stings of time; rise on your feet for no one can ever bring back the soul in you and the beauty of life except you, and you and you."


 Pounds lost: 175.0 
0
72.5
145
217.5
290
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