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ADIOSALL's Photo ADIOSALL Posts: 5,197
2/16/15 8:15 P

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So, so sorry! Hope the meds help! emoticon

Asking and keeping JESUS CHRIST inside will kick those demons out too!

Edited by: ADIOSALL at: 2/16/2015 (20:18)


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JMD5583's Photo JMD5583 SparkPoints: (2,635)
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2/3/15 12:20 P

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I started cutting a year ago as a way to get my demons to stop talking. I was fine for awhile and wasn't cutting. I relapsed right before Christmas. I'm still battling with it.

Usually I cut my thighs with my razor to let the demons out. Then I started to feel dead inside so I started scratching my wrists and arms to make sure I was alive.

My gremlin is loud and obnoxious and I'm trying so hard to tame him. I'm hoping the new medications help get things under control so I can gain some sense of control over my life again.

SMILLER1710's Photo SMILLER1710 SparkPoints: (6,378)
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1/19/15 10:32 A

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Glad you're doing better now, Cathleen

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions

Sue



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ADIOSALL's Photo ADIOSALL Posts: 5,197
1/19/15 5:51 A

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i MADE MY DH HIDE ALL THE DRUGS, RAZOR BLADES, KNIVES, SCISSORS! i BECAME VERY SUICIDAL AN HOMICIDAL A MOTH AGO, ALL IS OK TODAY!



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SMILLER1710's Photo SMILLER1710 SparkPoints: (6,378)
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9/15/14 11:14 A

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Thanks, Lisa. Just trying to survive...

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions

Sue



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LOFLLAMA Posts: 7,296
9/14/14 9:40 P

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I am so proud of you for being able to get help for this. You are an inspiration!

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SMILLER1710's Photo SMILLER1710 SparkPoints: (6,378)
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9/14/14 3:11 P

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I didn't start cutting until I got into therapy and all the verbal abuse I endured as a child from both parents came to the surface. By that time, my father was dead and my mother was sinking into dementia so I couldn't even have the satisfaction of talking about it with them. Plus I was misdiagnosed at the time as depressed with GED so I was given solely anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. The drugs would work for a while, but then I would attenuate to them and I'd go down hill again. All the time I had suicidal ideation. It was one of those down hill slides that I discovered cutting helped let the demons out enough so I could function somewhat. With a knife, across my wrist or arms. Not too deep, just enough to let me know I could still feel something.

All the while I was saving all my left over meds from all the switching. I figured when I couldn't take it anymore, I would take all the pills. I also attempted to stab myself in the stomach a couple of times with a butcher knife. Once enough too draw blood and leave a small scar. I chickened out both times because I didn't want my daughter to come home from school and be the one to find me. Then their was one day when I just knew I wouldn't make it to the end of the day, so I asked my husband to take me to CPEP where I was admitted and spent 2 weeks in the psych ward until a new med took hold. I even tried suicide in the hospital, but got caught in time.

This past winter I had an urge to cut again because I felt so isolated, but I kept my hands occupied with knitting and stuffing my face. That's how I gained 20+ pounds over the winter. I had my counseling so I had someone to talk to, but I also used self-help books. I've come close to alcoholism (my father and brother were drunks) but never crossed the line.

So, no I don't anymore, yes I did, I discovered healthier ways to occupy my mind, and yes there have been different levels at different times

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions

Sue



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LOFLLAMA Posts: 7,296
9/14/14 10:45 A

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Do you do it? Have you ever? How were you able to stop? Have you had different levels of it?

I think this is a subject to explore because I'm not sure many people understand the difference between self-harm & trying to commit suicide.

I'm an EX cutter. I haven't cut since 1999. Most of my cutting was done when I was drinking. I got sober initially 10/13/1999. I cut one last time about a week into my sobriety. God it hurt!

I relapsed alcoholically & got sober again 1/11/2006, but during that relapse I didn't cut. I couldn't expose my son to that. Quitting drinking is part of how I quit cutting, but my son helps keep me from cutting.

Mine started as a young teenager, but it didn't get real serious until I was in my mid twenties when I started drinking. I was 32 the last time. As a teenager it was pin pricks & scratches. As an adult it was knife stabs, scissor cuts and deep stitch worthy slashes.

My body is scarred from my ankles to my chest & upper arms. The ones on my wrists are the very worst. I'm not sure that I ever really wanted to die that way, but I'm not sure if I hadn't thought it would be okay too.

I had all the triggers for cutting...sexual abuse as a child, abandonment, alcoholism, etc. I hated myself so much. It was always rage at self for my wounds. I hated being an alcoholic. I hated being drunk. I hated everything about myself for a long time.

I dealt with my issues through counselling and self-help books. I studied. I worked hard. I got better.

If you are a recovering self-harmer please share how you got better. If you are a current self-harmer please seek help! You CAN get better!


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