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FLY0NTHEWAL1's Photo FLY0NTHEWAL1 Posts: 1,224
7/12/12 6:54 P

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I am going to concur with POPOF4 and NADS. Plus, the improvement you are seeing is a good sign. From what I have read, children who are experiencing abuse show signs in terms of withdrawing, becoming secretive etc.

I have not heard of a therapist taking their patient/client out to events, but I am not a professional. I wonder if this is a way of creating trust with him, developing a relationship of trust. Always keep your eyes open, and trust your grandson.

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CAROLINA770's Photo CAROLINA770 Posts: 1,064
7/10/12 2:09 A

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Good points NADS & POPOF4.

"Associate yourself with people of good quality,for it is better to be alone than in bad company.

Booker T. Washington
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7/8/12 5:23 P

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10-4 pop of 4! I like hearing from other dad's who take fathering seriously. I have little other purpose right now and sometimes I feel like I have to try twice as hard because he is only with me half the time (divorced).

Keeping the communication line open is so important. I quizzed my kid with sex questions a few weeks ago and he had most of the answers. Wasn't awkward at all, even laughed a lot. My dad never had the talk with me. If he says the wrong thing, or an adult themed thing, I try not to get mad or make him feel bad. I'll just say that it is inappropriate and the look in my eye or the chuckle that I suppress helps keep the door from closing. I love that he feels like he can say things to me, that he comes to me. I never agreed with that crock expression that you can't be friends with your kids and still be their parent. He's saying them or hearing them with his friends anyway right? Gives me an idea where he's at.

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OUREB33's Photo OUREB33 Posts: 5,464
7/8/12 5:03 P

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Popof made a lot of great points.

Kris
If you don't make it happen for yourself then it wont happen be strong !!!!!!!!
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."-Robert Francis Kennedy

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"My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on."-the movie Forrest Gump




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POPOF4's Photo POPOF4 Posts: 2,829
7/8/12 3:13 P

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Good stuff NADS. The truth is you can't really be sure your child is safe. You just have to try to develop a relationship with your child where they will be honest and tell you about their sexual experiences especially if they aren't comfortable with what happened as your child enters that middle school age. Kids or peers present more of a danger than adults. Kids experiment with drugs and sex with other children. This means you have to just do your best to raise them right. Communication is key and if Mr. X is helping then there is no reason to stop that protocol.

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NADS1959's Photo NADS1959 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/8/12 1:23 P

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Get-n
You mentioned he was in scouts. In scouting the topic is visited repeatedly with the kids from cub scouts on up (i'm a leader). It's drilled into them. It's also broached in school every year in several different programs, just with different phrases (no, no zone). I think the days of a kid getting molested and not telling someone is pretty much over. I don't This does not apply to teenagers however because they may have reasons to stay quiet that doesn't apply to younger kids. Additionally, the lions share of all molestation's come from within the family circle, not from strangers. This is when kids are reluctant to mention it.

Edited by: NADS1959 at: 7/8/2012 (13:24)
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CAROLINA770's Photo CAROLINA770 Posts: 1,064
7/7/12 11:52 P

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@ RAVIN............. Thanks for the link and the suggestion to speak to other professionals. It is such an obvious thing to do, yet it went right over my head. LOL.

@NADS............... I know what you mean about him being 10 and not 2. However a lot of 10 and over children have been molested and never told there parents.

"Associate yourself with people of good quality,for it is better to be alone than in bad company.

Booker T. Washington
OUREB33's Photo OUREB33 Posts: 5,464
7/7/12 1:48 P

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I would drive him to the park and stay at a distance. Its to easy to get hurt at a park that you might need to be close for that reason. I also dont see any counseling being done at the event because of confidentiality.

Kris
If you don't make it happen for yourself then it wont happen be strong !!!!!!!!
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."-Robert Francis Kennedy

Make it happen losing ladies!!!


"My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on."-the movie Forrest Gump




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NADS1959's Photo NADS1959 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/7/12 1:38 A

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yes, the kid will tell you if anyone touches his no, no zone. He's 10- not 2. You did your due diligence.


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RAVINRADISH's Photo RAVINRADISH Posts: 238
7/7/12 12:27 A

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I think you have a bit more anxiety about this than others. Let me say, I'm not a parent, and I am a more trusting individual in general. I generally assume the best in people and try to go with my gut feeling. You can never protect the kid from everything, and you know that. You will have to learn to trust people and to really listen to what your instinct is. If you have a bad feeling about someone, act on that feeling.

I don't think it's uncommon for a child psychologist to take children to a park or to meet with them outside of their office. It can be difficult to get a true understanding of anyone, especially a child, when working only in an office. However, going to events IS strange because there's usually no interaction at events like baseball games or whatever.

This paper discusses child psychologists' roles:

http://users.phhp.ufl.edu/jhj/roles.pdf

Also, call around to other psychologists and ask about how they treat their patients. Ask them questions. If they sound similar to what Mr X does, then you're okay, if they say something different, talk to them further.

Another thing, talk to Mr. X. Tell him about your fears. I mean, your GS has been seeing him for two months now, so you must trust him to keep letting your GS see him.

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.” - Roseanne Bar


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CAROLINA770's Photo CAROLINA770 Posts: 1,064
7/7/12 12:08 A

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As I have said before Pops and I raised our oldest grandchild from the time he was 14 mos. old. He went to live with his mother as she was doing very well. She had been through a drug rehab program and had taken some parenting classes. She wanted him back and he wanted to be with her. I still have custody of him.

As of the end of Jan. he came back to us. He left us a happy, loving, and forgiving child. 14mos. later he came back to us very angry and determined that his mother would one day pay. He is 10 yrs. old. We tried to talk to him and explain that he could not go through life with a chip on his shoulder.

We are not able to give him the tools he needs to deal with his anger so we decided to find professional help for him. One of Pops customers is a Child Psychologist ( Mr. X ) and Pops thought he would be a good choice. So we spoke to him and he had an opening for GS.

On our first visit Mr.X said that there would be times that he would want to take our GS to an event or perhaps to a park and that he would probably meet with him in our home from time to time, also.

We are very particular about who we leave our GS alone with , as we were our children. Very ,very few people meet our requirements. He is dropped of no where. If he has a scout meeting or ball practice, we wait on him. At an event or gathering where there are lots of people, he does not have to stay right beside us ,he is allowed to enjoy friends he may meet, but he knows he is to stay within our sight.

I have done a background check on MR.X and it came back clean. He seems to have the proper credentials Our GS sees him through his private practice, but he is also employed by the School System in a different County. GS likes him and looks forward to his weekly app. ( $$$$$$$ !!!!! #@^&%*#@ ) After about 8 weeks I do see a very slight improvement in GS attitude.


But still how do you know when it is safe to leave your child with someone? A clean back ground check only means that person has never been caught. I am jaded and cynical as all hell. And the Jerry Sandusky crap does not help any. Bad things happen to children at the hands of people their parents trusted every day. Religious leaders, teachers,scout troop leaders, coaches, family friends, neighbors.

We have talked to our GS about being touched and people that make him fell uncomfortable.

Is it a common practice for a Child Psychologist to take children he is working with to a park or event?
Can you ever be sure your child is safe with someone else?
Perhaps I should decline to allow our GS to go any where with Mr.X.
What are your opinions?








"Associate yourself with people of good quality,for it is better to be alone than in bad company.

Booker T. Washington
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