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SMACHEL19's Photo SMACHEL19 Posts: 474
11/15/14 1:23 P

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I just turned 30 in October. It was scary!

I have always loved kids. When I was growing up I always knew I would have kids, I would be an awesome mom. Then I got together with my husband and he was upfront about not wanting kids. At first I thought this might change over time, that he might eventually want kids. But instead I found myself becoming ok with the idea of not having kids.

My younger sister has a 6 year old boy and a girl on the way. I love hanging out with my nephew and DH is great with him too, or at least pretends to be. I am so excited for my little niece to arrive, but of course with all the baby talk going around we get the question all the time, mostly from my sister. "When am I going to get a little niece or nephew?" "When are you going to give my kids some cousins?" Sometimes I just want to scream "NEVER!"

I am a nanny, so I get to play with other people's kids all the time. I love it. I get to enjoy all the fun stuff, and some of the negative stuff, and still get to go home to a kid-free house at night. I don't have to worry about finding a babysitter if I want to go out. Or worrying about how much kids cost. I occasionally get baby fever but then one of the kids I watch misbehaves in a way that makes me glad I don't have to deal with that all the time. Plus, after watching kids of all ages I find myself wondering if I really want all that comes with having kids, or if I just like the idea of having a baby. I love babies! But I don't think I really want to deal with the teenage years, ugh!

Plus, I am so afraid of needles. My sister is always telling me about how many times she has to get stuck for all the pregnancy tests. That, in and of itself, is just about enough to make me never want to get pregnant.

Like I said, I am becoming ok with the idea of not having kids. So far, every time I have seriously thought about having a baby I have gotten a puppy instead and that seems to work out. Just as cute and loving, and they don't need a babysitter for short outings, and they are babies for a much shorter amount of time. Having to deal with house training and chewing things they are not supposed to, and the vet visits usually shuts down those baby fever feelings because it's the same for babies, it just lasts much longer and is much more expensive.

(Oops, longer post than I thought it would be.)

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SMILEYGRL28's Photo SMILEYGRL28 Posts: 135
9/10/13 7:13 P

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I'm 33 and my DH and I would like children. I get asked this question all the time working with the public. I get so frustrated.

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8/9/13 2:50 P

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Hi all. I am 30 years old and have known since I was a child that I didn't want kids. I LOVE KIDS, but I love other peoples children. I work in a school now and absolutely love it - the pre-K little ones to the mature 8th graders... they are so amazing!

My husband and I have been married for a little over 10 years now and we get the question all the time. Quite frankly, I find it rude and insulting. I don't go up to someone with children and ask begrudging, "why did you reproduce?" haha. It's basically the same thing.

Anyhow, thankfully since I knew from a young age that I did not want children, I could talk to my now husband before we got married about children(that would have been a deal breaker). At first he was sad because he thought he wanted them. But before we got married, I made him promise me that he would come to me if he ever did want children because it was a huge discussion point. He agreed to no children, but to come to me if he changed his mind.

Funny, sometimes when I am with my BFF's little girl, I think - "huh! I could totally do this - look how cute she is!" and then I leave and am exhausted from a long day and smack myself in the head and think, "what the hell Carly - you don't want that!" Let me say, I love her and my niece and nephew. My niece's photo is what sits on my desk at work and I look at it several times a day. I love her with my entire heart and she is the most important person beyond my husband in my life. BUT, I could never care for her like she should be.

We enjoy being DINK's, which my husband had to tell me it meant, Double Income No Kids! hahaha We can come and go as we please. I don't find myself selfish, as I have been told by strangers, friends, and family - I actually consider myself to be the opposite for not bringing a child into the world unwanted. NOW, if for some reason, I would become pregnant, we would have the baby and love it. It's what I believe in.

That's my story! So glad to find this group.

Carly (ShapeItUp3)

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain


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1/20/13 6:50 P

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I spent most of my life not wanting children. Even as a kid, I tried explaining to my parents that I didn't want children. They would remind me that I am a 2nd generation only child, and that it's my "responsibility" to carry on the family, b/c there's no one else who can. I would then be reassured that when I got older, perhaps - they hoped - I would feel differently. It wasn't until I found myself pregnant - and having to fight constantly with the Mr. over refusing to have an abortion - that my view started to change. I made peace with my pregnancy, and even started to (slowly) warm up to it - reading books, looking at nursery bedding and baby clothes, etc. - and found myself getting excited in spite of myself. However, I ended up having a miscarriage en route to tell my parents the good news. To spend your life not wanting kids, then have one (that you have to fight for) on the way & lose it... was pretty traumatic. Since then, I've found myself longing for one. But now, I have a long list of reproductive "issues" that don't necessarily make it impossible to have kids (as we haven't been to enough specialists to say that definitively), but I don't think it'll happen without IVF, or something similar. Not just b/c of my issues, but also b/c the Mr. (yes, we're still together, and he's now ok with whatever happens in the future -- bio child, adoption or remaining childless) has a genetic disorder on his X-chromosome, so assuming I could have one, it would only be advisable to have a male. I'm not really sure what the future has in store for us, but we're trying to make the best out of whatever happens.

Edited by: WILD_LILY at: 1/20/2013 (18:55)
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THE_GOPHER82's Photo THE_GOPHER82 SparkPoints: (268)
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11/12/12 9:12 A

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It was really nice to find this group. I've never wanted kids. Every year that goes by (I'll be 31 in a few months), just makes that feeling even clearer. Like AK said, I like kids...other people's kids. I've always joked, I like to wind them up and then give them back to their original owners!

I like my life as is and have never felt those maternal urges. My significant other has never wanted kids either, so it's nice to be with someone who feels the same. I like my "kids" to have 4 legs and fur, so I'm quite happy with my crazy dog, and sweet kitty.

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1STICKBLUES's Photo 1STICKBLUES Posts: 215
7/11/12 3:34 P

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This is so refreshing! Both of my older sisters are married with children and while niether has ever been a part of my long term goals, my mother is always on me about both!

Luckily, my friends don't even bat an eye at my choice to not be a wife or mother. I own my home, have a good job and an amazing (if mildly pushy) family & support system (including the best dog ever), so what more could I want!?

And just an FYI, my younger, childless & single brother never gets any push from our matriarch!

CRYSTALLULLABY Posts: 2,620
6/5/12 9:54 A

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Oh, how much better I feel after reading these if only to realize that others get as frustrated and resigned about the whole ďWhat about kids?Ē question.

RR1_RR1 - Iíve been the same way since I was younger. Kids tend to scare me - my brain just has never worked that way, I canít wrap my head around it. And I love that you clarify that you are NOT selfish because you choose not to have kids. Itís such a prevalent view only because we seem to have to sell it to those who have kids and the selling point tends to be ďLook! You can control your time and your money!Ē So it seems the misunderstanding continues...

CHASCHU - Iím 30 and I am also still waiting to hear from that thing they call a biological clock. It is another thing that I canít wrap my head around. I feel like Iím broken or a part is missing since I keep hearing about this biological clock Iím supposed to have but I donít. That part can be even more frustrating "What about your biological clock?" "Thanks, just in case you weren't trying to make me feel awful for not having kids (or even wanting them) now you are telling me that there is something biologically wrong with me...Thanks."

MOCHACHICA - OH I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID WORD FOR WORD! It is ridiculously rude to assume that your sexual life is public business, just because thatís how children are made. I always want to counter with ďSo now that youíve asked me a rude question, Iíll ask you one. How much do you weigh? How much money do you make?Ē I want to. I donít. I should.

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MOCHACHICA's Photo MOCHACHICA Posts: 245
5/21/12 12:31 P

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Hi all,
I'm Mochachica and I don't have kids. My husband and I do want them and perhaps will start trying soon but as for now, there are no kids and we are okay with that.
We do get the question and most of the time I hate it. It doesn't bother him but it bothers me a LOT.

I really think it is rude to ask someone you barely know about something so personal as having/not having children. When family ask I feel more comfortable giving them a reason. But to me this is like asking someone how much money they are making. I wouldn't ask a church member or a neighbor that question. Same goes for kids.

I still think we have a little time and we aren't quite ready yet. We both have lots of student debt. I'm not making much money. We live in a 1 br apartment. If we have kids we want to give them at least as good a life as our parents gave us, or better. We both came from working class homes so understand we're not trying to become those sweet sixteen parents you might see on television.

Still, considering some of my medical issues, having children may be difficult or may not happen. I wish there was a way to get through to others that their questions are rude, hurtful, or just plain none of their business.

Edited by: MOCHACHICA at: 5/21/2012 (12:32)
~Diedra~


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AMIGWEN's Photo AMIGWEN Posts: 309
4/22/12 9:48 A

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Hi all! I'm Ami and am new here. I'm not sure if I'll be allowed to stay as my DH does have a son ... so I am a step-mom.

I met my DH about 13 years ago. After telling him I wasn't interested in marriage or kids he agreed he was at that point in his life, too. Then bam! He has a 6 year old son he tells me about. LOL. It might have been a "deal breaker" if I knew before I fell in love with DH. Or if he had sole custody of his son. However it worked out that we lived in NC and his son lived in FL. We only saw him on every other holiday and the summer so it was almost like he was a nephew. He's 19 and in college now so everything worked out fine I suppose. But he and my DH both remind me - especially on holidays - that I am not his mother. Which is fine with me, it just makes me sad to see that my DH and his son don't have the relationship I think they should have. They have the kind of relationship I had with my dad (which is the main reason I didn't want kids).

Anyway ... that's my story (kinda). I will drop the team if having a step-son disqualifies me from participating. :)

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

- Ami


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3/8/12 1:13 P

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Hi all! I'm Kate. Growing up I couldn't wait to become a mom. I was single through most of my 20s and started realizing that it might not be an option. My brothers blessed me with 4 nieces that I love dearly and spoil when possible. In my late 20s I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't interested in every getting married or having children. I found myself surprising ok with both. We've been together for a few years and as of now, I am still content with not having children. We have a spoiled rotten Belgian Malinios and for now, she's more than enough. We are both still too selfish to even think about having children. But I haven't ruled the possibility of us having children one day because he's already talking about us getting married. Only time will tell and so long as I'm happy in the present, I'm not worried about what the future holds.



"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

"I can't believe that we would lie in our graves wondering if we had spent our living days well" - Lie in Our Graves, Dave Matthews Band




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KRISTIN1074's Photo KRISTIN1074 Posts: 177
1/24/12 9:30 A

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Hi there! So glad I found this group... I have to say it is nice to know there are others out there. I have been married almost 12 yrs. My DH was honest from the get go - said he didn't want kids... at first I though as we got older he would change his mind, but he hasn't. And I am ok with that now. There are still days I think I would like children but others when I am so glad we dont. We both work busy schedules - can't imagine fitting in all that goes into taking care of kids! We have 4 fur kids we love very much!
I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that I get asked all the time - " when are you two going to have kids?" - and every time I call my mother or MIL I get asked about when we are having babies... or when I get good news and I call and say guess what... first words out of their mouthes are your having a baby!!
So far most of my friends have been good about the whole kids thing and don't pester us to much anymore. Since I am a teacher and most of them teach, they are ok with it! I love getting to spoil their kids and play with them - and then sending them back home!

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1/18/12 11:42 A

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Hi Chaschu!
Welcome to the board. It's pretty quiet around here sometimes, but do keep coming back and checking in. :)

I'm Jen, my post is below yours. I live in British Columbia Canada.

Hope to get to know more about you as the time goes by.

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CHASCHU's Photo CHASCHU SparkPoints: (0)
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1/18/12 6:15 A

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I'm 33 now and I've never been fond of kids. Suppose I figured I might eventually want 1, perhaps 2, but even now as my biological clock is ticking, I don't find myself any nearer to the "oh-I-wish-I-had-a-kid"-feeling. Which sometimes freaks me out a bit to be honest - because even though I don't want one now, I only have around 5 years or so perhaps less to make that final decision.

My boyfriend (of 7 years, we've bought a flat together - in Denmark most people don't get married) isn't too keen on kids either - or that is: he's fine with not having any, but if I really want them, we can.

A lot of my have gotten kid over the past 2 years. And I do sometimes find myself wondering if it's for me, but to be honest whenever I do go and see them, I feel a bit relieved that it's not me, when I do leave.

I suppose it's also because I think I have a pretty good life as it is. I have a decent career (am becoming an orthopaedic surgeon - which in Denmark, I means I only work 37 hours per week), both my boyfriend and I make decent wages and don't work much more than 37 hours per week and have 6 weeks holiday per year, so not only do we have money, but also the time to spend it on things like going out, mini-breaks, long haul holidays etc. And I have a lot of friends that live close by and I love spending time with them.

So really it does feel a bit like I'd be giving up quite a lot if I have kids - time with friends and my boyfriend, going out a lot, a lot of exciting holidays (think trecking around India or going on a safari in Africa would be difficult with a kid) and of course a lot of ME-time (I love a nice walk, reading a good book in my very own mini-library, enjoying a nice bath etc.).

And even if I can see that I'd also have many nice moments with a kid (taking the kid to the zoo, baking cakes together, playing with lego, christmas etc), I can also see all the moments that are very stressful - trying to get a career balanced with having a kid and all the conflicts you have to take on, when your kid is pushing boundaries.

So so far not having kids is the most appealing... but I still have a couple of more years to change my mind...

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1/6/12 2:59 P

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I always wanted children, and thought that I'd have them (at least 2).
Then, in my twenties I met my DH (Darlin' Husband) to be. He was going through a nasty separation and divorce, had one child from that relationship.
We dated for 5 years, and got married. After a year of marriage I told him "I'm going off the pill. Either we're having kids or you're in charge of the birth control. You have a month to figure it out" He felt that if he couldn't be part of DD (Darlin' Daughter) life on a day to day basis (the x took child to a community 8hrs drive away), then he didn't want to have more kids. He didn't want her to think she'd been replaced.
Within a week of our conversation he had an appt. for surgery booked.

At times I've found it hard when friends have had kids, mostly because it usually changes our relationship. I love kids, worked in an Infant/Toddler daycare for over 7 years (I've done more diaper changes than most parents) :)
At 37, I'm past the age where I would want to start having a family. DH and I are used to being footloose and fancy-free.

It works for us. :)



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RAINA413's Photo RAINA413 SparkPoints: (0)
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1/5/12 7:40 P

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I've always wanted kids. I just don't think we will ever have them. First it was the economy, then it was the lack of a decent place to live, now that I am older and we have actually been trying (for several years now) we are told that it doesn't seem possible without all sorts of major medical intervention that there is no way we could ever possibly afford.

I don't begrudge my friends who have kids. I am happy for them. However, today was a really bad day for me. I am already frustrated by the whole medical issue standing in my way when the wife of a friend of my husband's called to tell us they are having twins. They already have THREE KIDS!!! Life is just so unfair sometimes.

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RR1_RR1's Photo RR1_RR1 Posts: 982
12/20/11 3:26 P

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I just simply don't want kids, never liked them....not to sound mean, just have never had the urge to have a conversation with a little kid. Im dont consider myself selfish because of it just because I choose not to live the average persons american dream. Plus in NY I would never be able to afford one even if I wanted one. Being single though its also hard to find a man who doesnt want them, so that narrows my options down quite a bit. Im 37 and single.

Edited by: RR1_RR1 at: 12/20/2011 (15:27)
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SARAHANN32's Photo SARAHANN32 Posts: 1,023
12/15/11 11:54 A

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AK_Miller said what I've been thinking for so long. I've known since I found out I was adopted and how YOUNG my mother was when she had me that I didn't want kids. At that point in time it was more like - I don't want to end up like her, I don't want it ruining my childhood. Then I got to college and the present and I still don't see myself having children. Luckily my boyfriend feels similar. His sister has a mental disability and there is a risk that he carries that gene. Because I'm adopted I had my genes tested and luckily there isn't anything that is a show stopper on my end. I like my friends kids - they are fun to spoil and hang out with and watch grow. But they get to go home and have all the throw-up and poopy diapers and temper tantrums somewhere else. I get to be "auntie sarah" and get to teach them and give advice and be a shoulder to lean on when they can't talk to mom and dad. At the moment I feel like that is a better roll to play.

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SOAPSANDROPES's Photo SOAPSANDROPES Posts: 923
9/23/11 6:50 P

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I spent 8 years in graduate school so in my head I am still in my early twenties. I have never had that baby craziness. I have always told my boyfriend if it is important to him then kids are fine but right now I do not feel like I am missing anything from my life. Life is great right now, I have a house, a great boyfriend, a wonderful cat and a career that I really like.

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7/19/11 1:17 P

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I have known since my teens that I didn't want to have kids. It's so hard to explain to people that are in the other "camp" because just as I can't put myself in their position, they can't understand my place in the world either. I'm awesome with kids, I love kids, I just like other people's kids. I like giving them back. I like my personal space. I like "ME" time. I like doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. I like peace and quiet. I like an orderly house. All these reasons don't fit with the lifestyle of raising a child.

I'm lucky to have found a husband that shares the same feelings too. We both feel the exact same way and it has never been an issue for us. As well, he has Crohn's Disease so that pretty much seals the deal when it comes to not having kids since it has risks of genetic inheritance. We're not opposed to adopting a child if we ever decide that's how our lives should go, and honestly that was our decision before we found out he had Crohn's. I work in law enforcement and see really bad situations involving children. There are too many out there that need a family for me to be so selfish to simply want one of my "own".

Anyway, that's us - and we get a lot of strange looks for our stance but we've grown used to it and we're proud of our decision. We love our life and wouldn't change a thing!

Team Leader - Sparked Women of Law Enforcement
Team Leader - 30 Somethings Without Kids
Team Leader - SP Class of December 12-18, 2010


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7/19/11 1:04 P

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Everyone in this group has probably been asked "THE" question a thousand times, and for each time they've been asked you've probably heard flack for your answer too, right? Am I right?!

Well not here. No judging, no rolling of the eyes, no banishment to fiery forbidden places. If you'd like to share your reason why you don't have kids, vent about encounters with judgement or screaming babies, and lend a shoulder to the rest of us going through the same thing well here is the place!!

Edited by: AK_MILLER at: 7/19/2011 (13:07)
Team Leader - Sparked Women of Law Enforcement
Team Leader - 30 Somethings Without Kids
Team Leader - SP Class of December 12-18, 2010


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