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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,641
4/1/18 2:07 P

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Cherrie
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3/31/18 11:08 P

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3/31/18 10:09 P

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More Easter Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a skunk with a type of Easter candy?
Smelly beans!

What's pink, has five toes, and is carried by the Easter Bunny?
His lucky people's foot!

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital?
Albunny, New York!

What's long and stylish and full of cats?
The Easter Purrade!

"Why are you studying your Easter candy?" "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"

Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?" "Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

What has big ears, brings Easter treats, and goes "hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM"?
The Easter Elephant.

What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster ?
One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!

How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket?
One.
After that the basket won't be empty.

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

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3/30/18 1:47 P

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EASTER JOKES

Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?
Because he kept quacking all the eggs!

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a leprechaun?
The Easter Blarney!

How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy?
Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite kind of story?
A cotton tale!

How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
With a hare dryer!

A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter.
He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck.
They were both very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick.
Do you know why?
The baby chick was a little cheeper!

Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"
Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."
Boy 1: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."
Boy 2: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an overstressed person?
An Easter basket case!



Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

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SMILINGEYES2's Photo SMILINGEYES2 Posts: 19,535
3/16/18 2:21 P

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Love all of these — especially the memo from God and repaint story.

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3/16/18 12:02 P

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Memo From God


I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the man in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed his children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!!


i) The Irish attempt at scaling Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

ii) The Doctor was puzzled 'I'm very sorry Mr O'Flaherty, but I can't diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.'

'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.' said O' Flaherty.


Will and Guy take the view that the equivalent of an 'Irish joke' has existed since the dawn of times. It's as though every culture has independently developed this genre for spinning yarns and telling jokes. Even Belgium, not a country noted for its humour has 'Walloon Jokes'.


Digging a HoleFunny Irish Jokes
A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.

'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?'

'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the tree and Sean fills in the hole.

Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn't mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?'

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,641
3/16/18 11:48 A

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There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could.
So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

Eventually, the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job.
And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.

Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder.
The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”


And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”

Cherrie
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SMILINGEYES2's Photo SMILINGEYES2 Posts: 19,535
3/14/18 9:30 A

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emoticon Great clean humor.

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3/14/18 9:20 A

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Cowboy Joe


Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.

"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.

"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.

"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.

"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.

"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.

"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.

"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.

"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.

"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.

"Pew," Charlie retorted.

"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."


The Dead Church


A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.

The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.


Three Hymns


One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

And there sat our Rosie all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

Keep Walking With Jesus-Leader

Hopeful Hearts Breaking Free From Hurts - Leader

Gastric Sleevers - Leader

2018 Summer 5% Challenge for the Shooting Stars Team - EL Leader

Driven by Faith - Leader


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3/9/18 11:52 A

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The Army of the Lord

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."


A Sure Cure

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"


Acting Up In Church

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"


Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

Keep Walking With Jesus-Leader

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Gastric Sleevers - Leader

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SMILINGEYES2's Photo SMILINGEYES2 Posts: 19,535
3/8/18 7:00 P

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3/8/18 2:10 P

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Q. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?

A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.


Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.


Q. Where was Solomon’s temple located?

A. On the side of his head.


Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A. It’s Christmas, Eve!


Q. How does Moses make his coffee?

A. Hebrews it.

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

Keep Walking With Jesus-Leader

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CHERRIET's Photo CHERRIET Posts: 7,641
3/8/18 1:49 P

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Edited by: CHERRIET at: 3/8/2018 (13:56)
Cherrie
Ohio - EDST


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SMILINGEYES2's Photo SMILINGEYES2 Posts: 19,535
2/27/18 7:52 A

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Cute. Kids.

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2/27/18 7:18 A

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A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and he shows up."

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

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DLWHATLEY70's Photo DLWHATLEY70 Posts: 2,251
2/26/18 7:16 P

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Some of these are so great! Thank you!

Dreama

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SMILINGEYES2's Photo SMILINGEYES2 Posts: 19,535
2/26/18 4:29 P

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emoticon Humor is the best medicine. Love these.

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2/26/18 4:22 P

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We all need to laugh a bit and it is healthy to laugh, so let's share some clean wholesome jokes!

Good Natured Bible Jokes
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Let Go and Let God!

Bob Hook

Keep Walking With Jesus-Leader

Hopeful Hearts Breaking Free From Hurts - Leader

Gastric Sleevers - Leader

2018 Summer 5% Challenge for the Shooting Stars Team - EL Leader

Driven by Faith - Leader


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