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2/16/12 10:34 P

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It is great to find a tread that is full of twins - although we have the closest thing to ourselves in a friend from our twin, no one understand twins like a twin! You nailed it on the heads too. That is the real reason I feel discouraged. It is because she is the picture of the me waiting to come out. The one I know is inside me if I would just get this weight loss right and stop making excuses. It is like looking into a mirror of how I see what I want e to look like!

It is so nice to meet you guys and doubly nice to know you and your twin are Christians too. I thing some of the time I feel I let God down too in my struggle for weight loss. I know I can do all things through Christ and He gives me the strength to do it - but when it comes to making good choices for my weight and not bingeing when I am stresses. . .

My number one prayer is that I keep turning to God for my stress and not food.


MARIPOSAGALAXIA's Photo MARIPOSAGALAXIA SparkPoints: (0)
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2/16/12 4:56 P

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I totally understand that. No one else knows what its like to always have "yourself" to compare yourself to. We can't say things like "I'm just built this way" or "my body changed when I got pregnant," or "its genetic" when there's all this evidence staring at us in the face that its lifestyle and not genes. Its also hard to accept oneself where one is if their twin is in a perceived better place. Social comparisons are a huge indicator of subjective well-being for everyone, twins and separates alike. Downward social comparisons, where we compare ourselves to people who seem to have less going than we do make us feel good about ourselves, whereas upward social comparisons, where we compare ourselves to people who seem to have more going, cause us to feel bad about ourselves. Twins have this the WORST. Nothing like having a living mirror to help us feel neurotic.

But the truth is, its a myth, because people are more than their genetic code. You two have different personalities and different experiences, and different stress levels which also shape your physical traits. My sister and I's weight always fluctuated wildly when we were younger based largely on what was going on around us. I was 40lbs heavier than her our senior year of high school largely because I was experiencing high levels of depression. Our senior year of college, she was heavier than I was because of the stress of planning her wedding. We finally evened out to about the same size in the last few years and now that she's pregnant its uncharted territory again! I always try to remember that genetics is only a piece of the puzzle.

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2/16/12 3:37 P

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Definitively the heavier by about 70 lbs. That wasn't always the case, we used to be about 5 - 10lbs apart,but ever since we both have had kids I have always been the heavier one. She is a constant encouragement to me, but sometimes when I look at her I get so discouraged - does that make any sense?

MARIPOSAGALAXIA's Photo MARIPOSAGALAXIA SparkPoints: (0)
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8/24/11 3:22 P

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I'm glad to hear you were willing to listen to your sister and check Sparkpeople out. It has been a great blessing to both my sister and I.

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JULESRINCON SparkPoints: (0)
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8/4/11 6:32 P

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When we were kids I was the fat twin, or as they would say "the one with the round face", bot of us were overweight, but I was heavier. In college, strangely enough, both of us got into exercising regularly and lost a lot of weight, but as the years have gone by I've been on a yoyo, where I gain weight, lose it, gain it back again. Sometimes I lost weight while my sister gained, and for a few months I'd be the "skinny" twin.

I've always been jealous of my thinner twin: she has the nicest clothes that I wouldn't even dream of fitting into. She can shop in stores without worrying that they don't carry her size. Her thighs don't rub together so she can wear dresses and skirts. However she started gaining weight and worrying for her made me realize that I should also worry about myself. And now I'm determined that there doesn't have to be a thin twin, that we can BOTH be the healthy twin :)

She's been on SparkPeople for years now and she's the one who told me about it :)

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BEEP-ITS-GEEP's Photo BEEP-ITS-GEEP Posts: 179
12/25/10 12:50 P

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My twin & I have traded places over & over on the fat twin, skinny twin. But I am the dumb twin.

beep beep


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JMDEVON Posts: 2
7/13/10 6:58 P

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Hi, I am new to this site. Just started today and am very excited about finding this team. My sister, Kaye and I are identical twins and at the moment I am the fat twin, weighing about 25 pounds more than her. We were the same weight most of our lives, except right after I had my children. I think the weight difference in part is because I had to have two back to back surgeries a few years ago and got out of the exercising routine during my rehabilitation period. Add to that the fact that I moved half way across the country for a job, and had to deal with all of those adjustments. Plus I didn't have her to monitor me. When we were living nearby we always monitored each other, albeit, not consciously. Neither of us wanted to be compared and referred to as the "fat" non-fit twin so we both stayed healthy, and encouraged each other to exercise.

I have been trying to get fit on my own, with little success, so I am excited to find this site. I hope with your support, I will achieve my goal of loosing 50lbs and and as a result loosing the status of "fat" twin.

Jaye

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SHELLBELL78's Photo SHELLBELL78 Posts: 52
7/7/10 3:17 P

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I am new to this SparkTeam.
All through childhood and up until we had our 1st babies, my twin sister and I were always the same size. Ever since children I have been the heavier twin. Right now I am at my heaviest ever, weighing about 40 pounds more than her. It has been REALLY hard. We are complete identical mirror image twins.

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CD7628594 Posts: 82
6/30/10 4:26 P

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Right now I am the fat twin lol, i'm like 15 lbs heavier. At birth my sister was a pound heavier than me. We go through phases sometimes i'm heavier sometimes she is. This is going to end one day and we will both be healthy.

FRAN0426's Photo FRAN0426 Posts: 29,476
5/4/10 4:35 P

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My twin and I are identical, mirror twins. We both were very thin a good share of our lives( 65at present). Now I'm the thinner one, but need to lose about 40 pounds.

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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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2/17/10 4:22 P

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Are you and your sister fraternal or identical?

Wow, you two were some healthy twins. My sister and I were both around 7 pounds, and from the pictures, my mother was GIGANTIC.

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SZABEL's Photo SZABEL Posts: 38
2/17/10 6:59 A

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It's hard to say who is the fat twin and who is the skinny twin. I was bigger at birth, 8lbs 6oz, and she was 7lbs 11oz (I know, huge right? We set the hospital record for the biggest twins). I've always been a couple inches taller, which makes a big difference in weight. Right now I wear a bigger pants size, but her chest is a lot bigger than mine. So although I think I weigh a few pounds more, I don't know whether that makes me the fat twin or if we're about equal. We're just distributed differently :)

Success is a frame of mind. I am successful because I decide to be so!


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MAMA2RYLIE's Photo MAMA2RYLIE Posts: 14
2/16/10 10:14 A

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I'm the fat twin. I was born heavier than her (5 ounces) and I don't recall a time in our life that I've ever weighed less. Even when we were both in awesome shape she was always 3-4 lbs less than me. At this point I'm a stay at home Mama and she works full time and she's still about 15 lbs less than me. I workout 6 days a week and watch everything I eat and she never works out and just barely watches what she eats...still she's smaller. I've just accepted it. I'm ok with being the fat twin...I just want to reach my goal weight and be a healthy person. I adore my sister...no matter how much less she weighs than me.

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CHELLE1230's Photo CHELLE1230 Posts: 850
2/12/10 12:01 P

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I used to be the fat twin. I was about 20 lbs heavier than my twin.

When I started losing weight, I was so happy to catch up to her weight,and eventually become 10 lbs lighter than her. but i made her self conscious by losing so now she has joined Sparkpeople and I believe has already lost 5 pounds or so.

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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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2/2/10 6:01 P

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I'm glad your sister is supportive. Weight differences are difficult between twins.

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A72B75C77's Photo A72B75C77 Posts: 84
1/26/10 12:40 P

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I started off as the heavier twin, but in high school I lost weight and stayed within 5 pounds of her until I had children. She's very supportive of my weight loss. We are both looking forward to weighing the same again. If she as a child I may become the skinny twin for a little while. I'm sure she will lose the baby weight much faster than I have.

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QUIERRA's Photo QUIERRA SparkPoints: (0)
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1/23/10 2:48 P

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i've been the skinny twin my entire life except for recently... my twin sister lost 30 pounds and now i feel very self-conscious. she's very supportive though with me losing weight. i have a lot more respect for her though, because now i know how she felt throughout high school. very interesting experience.

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CD5322367 Posts: 20
6/10/09 12:38 P

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Hey all, I'm new to Sparkspeople. Unfortunatly, I am the fat twin. While we could both lose a few pounds, I would guess I am probably about 15 pounds heavier.

I'm ready to be the "thin" twin :)

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2/1/09 11:02 A

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Welcome to the team! I imagine that fraternal guy/girl twins are less competitive with weight loss than girl/girl twins. If Cara told me that I was the smart one and she was the cute one, I would probably cry for a month.

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TEAKETTLE55's Photo TEAKETTLE55 Posts: 3
1/26/09 9:56 P

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I am the skinny twin. I e-mailed him (Terry) to join. He has now as yet. I will keep talking to him. He lives in Worley, Id. while I live in Cascade, Id. We do not see each other very much but are close. I alway tease him and say I am the cute one but he is the smart one. emoticon I just started a week ago and I am so happy to have something that I can follow and feel good about.

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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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11/14/08 5:32 P

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Ooh, you and your twin are so cute!

Edited by: SANDRAHUGHES at: 11/14/2008 (17:33)
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RP2116's Photo RP2116 Posts: 24
11/7/08 1:23 P

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I put a picture of my sister and I on my spark page. Its the wedding picture on the main page!

If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end. "Julius Erving"

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner.
"Les Brown"


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SSSHAYES's Photo SSSHAYES Posts: 9,867
11/6/08 9:10 P

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i am skinny twin

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RP2116's Photo RP2116 Posts: 24
11/4/08 11:53 P

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Hi im Rachel im new to this team, im an identical twin my sister is Renee, we have both been the fat twin in different points in our lives! im so proud of her she has about 10 pounds heavier than me for a couple of years and we are now exactly the same size to the ounce! we both need to lose more weight but now she is motivating me and with our competitive nature i believe we can achieve our goal together! im so happy i found this team. Its nice to talk to people who know what its like to be a twin!

If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end. "Julius Erving"

Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner.
"Les Brown"


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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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11/3/08 3:41 P

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Cara and I look more alike now than we have for many years. It is more fun that way.

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SSSHAYES's Photo SSSHAYES Posts: 9,867
10/12/08 3:56 P

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I was always the heavier twin. When we were teenagers, she was size 5 qand I was size 7. I was about forty pounds heavier than her for more than 25 years. Now there is only a 7 lb weight deference. She also lost more than 100 pounds. We look more alike now. emoticon

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ERICAGRNEYES's Photo ERICAGRNEYES Posts: 51
10/9/08 5:32 P

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Since I can remember I have always been the fat twin. She has always been very skinny almost having an althletic build. Many people don't think we are twins because of this reason but with the help of sparks i'm hoping to be in even better shape than she is!! emoticon

www.myspace.com/ericabmx

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge cloud of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." ~ Hebrews 12:1


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ABCDECHERRI's Photo ABCDECHERRI Posts: 44
9/28/08 8:55 A

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For a longggg time - all through-out high school - my sister and I were always the same weight give or take a few pounds. But we wore the same size and shared our clothes and everything and neither of us ever worried about weight. Then in the last semester of my senior year, I let myself go and I gained about 20 lbs! So yeah, I was the fat twin for the first time in my life and I decided I didn't want to be anymore. Since I've joined spark, I've lost 10 lbs and my sister and I are starting to look more alike again! I think she's still 5 or so lbs below me but I'm not sure since she doesn't like to talk about her weight (not that she has anything to worry about!).

So for every fat twin out there: no need to wallow in this lowly title; go out there and prove you can lose the weight! Good luck to everyone!

Name: Jess
Age: 19
Height: 5'3"
SW: 133 lbs
GW1: 125 (achieved! 9/18)
GW2: 120
GW3: 115
GW4: 110


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SAND58MON's Photo SAND58MON Posts: 119
8/24/08 7:49 A

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I am the fat twin. I started getting chubby when I was about 6-right when our tonsils were taken out- then food tasted GOOD- My twin, Susie, was ALWAYS thinner; even when I got down to 103 in high school- she had this in her head that she NEEDED to be 10# lighter and she was! We are doing WW together these days- but I am 100# heavier than her.

“My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. --Unknown

"Pessimism never won any battle." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

'If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.' -Ronald Reagan


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PAULETTEGMORRIS's Photo PAULETTEGMORRIS Posts: 1,112
8/11/08 6:11 P

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Hi all! New to the team - I have ALWAYS been the fat / chubby one! My twin and I are fraternal but mom would dress us alike, with the same haircut and I am / was always bigger than she was. She is an inch or 2 taller than I am and weighs about 105-110...maybe? She can wear Size 0 and size 3's mostly.

Since I've been on this lifestyle change, we do talk more about our weights. She has a faster metabolism than I do but she still struggles with weight, only on the lower end of the spectrum.

However, I have my dad's good teeth, and skin. And she has my mom's bad teeth, and oily skin. emoticon

Twitter at PaulettePGM and on facebook at Paulette G Morris!


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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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7/14/08 12:57 A

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I totally know what you mean about looking like the other person used to look. When Cara cut her hair short in college and died it blonde, she looked like me for a while, and then later I went blonde again and got down to her college weight, and I looked like her, and now she and I look more alike than we have in about 10 years!

I have a hard time telling other twins apart, too. I feel bad, because I feel like I should have some special ability to know who is who, but I don't. I try to remember that feeling when I get upset if people don't know who I am.

Thanks for posting, and welcome to the team!

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FAITHFULLYTRYNG's Photo FAITHFULLYTRYNG SparkPoints: (0)
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7/3/08 11:13 A

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My sister and I battle for that title all of the time. Not really battle more like passing the baton. I do not remember a time when we were both at healthy weights. In high school we were close in size but I still think that we were 15-20 pounds apart.

When she was her thinnest I was working on being my heaviest. Now we are close and are both taking charge of our health.

I don't know if any of you experienced this but we go through stages where she looks like I did 6 months to a year ago and then I will look like she did 2 years ago. I know that sounds crazy seeing as we are identical twins. I am sure all of you understand. It is easy for me to tell twins apart because I believe your personalities are different and then it becomes easy to tell twins apart.

I will also add that it is very hard to tell my twin nephews apart. If they are together it is easy. One is taller and 2-3 pounds heavier. I know that doesn't sound like a lot but when they are side by side you can really tell. When they are apart I have to look for a small scar that is hard to see on his lip. I hate that I have to do that; when I was little I would hide my birthmark on my leg because that was how everyone told us apart. I need to spend more time with them. My new job has made it hard to spend time with them but I am off all next week and I plan on spending a lot of time with them.


In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. -Author Unknown

For too long I have become a prisoner to my daily life. I let unhealthy, unconscious decisions dictate my life for me. NO MORE! I am taking control of my life. I will no longer just dream and hope things will change; I will change them myself. -Judy



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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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7/1/08 4:53 P

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Hey, Dollarnen! Thanks for posting. Congrats on all the progress you have made, and for bringing new twins into the world! I hope you get to see her in January. emoticon

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DOLLARNEN's Photo DOLLARNEN Posts: 127
6/30/08 1:02 A

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WOW! (Smaller twin, can't call myself skinny... yet)
This is SUCH a great thread!
My twin and I have always been severely over weight/ morbidly obese. We never really looked at ourselves in that manner, but that is the medical truth of it.

In our teen years, she was the smaller twin. After children, I was the smaller twin. Being single and being able to do what was best for me, I was able to lose enough weight to just be over weight but after a pregnancy ending early, giving birth to twins I am close to my all time high. My twin has always been supportive of my weight loss. I have always encouraged her to take this journey with me. Right now, she is. I have relocated to the other side of the country because of my husband's work and she is working to lose weight to be able to comfortably fly out to see us in January. That is a wonderful motivator for all of us.

Thankfully, we have a bond that many people envy and no matter who weighs less, we are the world to one another.

Slow and steady wins the race, but wait, there isn't a finish line, I am changing my LIFE!
N$


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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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6/23/08 1:21 A

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Welcome Hyacenthetic, and Tammy! It sounds like there is a lot of back and forth weight swapping with your twins. Cara and I were recently at a family wedding and one of our aunts commented on how we finally looked the same weight. She said, "so, is this like twin-competition, where one can't weigh less than the other?"

I was very proud of Cara, because she said, "No. It's not like that. We don't have to compete, and we can both be successful and help eachother."

I was like, go Cara! Way to foster a non-competitive attitude! I feel like sometimes our family creates competition for us that's not really there. She can do well AND I can do well. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

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CLEMMIE_PIE's Photo CLEMMIE_PIE Posts: 109
6/15/08 3:29 P

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Wow...this is a very interesting thread. I am Tammy, I am a fraternal twin (Tracey) We have always both had weight issues and every couple of years we trade for who is "skinny" and who is "fat." She is my best friend in the world, and which ever one is heavier at the time, always has a hard time with it. It is so funny, we are always comparing ourselves to eachother. Right now I am probably only 5 or 10lbs lighter than my twin, but we can't share clothes, and that is very frusterating.

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HYACINTHETIC's Photo HYACINTHETIC Posts: 596
5/29/08 1:09 P

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right now.. I'd say my twin brother and I are both fat. But when we were younger, I was always the.. not skinny.. but not fat one. my brother was really over weight. I was normal. then when I got into my first real relationship and moved out of my parents house.. I got sooo fat. and just kept getting fatter. after a few years, my brother lost SO much weight.. he got so so skinny.. and then I was the fat twin. I was SO jealous of him! i didn't want to see anyone from high school.. or family.. cause they all look at my brother and say.. HOLY CRAP! you look SO good! but I'n fatter now.. so.. nothing good to say about me. My brother gained some of his weight back recently.. but he's still a lot thinner then her was in high school. right now I weigh about 70 pounds more then I did when I graduated.. I want people to tell me I look great standing next to my brother too!

"Who wants a twig when you can climb the whole tree?"


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SANDRAHUGHES's Photo SANDRAHUGHES SparkPoints: (0)
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5/28/08 12:55 P

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Welcome, Joyce! Wow, it sounds like you definitely have a battle ahead of you. How strange that you and your sister have opposite, yet equally difficult problems. It is nice to have a twin to compare notes with and share your journey with. Best of luck!

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JWOLFE79's Photo JWOLFE79 Posts: 87
5/27/08 6:48 P

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Hello, I'm Joyce. I guess I'm the ~skinny~ twin of Joy. It's funny how our feelings are the same, but we are on the opposite side of things. When we were teenagers, she was the super skinny one and I had a little more weight on. After I had kids, my metabolism went into super drive. I can't hold onto any weight. I have little to no appetite. If I forget to eat, I lose more weight. I love how my sister has curves to her. I wish to have some too. But most importantly, be healthier. It seems that my sister and I have the same goal weight, but we are on opposite sides of the struggle to get there. And believe me, it's a struggle. It's great we are twins and are able to support each other, no matter what we're going through. I am so blessed that God gave me a twin to travel on my journey with. Have a great one!

God Bless,
Joyce

~A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. (Proverbs 15:30-NIV)~

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5/15/08 1:34 P

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Hello, Joy! What a beautiful name. I guess it would be difficult to have a fraternal twin who weighs less than you, because you would still feel the need to weigh the same, but you can't necessarily. I never thought of it that way. Carolyn and I have had our own differences, but it is great now that she and I are so close in our weights. (Of course, she is still 5 pounds lighter,) but...oh well.

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5/14/08 7:54 P

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welcome Joy! That sounds frustrating, her ability to lose so easily in comparison when you are trying so hard. Sandy and I have had similar problems, but we are identical so its a little different. Thanks for joining, and we look fwd to getting to know you.

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JOY8979's Photo JOY8979 Posts: 743
5/14/08 8:04 A

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Hello, I'm Joy. I'm new to the group. My sister and I are fraternal and very close (even though I currently live in CO and she lives in RI). Well she and I were around the same weight until I had my first child and was on the Depo shot for a year after. We both have three kids now and she has always gone back down to 100lbs and I struggle to even get to 115 (don't panic, I'm only 5'3" and she's 5'2"). It's especially hard now since our last children are only a month apart and it only took her less than six months to go down to her current weight of barely 100 and I'm still struggling 15 months later.

Success often lies just a few short steps beyond the point where we decide to quit. ~ Author Unknown

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. ~ Jim Rohn

Remember, if you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns! ~ Allison Gappa Bottke


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DEGRAW1's Photo DEGRAW1 Posts: 567
3/31/08 10:46 A

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Nicoleyvonne -

I can definately appreciate the "drastic differences" between two people who share the same DNA! It is crazy, though I realize we are starting to move towards a "middle line" as we get older and lifestyles/situations are changing...(i.e. my sister who is a true tomboy at heart (does nothing with her hair or makeup) is now married and she is having a good time getting all "pretty and girly" when he is around.) It is funny to watch her, and her VERY casual wedding was "a trip", we were all doing her makeup because she didn't bring anything she knew how to use.

Meglizzy- I was always the fat twin also...now my sister and I are getting closer on that road!

Edited by: DEGRAW1 at: 3/31/2008 (10:46)
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."


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MEGLIZZY's Photo MEGLIZZY Posts: 169
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I am the fat twin. My sister is 121lbs and she is always encouraging me to loose the weight. She does it in a nice way. I weigh over 80lbs heavier. I am three inches taller but that is the only difference

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NICOLEYVONNE's Photo NICOLEYVONNE Posts: 17
3/28/08 10:20 A

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Hello,

I'm new here. I was not the fat twin. People would refer to my twin; Tabitha as the Fat twin and I was refereed to as the pretty twin. She has a rounder face which will normally look a little heavier next to my hear shaped face. Now, we both have a weight problem. The other differences are the way we do our hair. whether it is short or long, I always style my hair and wear make up. Tabby does nothing w/her hair or face. Our clothing styles are also different. For sharing the same DNA, we are very different. We are both very emotional and home-body people. We both are animal lovers, too. She has two little girls (9 and 5) that look just like the both of us. It's neat. emoticon

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DEGRAW1's Photo DEGRAW1 Posts: 567
3/25/08 6:54 P

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Wow! I agree -- I am sorry to hear you have been placed on "enemy" status!

As the FAT twin for life I can appreciate how that "enemy status" hits though -- my sister always seemed to be thinner and find ways to lose weight "easier" then me forever (later to find out if I was in the gym 3-5 hours a day I would "easily lose weight also -- but that is a topic string somewhere else I am sure) -- until I hit SP and my "dieting" changed.

SP helped me focus on my "issues" and allowed me to open up with my sister and mother (who reminds me of your sister in a way, the constant "I want to lose weight/no I don't want to lose weight" debate) about things I was trying and being successful. At first there was resistance, but there is resistance to every change (even if it is seen as a "personal only effect")!

Soon my mother and sister started inquiring about some of the things I was learning...asking me advice and input on various vitamins and calorie intakes,etc.

The ONE statement that has stuck with me from when I was little (and my mother said it) -- "You will do it when you are ready, no one can make you!" The sacrifices are "huge" for losing weight - think about the beginning, giving up the candy/ cake/ soda/ etc. It SUCKS!

Stay as positive as you can, eventually she will turn around or she won't but don't let yourself get too down about it! You deserve a "healthier life', even if she doens't see it that way!

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."


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3/25/08 6:36 P

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that's too bad, Terri. I know I couldn't listen to a thing Sandy said for a while, sometimes with your twin its so hard!!! But I truly hope that she listens to other people in her life, even if she is currently shutting you out.

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3/25/08 2:49 P

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It is painful. I have to believe that it is in God's hands...

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3/25/08 2:35 P

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Ouch. This sounds like a very painful situation for you both. Twin jealousy is an ugly thing, especially when you really just want to help. I have felt the way she feels at times, when Carolyn weighed more than I did.

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3/25/08 2:19 P

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I am the lighter of the two of us. When we were growing up, both of us were really thin. Then, I went to college and I gained a little (from wearing a size five to a size 7). Tonya was very mean about it at the time. Then she got married and gained a lot of weight, from 115 up to 150 in the first year. I was about 125 at the time. Then I got married seven years later and had a baby and gained up to 160 and I had another baby and gained up to 200. Now I weigh 168. The thing is she gained weight with her pregnancies and lost some weight, but after her last pregnancy (6 yrs ago), she went from about 170 to about 250 the last time I knew her weight and she looks heavier now. I am trying to lose weight with Sparks People. I have lost 20 pounds since she moved out of state. She seems to resent my weight loss and it is like she is so jeolous that she hates me. I want to be healthy...I want her to lose weight. She says she is happy with her weight, not interested in dieting one day, the next day she says she is thinking about lap-band, the next she is talking about not dieting and just trying to be happy with her weight. Then she is talking about gastric bypass, then she is wanting to go on WW,and then she is back to eating out whatever she wants and not worrying about it. I am truly afraid she is going to die. When I went to see her this weekend, she has to sit down so much and she breaths so loudly. It is like she gets out of breath for everything. I want to help her, but she sees me as the enemy.

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THERINE's Photo THERINE Posts: 354
2/24/08 7:39 P

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I was always the fat twin, but is was mostly because I didn't care about it as much. My twin sister was always very svelte and learned tricks about sucking in your gut and things. Recently she has put on some pounds and I try to be supportive, but I feel like she is gets more depressed being in a position to get support from her fat twin about her weight. We probably need to have a talk about this.

"When someone, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, she has no right to keep it to herself"
~~Jacques-Ives Cousteau

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2/14/08 6:23 P

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I've always had the perception (whether this is true or not) that weight loss has been easier for Cara than for me. Like she said below, "it just melted off" for her, whereas every step of my journey has been a fight.

I'm not sure if it's worse to be the 'fat' twin who resents the 'skinny' twin, or the 'skinny' twin who feels guilty. Neither is a good way to be. But as you have found out, you have to make choices that are best for you, even if they leave her behind.

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2/14/08 4:00 P

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oh I totally see where you are coming from! When i initially started losing weight in college, sandy and I were about the same size. Then I lost 30 lbs, and there were problems, especially since she had usually been more conscientious about weight loss in the past, with middling results. Then my weight just melted off, and she was stuck. Then I couldnt share my excitement with her because it came off like bragging. So we basically just didnt speak of it much until she came to terms with it. But ironically enough, it was the opposite in HS! She was the thin one and I was the fat one and I totally resented that, until I could come to terms with it.

now we weigh the same thing, and its so great! Funny how a few lbs makes such a difference in our relationship.

But we both had to resolve to be happy for each other, I think thats what it came down to. The belief that "her success is not the same thing as my failure" is hard to accept, but, I think, imperative to us maintaining a loving relationship.

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TERSH79's Photo TERSH79 Posts: 87
2/13/08 4:10 P

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I'm so glad i found this team, just for this very reason. Right now my sister and I are actually about the same weight, but through college we would trade back and forth between who was skinny and who wasn't- the thing is, she would lose weight almost randomly, eating ice cream and all the junk she wanted, while i would work my butt off (literally...) and not see any results. Then we would switch, and i would start to show progress in my efforts, and she would stop being so active and start gaining weight.

So when she was skinnier, i resented her for it; then when she was heavier, i resented -myself- for it! We both try to be different from each other (even if we don't admit it!) and then when we are different on such a basic level as weight, i get upset about it. My sis, she couldn't care less how much she weighs, basically. This past year and a half i've lived across the country, the first time in our lives we've been apart (even went to college together, we're 24 now), so that's been hard for us too sometimes... But right now, as i go through this Spark stuff, she's across the country, doing what she does (smoking and hanging out with her friends, basically!) and I'm working on losing 20 pounds... I'm SOO afraid i'm going to go back home sometime after i reach my goal and that she'll resent me for being thin. Even worse, i see ourselves in 20 years, with the effects of her smoking and inactive, junky lifestyle; and it really scares me to think how different we could look. i also predict everyone coming up to me and saying how good i look, which is at the same time saying how bad my twin looks. It really hurts me to think that way, but there isn't anything i can do to change my twins personality (and make her care about her weight/other looks) and that makes -me- feel bad about my own wanting to look good... gah.

So while i want to be thin, i have this battle with not wanting to be "the thin twin"... anyone else in this sort of situation???

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."


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1/30/08 11:51 P

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I understand the fear of that unasked question!!!

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1/30/08 11:50 P

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Wow Cindy! . I feel like I know this story so well! Except our family was mercifully supportive of me when I really struggled with my weight, watching my twin in high school, weighing 40 lbs less than me and getting the boys, the grades, and the scholarships. I wrote A LOT of poetry and slept a lot. Oh, and ate, of course. Ironically, when we got into college we had a major reversal- I lost a lot of weight and she, under the stress of a wedding, gained.

We are both so happy to now be in the same weight range and wear the same clothing size!!! I can shop with my sister again, which may be one of the greatest rewards of all this weight loss mumbo jumbo.

I'm assuming you guys were fraternal twins? I'm so glad you were able to realize you are different! That was the hardest part for me, accepting my own "failings" in the light of my sister's accomplishments.

One of the things I try to remember now is that her success is also my success, and mine is hers. We have to share our successes and not try to outshine each other. I try to remember that there is room in the sky for two shining stars!

Welcome to the group!!! We know where you are coming from!
Heh, at least you got to be the nice one. Sandy was the pretty AND the nice one for a while there, it sucked much.

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CREOLEGAL's Photo CREOLEGAL Posts: 23
1/29/08 5:46 P

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I'm new to this team! I can't believe there is a team for twins. Most of all I can't believe we are talking about the fat twin/skinny twin drama. I have an identical twin but for some reason our weight has never been identical. She seems to always be 50 pounds lighter than I am. We both have issues with weight, and we both lost about 80 pounds. The problem is I gained all of my weight back and she gained about 20 of hers back.
Our lifestyles are different, but even when we lived together she was always smaller. I hate when people ask if we are identical twin because I know they are thinking "why are you fat and she's not?"
Thankfully my family has never harped on this issue. emoticon

MOMMY2BRAYDEN's Photo MOMMY2BRAYDEN Posts: 4
1/29/08 10:50 A

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Wow what a touchy subject for me. I have always been the heavy twin. My dad called her skinny Minnie and I was heavy heifer. ( Yea this is only one of the many reasons I have only seen him a handful of time since I was 10) I can remember in high school a boy that I liked telling me, "If you had your attitude with your sisters looks you would be perfect!". Umm thanks! I seems like all the guys liked her but settled for me when they couldn't have her. Even my husband dated my sister first before she dumped him. I was labeled the nice one, she was the Bi**hy one. I was also always the smart one but now she is going to college to be a nurse and the stuff she knows just amazes me! Our 30th birthday is coming up in May and my biggest motivator right now is not to be out shinned in all of our birthday pictures. I will never be as skinny as she is. We are built different. She is about a 1/2 a foot shorter and smalled boned. She as has blond hair and blue eyes, where I have dark brown hair and brown eyes. One of my biggest pet peeves is that just because we are twins people think we should look just alike.

It is great to find a group of people who know where I am coming.

Cindy C.

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10/14/07 11:31 P

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Good for you! Thats the key for twins, I think; we have to individuate enough to do whats healthy and good for ourselves, regardless of what the other person does. This is difficult but important, and really, not such a different lesson than you might learn in any relationship.

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MS.KIMESC's Photo MS.KIMESC Posts: 17
10/14/07 11:03 P

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I decided I may never be thinner then my twin but I need to become healthy for my family and more importantly myself.


Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is Heavenly.


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10/12/07 8:35 P

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so what prompted your breakout from that stigma?

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MS.KIMESC's Photo MS.KIMESC Posts: 17
10/11/07 5:21 A

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I remember starting to diet in 6 grade wanting more then anything to be the skinny twin. I never felt angry at twin about her being thin just figured I just didn't work hard enough. After awhile I just accepted that I was meant to be fat.
Kim


Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is Heavenly.


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MS.KITTYESC's Photo MS.KITTYESC Posts: 2
10/11/07 3:19 A

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It's funny because I just sent a reply to sandahuches that I remember growing up how you were refered to as the fat one. I never felt you were that heavy.I remember wearing different clothes all the time because thought they looked better on you.So didn't want to be compared. I always felt you looked great and everyone seemed to like you better.

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10/10/07 9:07 P

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Ouch, Kim, those are painful words to have ringing in your ears. did you and your twin ever talk about the way things were?

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10/10/07 3:44 P

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wow, was it hard to be stigmatized like that! I would imagine it would be. I found that being a twin increased my guilt over being heavy, because it was like looking "who I should be" in the face everyday. How has your sister's skinnyness affected your weight journey?

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MS.KIMESC's Photo MS.KIMESC Posts: 17
10/10/07 1:04 A

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As long as I can remember people would say Kim is the fat one that how you can tell them apart. After a while I just felt there was no way I could ever weight less them my twin. I remember rejoicing when my twin was pregnant because for once I weighed less then her.


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but His Retirement plan is Heavenly.


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9/7/07 2:22 A

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By the way, look at how much weight you've lost just in the last yr! Its time to update the Birthday pic!!!

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9/7/07 2:21 A

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How funny, that you thought I didn't need anyone- I was so desperately lonely!!! I wish I'd been old enough to bridge the emotional gap between us earlier, but I'm glad that now we can be so much more open with each other about our hopes, and goals, without seeing one another as a threat. I love you and I'm so glad we are sparking together!!! I think Ill be ready to go jogging with you soon!

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8/30/07 12:05 A

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I'm sure I didn't make it easy to be around me during high school. I wanted you around, but at the same time, I think I was afraid that I would gain weight, too. And you dissaproved of so much in my life that I think I was happy to have one thing that I felt like I was better at than you. I was the people-pleaser, and you were the one who didn't need people. You seemed stronger, while I was running around, trying to be "good enough" for everyone.

when I gained weight in college and you lost weight, it was like I had lost the one advantage I had.

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8/29/07 1:10 A

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Wow, this is sort of uncomfortable since, like, IM your twin. But it definately made it hard for me when I got so heavy in HS, because I could never just accept it long enough to think about it reasonably. I just got hysterical instead because there you were, so much cuter and healthier than me- it was like a bind on my ability to help myself. Thats one of the reasons why I pushed away from you so much at that time- I was trying so hard to find a way out of the traps I'd created for myself that I couldn't see how to do that with you around.

Did you notice that today we weigh the same thing? Its pretty awesome!

Edited by: MARIPOSAGALAXIA at: 8/29/2007 (18:14)
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8/7/07 12:21 P

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Share here how you percieve your weight in relation to your twin.

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