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FREIDAFAGRE's Photo FREIDAFAGRE SparkPoints: (46,546)
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5/26/10 3:18 P

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Kelly Ann,
My medications have totally destroyed my sex drive but my husband never has any reason to complain. Now that we are in our 60's it doesn't seem to matter much anyway. A cheater is a cheater, disorder or no disorder.
I forgave mine, with conditions. Only you know what to do.

Edited by: FREIDAFAGRE at: 5/26/2010 (15:21)
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HOPEADAMS1983's Photo HOPEADAMS1983 Posts: 7
5/26/10 9:17 A

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I have just been recently diagnosed so for years I went without any meds and had no idea what was going on and experienced the hypersexuality component but I have never ever cheated on anyone, yes you want it more but that doesn't mean when your in a committed relationship you have to look outside your relationship. Honestly and some people might not like that I say it, but I think some people use that as an excuse to cheat, I also have a best friend who is bipolar and has been married for 10 years never cheated and when she is feeling that way her husband just gets happier because she looks to him. I wouldn't put up with this or let him say he can't help him self, it may be true that he has a higher sex drive but that does not excuse him looking to other woman. I hope I didn't offend anyone :)

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KERRYANN67's Photo KERRYANN67 Posts: 2,392
4/8/10 2:19 P

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Thank you so much sweetheart.

Remember that the little things we do each day matter.



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CD4389881 Posts: 238
4/8/10 2:04 P

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Its okay to be scared. But you are a strong iron lady. I know you can handle it. The best medicine is love. Just give him a lot of love and comfort and acceptance. I'm sure he feels really bad about what happend already, and if not yet, it will soon dawn on him. I have often only realized what I have done (money i've spent, relationships ended ect) after I started to swing to the other side of my emotions. And then I feel ashamed and scared and bad for the people that it affects.

Patience is important in our world. You might already know this. Most meds only start to really kick in after 6 weeks and only reach optimum performance after a couple of months. So dont get too worried if at first you dont see a big difference.

Good luck. Once again, we're always here. I know you can get through this. And I will be praying for you guys.

KERRYANN67's Photo KERRYANN67 Posts: 2,392
4/8/10 1:55 P

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My husband is being released today and I'm scared. He still seems irritable, but he does have medications that he didn't have before. This is very good.

Remember that the little things we do each day matter.



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FREIDAFAGRE's Photo FREIDAFAGRE SparkPoints: (46,546)
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4/6/10 5:50 P

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I have hallucinated but it's not always a symptom. Only a doctor would know. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: FREIDAFAGRE at: 4/6/2010 (17:50)
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KERRYANN67's Photo KERRYANN67 Posts: 2,392
4/6/10 5:28 P

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The more input I get from you all, the more it helps me. Please continue to add your thoughts. I need all the help I can get. My husband had to be taken by the police this weekend and it killed me to see him suffer the way he did. He was literally out of his mind. If I didn't know better, I would think schitzo-affective disorder, but he doesn't really hallucinate. Anyway...

It's a hard, painful, sometimes tragic road for you who have the disease and the people who love you.

Remember that the little things we do each day matter.



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CD4389881 Posts: 238
4/6/10 1:01 P

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I am a rapid cycler. I swing through my moods in anything from hours to weeks. And it's true, you never know what tomorrow brings.

I would say in general, although it is never a "get out of jail free card", always remember that whatever the bipolar person says or does when in one of the swings is never to hurt you. This disorder as such a major impact on our lives and it even gets to what we treasure most, our relationships.

Giving him the most stable environment will definitely help. Every bp differs from another. But from my experience I can tell you that I have triggers. My environment is a major trigger. If people and things around me become unstable I trigger.

Comfort, understanding, acceptance and love is the most important things we need from a partner.

Also, I know that this whole thing scares the crap out of you. I've been through it with many family members and friends. It's a shock at first. And it's okay to be uncertain and scared. But dont let it get to you. This is not the end of the world. With some help and meds it is very very possible to be a bipolar survivor.

If possible, it will be extremely beneficiary to get him into psychotherapy with a psychologist. People who get both the skills in therapy and meds tend to learn how to cope with it better. It might be good for you to also attend a session with the psychologist. He/she will be able to answer all your questions and give you some handy info.

And you can always talk to us. you can sparkmail me and add me if you want. I am a bipolar survivor-in-training.

FREIDAFAGRE's Photo FREIDAFAGRE SparkPoints: (46,546)
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4/5/10 10:50 P

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I am bipolar but also never manic and never hyper sexual but thank you for insight into the other side. I have been medicated since 1990. At that point I was 9 month depressed and 1 manic. I was hyperverbose, extremely short tempered. My first manic was when I was 27 although I didn't know it at the time. I have within the past 10 years been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. My grandfather was schizophrenic and so was my almost 26 year old son (we had no warning) when he committed suicide. Depression, I hid from the world as much as possible while still raising children.
My husband is still here after 41 years. Since I went on Pristiq 72 days ago, I have become normal.
At least for now. The trouble with us is we never know what tomorrow will bring. emoticon

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CD4276221 Posts: 84
4/5/10 10:58 A

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I've been bipolar survivor since I was 29 but I've had the disorder since I was 17. I'm 42 now. I call myself a survivor because you can be one of two things with this disorder: a victim or a survivor. I chose to be a survivor. One of the hardest things to get through is the hyper-sexuality. For the one with the disorder it can be frustrating sometimes because you feel at times like you are just a pervert for having this overwhelming need for sexual gratification that seems all consuming. For your partner it's frustrating because it's like they just aren't enough or aren't satisfying when that really isn't the case at all. Patience and communication is truly the key if you want to stay with the bipolar person because you love that person. Please don't take it personally. Those of you who perceive that person as "cheating" just to cheat. You are dead wrong. The bipolar person in the midst of a mania and hyper-sexual phase isn't trying to hurt you. They honestly can't help these feelings sometimes. Yes they can control their action if medicated. But as any of us know bipolars are NOT always medication compliant and in the midst of a mania are not always the saniest of people.

If you want to do yourself a favor in deciding if you want to continue with your loved one who is bipolar...read An Unquiet Mind by Dr. Kay Renfield Jamison. She is the Foremost authority on Bipolar Disorder in the country and that book alone will help you to understand what it's like to not only be bipolar but LIVE with the disease.

It is not an easy road but it is manageable. You have to decide what you will tolerate first and foremost. You have to make clear and consistant ground rules.You have to be patient. You have to communicate. You have to love each other enough to sort out the disorder from the person because I promise you they are two different things and many times you can't tell the difference when they are very parallel or mirroring each other.

It won't be easy but if you love the person... who promised you easy anyway?

FREIDAFAGRE's Photo FREIDAFAGRE SparkPoints: (46,546)
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3/31/10 5:24 P

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Martina,
Yes if it continue, you have to move on and care for yourself.
I have heard mania making a person promiscuous. But there are medicines that control mania. Going on this long without seeking help medically makes me think it may be an excuse to act the way he wanted. I would have a talk about this with his doctor.
I forgave my husband. I am the bipolar not him. But the cheating had to stop.
I had three small children at the time and was dealing with the illness (depression) and didn't think I could make it on my own.
Being a nice guy is not necessarily a threat to your marriage as long as it doesn't include improper
behavior.
Plain and simple: if he doesn't change get rid of him and keep everything he owns.
I belong to NAMI--National Association for Mental Illness. It costs $35 a year but they have free classes before your local meeting on how to deal with family problems.

Edited by: FREIDAFAGRE at: 4/5/2010 (20:53)
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SHELLYUT's Photo SHELLYUT Posts: 987
3/31/10 5:20 P

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Kerry, I am so sorry you are going through this. The sexual promiscuity that comes with some manic episodes has really put a wedge between my daughter and I. She is 15 and was just picked up in a motel by the police. She was with two 30'ish year old men. She lied to them about her age and was a willing participant in a threesome. I have such a hard time not looking at her with disgust and thinking terrible things about her. I just keep telling myself that this too we will get through and hope that meds and counseling kicks in before she ends up dead. Even though details are different I can't even imagine going through this with a spouse. I don't have any "aha" advice for you except that I think there is only so much you can help and support them if they are not willing to help themselves. You are in my prayers. Remember that you are not alone I'd be glad to chat with you anytime. You may have heard of it already but there is a website called NAMI.org that has classes and support groups available for families of bipolar and depressed.

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KERRYANN67's Photo KERRYANN67 Posts: 2,392
3/31/10 2:48 P

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Hello all,
After two years of being together, my husband had his first manic episode that I witnessed. This is certainly not his first ever as he is 46 and was diagnosed in his 20's.

It turns out that my wonderful, faithful, admirable husband has been sneaking out of the house when he can't sleep and meeting up with an ex-girlfriend who is now a friend at work, plus another girl who has a crush on him. He has been having lunch with her or both girls daily, even though he's been promising me that he has not spent time with this girl. This has been going on for over a year... since before we got married!

He broke down and confessed all, otherwise I would have never known. He says the stress of lying to me caused him to crash, and he got so depressed that we took him to the hospital. Now he's in the hospital and he's so manic he has no desire to talk about it at all and says he just needs to focus on himself. I know he's right, but even in the hospital he keeps bonding with all the female patients. He even loaned his favorite shirt to a girl last night. I mean, he only has two shirts in there! And why does it always have to be MY husband who is rescuing these girls?

I'm on the outside and feel like a bomb was suddenly dropped on my safe little newlywed world, and all along there's been another woman right there in his life. And to top it off, as soon as I find out about it, he's gone off to the hospital and I have no one to lean on. He has been my best friend and this shocks and terrifies me. I really don't know how to go on and function normally. I feel so alone.

I'm reading everything I can on the illness and trying to just offer my love when I talk to him. Nothing serious or heavy, just asking him what he had for breakfast and how he feels, stuff like that. Offering support for when he comes home. But I feel so lost and alone.

If my husband keeps having inappropriate "friendships" and lying to me, should I leave him?

Someone please help me.

Remember that the little things we do each day matter.



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