Group photo
Author:
SINGLECHIN SparkPoints: (7,245)
Fitness Minutes: (4,821)
Posts: 10
11/25/12 1:43 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Such an inspiring story. I hope that you are still doing well. I learned so much from your situation and I will definitely share this with friends and family who are also struggling. Hugs!

CURVYELVIESAYS's Photo CURVYELVIESAYS Posts: 1,117
10/11/12 1:42 A

Send Private Message
Reply
TG you are amazing. I think whatever you choose to do that you will be successful.


Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

It's never too late to become what you might have been -George Elliot

Baby Steps..."Bob" from "What About Bob".


 current weight: 231.9 
232
222.75
213.5
204.25
195
MAMAKNITSSOCKS's Photo MAMAKNITSSOCKS Posts: 394
10/11/12 1:27 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Way to go, TG! Great work!

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
~Albert Ellis


 Pounds lost: 4.5 
0
26.5
53
79.5
106
BECCABOO127's Photo BECCABOO127 Posts: 18,209
10/3/12 11:27 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Trigirl, I wore myself out by rechecking my work 3 to 4 times. I thought I was OCD for a while there, but now that I am not at that job, I only check things 2 times. I don't wear myself out anymore.



If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." Thomas Edison


 current weight: 228.0 
345
315
285
255
225
BECCABOO127's Photo BECCABOO127 Posts: 18,209
10/3/12 11:23 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
WTG Trigirl! You stood strong.



If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." Thomas Edison


 current weight: 228.0 
345
315
285
255
225
ASPENHUGGER's Photo ASPENHUGGER Posts: 6,282
8/29/12 5:40 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Well done indeed!

Kate, in Citrus Heights California

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tse

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.
~ John Foster Dulles

To ignore the facts does not change the facts
~ Andy Rooney

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made. ~ Wayne Dyer



 Pounds lost: 3.6 
0
30
60
90
120
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/29/12 1:02 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You really stood up for yourself! That took a lot of courage! Nice job!

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/29/12 11:49 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Here's an update on my situation.

I went in to have a meeting with the president of the company and laid out my complaint.
He was livid. He told me that there was no valid argument, the company wasn't at fault, they followed due process, blah blah blah. I stood firm, and asked him to look into it. Of course HR was right there, so he had to. BTW, we all know HR protects the COMPANY, and not you. Ever.

So, a week went by. I called to follow up and he agreed to call me. He was much softer in tone this time, but remained firm that the company was not culpable, I had no case...sorry.

I stated that I had been to the EOC, had sought legal counsel, and absolutely had a case. I told him I knew the process and wasn't daunted by his dismissal and would pursue it to the n'th regardless, and that if he wanted to save himeself some trouble, he would consider another alternative. He was agreeable.

So, the good news, is that I won myself a significant severance where there was none before.

The takehome lessons from this are:
1. Telling your boss you have ADHD is enough. Having something in writing to give them is better, but telling them verbally puts the company on notice. It is THEIR responsibility to follow up with YOU. Asking for timely and reasonable feedback is considered "reasonable accomodation".
2. If you are ever in this situation, EXPECT that the company will deny all culpability, even if they are cought red handed. They will do everything to intimidate you out of pursuing your claim. They will tell you they looked into things and there were no problems, but THEY don't decide this really. The law does, so don't be daunted and hold your ground.
3. Most of the cases don't go to court, but the process can be long and dragged out for the employer. That's what they want to avoid...an expensive and time-consuming investigation. Severance may look really nice vs. 2 years of you being in their grill.
4. The ADA had an ammendment added recently that provides even broader coverage for our kind. This was an important tool I used in negotiating.

Hope this may help someone who finds themselves in the same situation.
Now, on with the rest of my life!
TG

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/22/12 7:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
It is so hard to have things that show up on so many levels, job performance, self esteem, relationships ... It's the problem that keeps on giving. So difficult.

Keep posting. People here can understand and we care.

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/22/12 6:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks. You are right about that analogy.
When I look back on my long history of employment failures, every single one of them that was a horrible experience was in a corporate setting with Type A people.
I'd fail, feel horrible...muster and try again...then fail...and each time my husband is saying "don't worry! It's all those idiots you work for! What do they know about management? What do they know about valuing a good employee?"

So, I would think, okay-maybe it's not me. Maybe people are just mean and impatient and too fixed on the little things that don't matter. Corporate is heartless, anyway.

But, again I'd go back, and again I'd find myself at that place where someone is saying "it's just your judgement" or "you seem to be in outer space" or "you seem to need to be told 6-7 times"...and then I feel this incredible anger welling up in me at having to hear this one more time. And now, I'm wondering...how am I missing these things? How do I let these things happen. How do I get to this place again and again.

In this last job, I had no idea this was coming. I thought I had finally found the perfect place with the perfect boss (my boss was also ADD-she forgot to show up for meetings with me 5 times in a row!). I felt safe and valued. Then, this last month I made a cluster of little, but damning mistakes for Type A's...the other people around my boss and I. A spelling error on a flier (caught in time). I made a mistake with a vendor and they showed up on the wrong date. I checklist of a zillion things I had completed showed up JUST AS the person complained about it to a partner in the company. Even though they went back and said "oops! There it was, sorry!" it was horrible timing and the bad impression stuck. And, of course, a handfull of other things like that.

My complaint against the company is not that I was perfect, but that they just fired me with no discussion or opportunity to address anything. And, they knew I had ADD, so legally there should have been some discussion around performance if it was getting to that point.

And then there's my poor husband. This time is different. He's worn out from this kind of thing with me. He's depressed too-I get these high-dollar jobs and he gets all excited about the idea of actually maybe enjoying our life a little, and BOOM. We're back again at square one. He resents it. Then I resent him for resenting me. He sulks and doesn't talk to me, and I feel like I have to pick us both up.

Thanks for listening. This is just really difficult and it is good to have this place to come to with people who understand.


"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/22/12 3:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Kate, you're a gem!

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
ASPENHUGGER's Photo ASPENHUGGER Posts: 6,282
8/22/12 3:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
When I hike with a group, I notice that I am slower than most folks -- probably because of my weight. So the skinny little folks dance up the trail without breathing hard, and get to enjoy the whole break time. Meanwhile, I come lumbering up the trail at the end of the line, breathing like a wounded hippopotamus, and I only get 2 minutes of the break -- and I need the recharge time way more than those spry little people!

I've found that having ADD is the same scenario. Things go wrong way more often for me than they do for normies. So normies have more time and energy to deal with the crises that do come their way -- if any. Every day is filled with crises for me: financial, emotional, mechanical, etc. I do the best I can to deal with them, but I've learned that I'm not going to have a life that runs smoothly, despite my best intentions & no matter how much I long for one.

This isn't much of a comfort, but I'm less hysterical about it than I was when I just didn't understand. and in case you didn't know this already, depression is a very common comorbidity of ADD, so perhaps you've got that working against you as well. I can't recommend getting a coach strongly enough -- we are completely bewildered by our strange brain wiring and the results that produces. Coaches are trained to help you sort it all out & find out what works best for you. Tempting as I know it is to give up -- don't!

And remember you can come here & vent any time -- we all really understand where you're at!
emoticon

Kate, in Citrus Heights California

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tse

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.
~ John Foster Dulles

To ignore the facts does not change the facts
~ Andy Rooney

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made. ~ Wayne Dyer



 Pounds lost: 3.6 
0
30
60
90
120
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/22/12 2:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thanks. I am looking into it.

I'm just trying to take things one hour at a time.
Now that the dust is settling, I'm starting to feel really emotionally drained and bad about
the whole thing.
I've just had so many jobs, and not done well in most of them, despite higher education and tons of effort. How much can one person take.

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
ASPENHUGGER's Photo ASPENHUGGER Posts: 6,282
8/22/12 12:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I think that fee schedule is a bit on the high side. I live in a big city in California, & my coach only charges $125/hour. Although I do know that some coaches in San Francisco charge $250/hour. emoticon

Imho, trying to pay this coach's fee when you are financially struggling only adds to your stress load. I would do some research -- start with the CHADD site -- and try to find a coach nearer your financial capabilities who also is a good fit for you and your particular AD/HD issues (we're all different & unique, you know!). You can also google AD/HD life coaches and see what you come up with. There's a whole world of information out there on this subject -- I hope you can find something better suited to your needs!

Kate, in Citrus Heights California

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tse

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.
~ John Foster Dulles

To ignore the facts does not change the facts
~ Andy Rooney

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made. ~ Wayne Dyer



 Pounds lost: 3.6 
0
30
60
90
120
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/22/12 8:42 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
This is a coach I got from a website that is based out of Toronto.
I'm honestly a little sick over it. I feel like I really need it, but...
I mean, I'm unemployed, and I signed up for coaching that is $100 for a half hour each week?
A tad impulsive, and probably not the best move. I can't afford that right now!

I'm feeling like I may need to cancel and find a new coach that is less expensive. Can anyone recommend a website or a person that maybe coaches over the phone vs. in person?

Uggggh.

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/21/12 10:46 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
My coach is excellent and she charges $70 per hour. I think yours sounds pretty high. It might depend on where you live.

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/21/12 9:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Here's an update:

I consulted an on-line lawyer to see if I had a valid complaint. I had disclosed ADHD to my direct manager back in December, and documented the conversation. Also, when I was fired, and asked them to look into the possibility that this was an ADA violation, they responded with "remember we are a reference for you...if you want a good one, then I wouldn't do that".
Turns out that is an ethics violation on top of an ADA violation to do so.

As I'm learning, there was a recent ammendment act to the ADA in 2011 that allows for much broader protection for cases of ADHD. However, the flipside of that the EEOC is a DMV like process, and is apparently underfunded and understaffed. Threatening an EEOC complaint maybe like throwing cotton balls at a brick wall when dealing with major corporations. Especially ones with their own in-house legal counsel that are paid anyway. I'm not sure that my company has it's own in-house legal people, as they are relatively small... less than 500 employees.

So, I scheduled a meeting with the company president. He dismissed and shot down every point I made. "You disclosed this to your boss? Was it just the two of you? Heresay. I don't have anything on file that says that you requested anything...it was a casual environment where you told her and not professional so it doesn't count"...blah blah blah. It's a game of bluffing and calling bluffs. He did exactly as I would expect-deny any culpability, and then after we play this game a while, perhaps he'll offer or not offer something to get me off of his back. I followed up with a letter stating that while I appreciated the fact that he felt the way he did, I STILL stand firm and will procede with an EOC complaint.

Regardless, I am sticking up for myself. I held my ground and I walked out of there feeling like no matter what happens, I can still feel good about not going out without a fight. This really has been so demoralizing...to continuously be a "bad fit" in jobs that are so opposite of what my gifts and talents are.

I'm resolving to not waste any more time in my life with these jobs and these people. I want a new direction and to live with joy. I hired an ADHD coach today, but it's expensive and I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. It's $99 for a half hour...it was $150 for an hour, and I'm planning on once a week for a month to see how it goes.

Anyone else have any experience with this, or know if this seems like the average price for this kind of thing? I hope it's going to be a good experience.
I really need a good experience right now.


"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
ALLIEINSHAPE's Photo ALLIEINSHAPE Posts: 1,725
8/14/12 8:00 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Good luck to you TG. You are doing the right thing asking for compensation and not letting your employer walk all over you. I retired as early as I could as work become increasingly hard to cope with. I did not know about adult ADD, have never been diagnosed, so never understood why I seemed to struggle more than other employees with both work and interactions with other people. Had my AhHa moment after joining this group and finding that there were others like me. Keep strong and get all the backup info and support you can to help with your case. Best wishes!

--Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul--

--The journey of discovery begins not with new vistas but with having new eyes with which to behold them--

--Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful -Wm. Morris--

keep it simple- eat REAL FOOD, whole fresh and organic!


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
15
30
45
60
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/14/12 9:50 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So I'm learning as I go. Just because laws are in place doesn't necessarily mean that they will really help you much, so we'll have to see how far this takes me.

I figured I would post as I go, because someone on this team may find themselves in this position someday, and maybe my posts will help guide them through their own process.

My first step was filing for unemployment. You can do a lot of things on-line now, so that wasn't too difficult. The former employer pays your unemployment. Depending on your state, they typical scenario is that if you left for any reason other than voluntary resignation, then the Department of Labor sets up an investigation. This is usually done over a phone call, and has a party line of you, your former employer (HR, usually), and the DOL guy. The burden of proof is on the employer to demonstrate that they had just cause to dismiss you. The good news is that the DOL most often sides with the employee, and doesn't like to hear things like "expectations were not clear" or "my employer canned me without notice despite my due diligence with informing him I had a disability". I fully expect to get unemployment with no contest.

The next step today is going to my doctor, to get an updated statement that I am still being treated for ADHD and have been for years. I will need this for my file.

The next step after is to call the EEOC, and have a questionnaire packet mailed to me. This would initiate an official investigation into my case.

With these things in hand, I'll attempt to set up a meeting with my employer to discuss the termination. If he refuses a meeting, or dismisses me in any way, I will circle back to the EEOC and actually file the claim. I'm going to give them a little time to consider their actions before proceding.

I am thinking now about what I'll ask for.
I don't know if I want this job back, and think it's highly unlikely that it would be offered anyway.
I am learning how much severance I might want to ask for, or compensation to negotiate.
This is tricky. An important thing to know is that WHATEVER THEY OFFER IS PRE-TAX!!!
40% is withheld, so if you think you're getting $6000, it's really more like $4000. You need to ask for what you want to walk away with in CASH.

I definitely want to ensure that they will not be a negative reference for me.

I'll keep you all posted.
Thanks,
TG

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
ASPENHUGGER's Photo ASPENHUGGER Posts: 6,282
8/13/12 11:06 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
That's an awful story, TG. And I'm sure that many of us are all too familiar with it. I've also been fired for what I now know are the manifestations of my ADD. I hope you're successful with your legal action against these folks -- I don't think they have a leg to stand on since you asked for assistance and they didn't provide it.

Good luck, & keep us informed!

Kate, in Citrus Heights California

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tse

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.
~ John Foster Dulles

To ignore the facts does not change the facts
~ Andy Rooney

Our lives are a sum total of the choices we have made. ~ Wayne Dyer



 Pounds lost: 3.6 
0
30
60
90
120
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/13/12 9:02 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I have had troubles at work for years. In my 22 year long career as an engineer, I used to get myself into trouble for things I would say to people. I never advanced the way I probably would have if I handled things differently. (Of course another reason is that I worked part time taking care of my kids.)

In my second career as a teacher and tutor, I have always had issues again, rubbing people the wrong way. It was much worse in my teaching at the college than in tutoring. Usually I do very well in my own tutoring business, and I surround myself with people who are a good match. I retired from the college after 11 years.

Stay positive. You can find what is right for you.

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/13/12 7:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you for your kind words.
This has been emotionally very difficult of course. I have always worked hard, despite struggling with ADHD symptoms, and it never feels good to get cut up into little pieces verbally.
Being told you're not company material or good enough or "we don't want you representing us" type- of- statements is horrible. When I assess this situation, I don't have financial fears, thank goodness, but it's really the blow to the ego that is most painful.

I think it may be time to go into business for myself somehow. I'm just not sure I have what it takes to work in a corporate setting anymore. I'm getting too old for this crap...to go through some personal trial like this every 2-3 years is getting too be too much to bear. I've only been let go once before, but was able to fight it and get a settlement. I completely saw it coming.
This time, it was an absolute, complete, unexpected shock.

No verbal. No written. No clue.

I'm considering an ADHD coach. I don't know how to find a good one, and I've never worked with one before, but I feel like I could use some positive reinforcement and a sense of direction. I need to move forward, but feel exhausted...just exhausted.

TG
TG

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 8,088
8/13/12 6:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I am sorry they did that to you! Good luck getting them to compensate you for this! They should!!!

In the meantime, don't let this discourage you in general. Maybe you will find a better match for you in a different job.

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


 current weight: 193.0 
225
211.25
197.5
183.75
170
LINDA!'s Photo LINDA! Posts: 135,076
8/13/12 2:57 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I am so sorry that you were fired. It sounds as though you have a very good case. I wish you all the best as you pursue this matter.

This is one of the reasons, I retired early. I find my lack of attention and focus has swiftly gone downhill. I can empathize with your situation. emoticon

Linda - EST.
Flylady:Peace is Mine Team Leader

PTSD Team Leader

IBS Team Leader

Emotional Eaters Co-Leader

Spark People's Official Healthy Heart Challenge Team - Leader

BLC23 Ivory Falcons
BLC 24 & 25
Fabulous Feisty Foxes
Co-Captain & Leader
BLC 26 & BLC 27
Spicy Sparkologists/Violet Virtuosos
Co-Capt
BLC28, BLC29, BLC30, BLC 32 & BLC33
CAMO,BLC 34,BLC35,BLC 36,BLC37, BLC38, BLC39, BLC 40



 Pounds lost: 21.0 
0
7
14
21
28
SWEETMERI's Photo SWEETMERI Posts: 258
8/13/12 1:20 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Oh man! I am so sorry that you are going through that! I just wanted you to know I support you and send lots of hugs and strength to deal with this! Hoping all gets resolved quickly and in a way that benefits you! Please keep us posted if you can!

HUGS
Merideth

You can if you will.

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." ~John Bingham, runner, speaker, writer

"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can". ~unknown

"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase" ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


 current weight: 212.0 
212
189
166
143
120
TRIGIRL7570's Photo TRIGIRL7570 Posts: 467
8/13/12 10:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Well, here's a fun thing.

I just got fired on Friday for an "overall lack of confidence in my ability to do the job".
It was explained to me that it was felt I didn't follow through on attention to detail, made errors in judgement, etc. although few examples were cited and there were NO egregious errors.

I protected myself by disclosing early that I had ADHD. I can medically prove treatment, and can show due diligence with asking for accomodation that was not received. I was fired summarily without ANY prior verbal or written warning or PIP.

Let the games begin.
I'll keep you all posted.


"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing something, but in doing it"
-Greg Anderson


3,202 Days since:  Sugar and HFCS
0
812
1625
2437
3250
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Adults with ADD/ADHD Introduce Yourself to Team Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:



Thread URL: https://sparkpittsburgh.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=-1x2774x49437743

Review our Community Guidelines