Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
August is here and soon we all won't be but will do best to... Read more
The chicken and the egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smiling and smoking a cigarette, but the egg is upset. She mutters to herself, "Well, I guess we answered that question."
A man goes into a restaurant. A beautiful waitress comes o... Read more
Did you hear about the thieves who stole an entire shipment of Viagra?
Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
What is the similarity between Viagra and Disney World?
You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride.
W... Read more
A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No," was the reply. So he reaches down to pet the dog, and the dog bites him. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said. "... Read more
A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give m... Read more
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sits it down. A monkey swings across the bar and p1sses in the pint. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman indicates the piano player. The man walks over to the pian... Read more
A man walked into a bar carrying an ape in his arms. "I just bought this fella as a pet," he explained. "We have no children, so he's going to live with us, just like one of the family. He'll eat at our table, even sleep in the bed with me an... Read more
A salesman walks into the bar and asks, "You know where Bubba lives?"
"Sure," says the bartender, and he gives him directions. "But you gotta be careful. Don't honk your horn when you pull up in front of Bubba's house."
"Why not?" asks the... Read more
A drunk guy walks into a bar and looks up to see a lady with a French poodle. The drunk slurs, "Where did you get that pig?"
The lady, with a look of surprise, snaps back, "I'll have you know that it is a Frrrench poodle."
The drunk looks a... Read more
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of paper. His spurs are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arres... Read more
A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender gives him a drink.
He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts."
He downs that one and says, "Give me another drink b... Read more
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says, "Beer please, and one for the road."
A man walked into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asked him, "What's the matter?" The man said, "My wife and I had a fight, an... Read more
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "but what made you decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy... Read more
A man was praying to God. He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
"Hmm," ... Read more
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Do you think that Moses led the Israelites through the desert for forty years because God was testing him, or because he wanted them to really appreciate the promised land when they finally got there, or because Moses refused to ask anybody for ... Read more