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Will the end please come
Tuesday, January 15, 2013      8 comments

I'm just going to put the words out there. My father has no quaility of life left. He has been pulling out his nasal feeding tube and trach. So today he went for a minor surgery to place a feeding tube directly to his stomach. He was 3.5 hou... Read more
A talk to self....
Saturday, January 05, 2013      5 comments

Dear Self, You have watched your mother put her health on the back burner for years to nurse your fathers declining health. You gritted your teeth the day they took her to the hospital with her upper BP being 205....thinking she was about ... Read more
The rock is starting to roll down the hill
Tuesday, January 01, 2013      3 comments

I'd heard that my father successfully ate breakfast this morning. Again, I had a ray of hope. Maybe some post surgery healing, some day for him to learn to talk with a speech therapist, a few month just to settle. My mother and I ran to ... Read more
Smoking is so not cool
Monday, December 31, 2012      4 comments

It has burnt out our family. My first memory of my father was being held up on his shoulders and being burn by a cigarette in his hands. That wasn't the last time that that happened. It created in me a life time fear of being burnt to dea... Read more
Throat Cancer
Friday, December 28, 2012      7 comments

Today found out that my father has it. Yet another legacy to smoking. To think I will never hear his voice again. Today he communicated using a board to point out words, but just another part of my dad I've lost. Some people grief for a ... Read more
My Smart Cole (video blog)
Saturday, December 22, 2012      8 comments

So my little man is growing up to be a smart whip. Not only is he learn tricks, but at school today (every morning for 1/2 hr) he started being able to link together multiple tricks without a reward after each. He also was my best buddy, comfo... Read more
When did I allow myself to become a victim?
Thursday, December 20, 2012      2 comments

I've had some pretty unique challenges in my life. One of the bottomlines in my philosophy is to speak truth and to always hang in for the long term goals rather than the short term. This has carried my through a violent attack, living on less... Read more
To: Santa Claus
Thursday, December 20, 2012      1 comments

Dear Santa, I hope you understand that I directed you to read my letter to you on Sparkpeople. I know we've both tried our hardest this last year to reign in the weigh. Frankly you do better with the reindeer and I've had better years for... Read more
LILALI: Chap 13.9 - Gift of a Cape Buffalo
Friday, November 30, 2012      3 comments

Living in love and loving it - got a walk with the puppy dog. This last year so many people have helped me. I want to thank people and I would love to give Christmas gifts. Yet, my budget is not one that has room for gifts...not even baki... Read more
LILALI: Chap 13.7 - Finding hope even
Wednesday, November 28, 2012      5 comments

Still living in love with my ever growing puppy Cole - goal to whip it good and get myself moving more. I made it to Monday. . My Thursday and Friday were hard with my father. His needs are nearly every 15 minutes. He is no longer a s... Read more
LILALI: Chap....to Infinite and beyond....
Wednesday, November 21, 2012      3 comments

So the blog I really want to write is how after hitting things hard my whole body is just so done. I feel so depressed - more as a function of frustration with my body than with life. That for some reason the thought of being distant from my hu... Read more
LILALI: Chap 12.9 - Enough already!
Monday, November 19, 2012      3 comments

Living in love and loving it - goal to survive until next week Enough already! I really dislike this saying but it fits my week. Getting ready for the Thanksgiving celebration taxed my body too much. Everything after people arrived w... Read more
LILALI: Chap 12.4 - Sometime it is better to choose a road
Thursday, November 15, 2012      3 comments

Living in Love and loving it - goal to get my infusion So I woke up with a start this morning after a dream. My plan had been to spend the week looking for used cars that might replace my car. I'd agreed to tell the garage Friday "repair ... Read more
LILALI: Chap 12.2 - Rethinking cravings
Tuesday, November 13, 2012      2 comments

Living in love and loving it: goal - of course more exercise! Cole update: The little guy played hid and seek on me this morning and nearly gave me a heart attack! I went to the bathroom and after coming out didn't see him, so called and c... Read more
LILALI Chap 12.1 - Puppy Love Magic
Monday, November 12, 2012      2 comments

Living in Love and loving it! - goal to keep a positive outlook and to keep trying. So Cole coming into my life was a pure miracle. Now his "power" seems to be creeping into the rest of life. Or maybe I just have really amazing frien... Read more

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