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Feel like the morning after

Monday, May 10, 2021

I survived yesterday-my most dreaded day of the year. My sisters on a high with their kids all showering them with hugs, love, gifts and happy mother’s day. In front of everybody my youngest which keeps texting me how much she loves me and I am her best friend ask what did you get? I held the tears but I think my look said it all and awkward silence. My niece that bashed me on Facebook does the kissing up to my other sister as if their best friends. The good thing it’s over until Father’s Day and another month to prepare mentally for the constant reminder of the terrible childhood they encountered because of me. I cried for hours and no sleep as I can’t remember the horror I put them thru, so I must have blocked it out. I keep thinking -Reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, others know you by your fruit, and no wonder I have no friends as I really am a terrible, mean person. No wonder my kids have anger issues, don’t acknowledge me as mom, and I am so alone and only have this!
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  • no profile photo VALERRIE
    I only have a glimpse of your circumstances from your blogs, but please know you are NOT the person you describe! I have read the struggles of a very dedicated, caring mother going to extraordinary lengths for her children.
    Loyalty, even to family, has an expiration date. Disengaging might be the best gift you ever gave yourself.
    Your sisters and offspring sound mean and manipulating from here. This may not apply to you, but:
    A therapist had to ask me only once, how long are you going to keep doing this? I was shocked at first, but then it sunk in. My siblings made life more than difficult with their crazy making, NPD behaviors.
    This may be too extreme or not able for you to do, but going "no contact" has been so liberating and life is much more stress free without their nasty shenanigans and outbursts.
    Yes, I did have to mourn the loss of a family I thought I had, but no longer have to forgive all the craziness.
    45 days ago
    You are a great person, an individual, a loving Mother, a wonderful friend. Stuff happens in life we do our best... learn from it and go on. Do not compare yourself with others. We hear your heart in your blog and you are not defined by others, we know who you are :) hugs.
    45 days ago
    Don't ever think of yourself as a terrible person (I have the honor of being the meanest mom in the world according to my daughter when she was a teenager). None of us are perfect, but we are children of an awesome God, He can take our mistakes and turn them into something beautiful! emoticon
    45 days ago
    You are not a horrible person. You are loving and take care of so many. Do NOT continue to beat yourself up over the past. Move ahead with the confidence that you are a special person, with great gifts, love and kindness. Sometimes our own family are the most hard to deal with, we move on from that.

    45 days ago
  • 1958TMC
    No, you could not have been that horrible person you think you were. Shake this off and move on to brighter horizons. You have us , your Spark family 💖
    45 days ago
    Oh no, don't you dare say that about yourself. I highly doubt that you were a mean, terrible person. Sometimes when we are strict with others when growing up, we are viewed as mean. It's a child's perspective. If, by chance, we humans have done mean things, we didn't intend to and have changed. But again, I truly know you are not a terrible person.
    45 days ago
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