Friday, April 16, 2021
I have been down the last couple of days. Yesterday, Brad sent his new picture. He had been telling us how his hair has been falling out. Well his new picture, he is bald. It was like a punch in the stomach. I know that we thought this would happen all along, especially since he has had 60+ chemo treatments. The latest has caused the baldness. I just wasn't really ready to see it. I was on the phone with an associate when he sent the text with the picture. The steroids have his face so fat and a double chin. I hate to think of what all these drugs are doing to his body. I told him I would see my hair dresser and get my head shaved, and he said, "You don't have to Dad, besides you wouldn't wear it as well as I do." I had to get off the call so I could have a cry and say a quick prayer. That is my coping mechanism. I ended going manic when I got to therapy. The rowing machine and the stair-stepper got one heck of a workout! My body feels it today. Since it was raining a lunch didn't get my walk, and not sure if I will fit it in today. I still find myself looking at that picture and I feel so sad. It looks like the loss of hair was proof that cancer is real and just keep wondering what is next and how will I handle it. I know that I am sure burning God's ear out. I am calling on Him for strength more and more each day. Well it is time I get dinner going. Tonight is my sizzling steak ceasar salad! One of our favorites. Easy to make and so good!