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Feeling battered and bruised

Thursday, February 25, 2021

I’m getting pretty tired of the ups and downs of life that I usually handle so well, if I do say so myself. emoticon
My guy is still awaiting the bureaucratic ok to get the contrast mri on his neck and brain to try to find a solution to his pain and increasing debilitation. He does not seem to be in quite as much pain as he is managing his medications better (Gabapentin) and staying busy...spends 2+ hours every morning getting our grandkids off to school clean and fed and prepared for a good day. emoticon
Btw, Lucy, who refused to go back to school for a while after daddy died, has settled in at school...not happy, but going every day. emoticon

It is still too cold for wimpy me to walk and I’m a bit nervous about walking too much with my bad foot (getting cortisone shots every few months to delay surgery until I see what happens with David’s health issue) and I am sooo bad at exercising at home. emoticon
I went to the gym once and felt safe and then went back a few days later and sadly did NOT.
All I do is ten minutes here and ten minutes there every day of stretching and some ST. emoticon

My fasting is going well...16-18-20 hours 5 or 6 days a week...have I lost any weight this month?
But I have been out to dinner several times...our restaurants are doing a great job keeping us safe. We went out for my b-day a few weeks ago and then again this week to celebrate our first vaccine. emoticon

And now more sad news in my big extended family.
My niece, 51, has died of an overdose.
Heather struggled all her life with substance abuse.
She was smart and beautiful and had a wonderful sense of humor and a loud and lovely laugh.
She had (and lost) 4 children over the years but loved them nonetheless.
They are young adults now and all devastated.
She also loved her five young grandchildren.
She tried so hard to stay alive.
We had our own little joke whenever I saw her when we kept telling each other we were beautiful...because she looked so much like me, especially when she was younger before her tough life destroyed her looks.
Here she is (long blonde hair) with her mom, daughter, and sisters.

So I just need all of this to stop, please.
I know I am lucky...safe and sound and snug in a warm home with plenty of food ( emoticon ) and with the man of my dreams but I am feeling so sad today.
Hmmm...just realized that once again I have let my afternoon meditation practice slip away...that will change today as I know that always helps. emoticon
Also, just got a huge pile of new books passed on to me by a friend so I need to give myself permission to rest and read.

Thanks for listening...just writing about it led me to my path to feeling better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DESIREE672
    You have so many challenges - too much for one person. It’s hard enough with your husband’s issues, but your foot, too.

    I’m so sorry about your niece and the sadness that started so many years ago.

    Yes, give yourself permission to rest and read.
    42 days ago
    I have been so incredibly impressed with how resilient you are and you have faced way too much over the years. Reading that even more has happened just makes me wonder why life has to be so horribly unfair to such a lovely and caring person. It makes no sense. Nobody should have to endure all this and yet somehow you do it with grace. I am so sorry for your losses and I am so sad to hear you and your husband deal with physical pain too. You deserve happiness, healing and peace. I wish you endless strength.
    42 days ago
    43 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your life with us. I'm sorry for the pain you are all going through, physical and emotional. Life can be so hard, God bless your niece and your whole family. emoticon
    43 days ago
    Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. That is very sad. She looks happy in the photo with her mom and children, all of whom must be feeling so bereaved. Addiction is such a scary disease, so hard to overcome.

    And your husband's pain--that must be hard to watch, not being able to do much except offer sympathy and support. It's good that his medication is helping. And what a great grandpa he is--getting three children off to school all cleaned and fed. That's a big job! It's great that Lucy is back at school, and I hope she soon comes to look forward to going every day.

    Yay! A windfall of new books to enjoy! Nothing better than a cozy day with a book.
    43 days ago
    You're in my prayers. I had considered writing a blog about my recent loss in the midst of this chaotic season. It helped me a lot to just read your blog. Take good care of yourself a be well
    43 days ago
    44 days ago
    Hugs hugs hugs. so much to handle, so much loss. I'm glad you could come here and let us share, if only a smidgen., this heavy load. I wish I could rock you in my arms
    44 days ago
    44 days ago
    Oh, Elizabeth. I am sooooo sorry to here of your loss ... another loss.

    I often repeat the verbiage that God does not give us more than we can handle ... but sometimes I think God has me confused with someone else.
    44 days ago
    Another heartbreaker! You can’t catch a break. My condolences Elizabeth. Praying that MRI outcome is positive. emoticon
    44 days ago
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your niece. Oh but honey it does seem to be one damn thing after another for you and yours. You're incredibly strong but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and that you don't struggle at times.

    Is it feasible for you to get your foot operated on as quickly as possible? I can't help thinking that would enable you and your husband to then focus on his needs more easily. It's too easy to shove our own needs to the back of the queue for our loved ones but you'll be better able to support him if you're fully mobile again. In other words, do it for him if not for yourself.

    As to exercising I hear ya sistah! The seated exercises I've recently linked to do really seem to help though. Perhaps you could try them and/or similar options?

    I'm sending you love 'n' hugs plus a dollop of British Stiff Upper Lip. It's a bit like True American Grit [which you've already got], only more repressed!

    44 days ago
    I have a lump in my throat as I read your sad news. A dear sweet friend lost her son to an accidental overdose. He Had an industrial accident at work which severed his arm from his body, therefore, being in terrible pain, sadly became addicted to prescription narcotics. My friend and her husband were devastated and had to step in and help with the raising of his two young children. I recently learned my friend, (in the next state) had died of a heart attack. ... I certainly did not mean to go off on My friend and her loss but it triggered that painful memory. Unfortunately these things are happening more and more. I am very sorry for the loss of your beautiful niece. ......💗 ....
    44 days ago
    My condolences on the loss of your beloved niece. So hard. You've just had too much on your plate.

    I pray that the MRI gives some answers and then some relief for your DH!

    HUGS my dear.
    44 days ago
    Sincere sympathy on the loss of your beloved niece. That is just so sad. Overdose is a parallel pandemic which seems to have accelerated during these really difficult times.

    Of course even somebody as brave and strong and resilient as you are can feel overwhelmed with grief from time to time. You are dealing with a whole lot. Sadness and grief are so normal in such circumstances.

    Glad you are going to pick up your meditation practice. Anything you can do to take care of you . . . is not just permissible it's prescribed!!
    44 days ago
    Sometimes we just need to slow down and verbalize (whether with a friend or by writing) in order to figure out what we REALLY need. Such a tragedy about your niece - no wonder you're blue! There's only so much we can do to save others from their addictions, and it's such a loss when they just can't overcome them. Be gentle with yourself!
    44 days ago
    Elizabeth I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your niece.It has been a difficult year and try to allow yourself some down to relax and read.Sometimes we all want to say stop the rolercaoster and let me off. emoticon
    44 days ago
    Spark friends are always here to listen.
    Sometimes without words, but always emoticon and emoticon
    44 days ago
    I am so sorry for the loss of your son and now your niece. She must have struggled so very much with her addiction. I hope your spouse gets answers soon to find relief. Sending some positive energy to you and your family and wishing you better days.
    44 days ago
    How tragic! My condolences to you and your family. Conditions are what they are. Your reaction to them is the only thing that can change. You get to feel your feelings too. Meditating in the morning gives you better footing earlier in the day. ❤️
    44 days ago
  • EDWARDS1411
    You've been so strong over the many years you've had to deal with your DH's back problems and then your son's terminal illness and now the tragic passing of your dear niece, it's no wonder a few cracks may appear now and then, but it doesn't make you any the less strong. Take the time for yourself to refresh and recharge - very difficult I know especially when your DH is having more traumatic issues. It's good you're getting in some short bits of exercise - some is always better than none. Do try to increase them though as exercise is good anti-depressant therapy. Make sure you are getting all the nutrients you need especially with the fasting. You aren't going to be able to help others if you own cup is empty. It looks like you have a great selection of new books to escape into and do get back into meditation, it just may be your saving grace. Come by to vent and release as often as you need. We're here for you!!
    44 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/25/2021 11:27:42 AM
  • PHOENIX1949
    44 days ago
    So very sorry for your loss Liz, seems your poor family continues to have worries.
    You have my prayers for them all, but I so hope DH gets his investigations underway soon.

    Hard to find a positive when so much is thrown at you, but you Liz, are one strong lady.
    Not every say is good, but there is good in every day, or so the saying goes, hang in there hun emoticon
    44 days ago
    emoticon So sorry for your roller coaster. It's been a rough ride! And it's OK to not always be strong.

    Condolences to your extended family. And prayers for all. emoticon
    44 days ago
  • LORI-K
    Elizabeth, I am so sorry for the loss of your niece. So tragic and sad. I am praying for your sister and your whole family.
    When it rains it pours, huh?
    I hope David can get in for his tests so his health plan can be implemented super soon!
    Keep doing the best you can each day, with all of the circumstances you are dealing with.
    I have been thinking of you a lot the past few days, as I have just started listening to guided meditations 1 or 2 times a day. I remembered you telling us how much they helped you and how much you enjoyed them.
    I have just been picking random ones on Youtube, and so far, have totally enjoyed them. I am thankful for you for inspiring me to try it. I hope you get back to it, too.
    Stay strong. We are all here for you.
    44 days ago
    I'm so sorry about your niece... strange but true, my daughter from Calgary literally JUST phoned to tell me that one of my nieces (from my first marriage, and I allowed myself to lose touch with most of them) died... no details yet.

    When I read about the hoops my friends in the U.S. have to go through to get medical care, and the huge bills you sometimes face, I am glad all over again for Canada's health care system. If we need to see a specialist or get a test, our family doctor just makes the appointment... that's it. No paperwork, no bills. I used to work for one of the doctors who was on a Canada-wide committee that brought in our first government funded health care plan (in the 50's or 60's). We do not have private medical insurance (did as part of our benefits when we were working), and pay on a sliding scale through our taxes... Peter pays $600/year, I pay $450. And that's it. Prescriptions are covered except for the dispensing fee, eye examinations too. No dental, but they're talking about adding that. Every time during the election campaign that I heard someone on CNN fearing the introduction of "socialized medicine", I thought how little they understood, and how much better off they would be with a system like ours.

    Enough of a rant... I'm really sorry about your niece. She had a hard life.
    44 days ago
    Big. Warm. Hard. Hugs.
    44 days ago
    So sorry for your loss. Maybe you should get your foot done now while husband is more stable. I said I would wait but its always a new issue. Sorry you are going through so much always vent here it does help
    44 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I have a very challenging son - Disable Vet with PTSD.
    He is married to a person who is not good for him. I have had to let go. I still love him and want the best for him, but these are his choices and his decisions to make. emoticon
    44 days ago
    I'm so sorry for all the challenges you are facing - but as always, so impressed with how you handle it. Gratitude is the way out when things seem so desolate. Sending you BIG virtual hugs. emoticon
    44 days ago
    Hang in there... we are listening and sending you our love. emoticon
    44 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Hopefully, you’ll start getting some answers and direction for hubby. Sending hugs and good thoughts!
    44 days ago
    I understand all too well. Very sorry for your loss. I have a Heather in my own life and that is a source of sadness, stress and pain for me. Hang in there, my friend. Prayers.
    44 days ago
    As you know from reading my blogs, I struggle with anxiety, which turns to depression. I try to find the positive, but at times, life is overwhelming. I am sending hugs and prayers. I am so sorry about your niece. emoticon
    44 days ago
    So sorry to hear about your troubles stay strong better days are to come stay safe
    44 days ago
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