November 30, 2020
Monday, November 30, 2020
I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. Nothing has been happening worth talking about. It has been one horrible year. I sure do hope that 2021 is going to be a better year.
I can blame it on COVID 19, I can blame it on being a rough personal year, I can blame it on.....a lot of things but the truth is I let it happen. I have put on about 30 pounds. When I started on my lifestyle change I weighed 258 pounds. When I joined SP on 12/11/11 I weighed about 181 pounds. By the time Christmas rolled around in 2012 I had people saying I looked like I had cancer. I weighed 126 pounds. With all the knowledge,& support I have I now weigh154.4 I am miserable, unhappy, fed up, disgusted and yes pissed. How did this happen? I do know how, I am learning why, now I have to decide what to do about it. To tell you the truth the mood I have been in I don't give a rat's arse if I weigh 3 hundred pounds. I want cake for breakfast and lunch, candy for snacks, Wise or Smarfood cheddar popcorn for dessert along with a side of Skittles. Oh, don't forget the gallons of ice cream just because. The dumb thing is I realize it and just keep doing it. I shouldn't even bring this stuff into the house.. It could and would be a lot worse if I wasn't walking so much this summer. Basically in the summer until about mid September I was maintaining. My back started really killing me where I can't walk down the stairs to get the mail or even to the bathroom without being in pain. Now the knee that was operated on is acting up again. I went grocery shopping on Saturday with my homemaker and it was a good thing she was there. By the time I walked to get what I wanted I was in such pain I couldn't even get the stuff out of my cart to check it out. My homemaker finished checking out and carried the groceries upstairs. Put them away too. I sat in the recliner and almost cried I was in such pain.. I didn't think I would make it up the stairs but I did.
I can't wait to see what December is going to hold for me. I have mixed feelings towards December. Of course Christmas comes in December but it is bitter sweet with my Dad passing away on December 28, 1993. For a few years Christmas was ruined but then in 1995 my SIL gave birth to Brianna and in 1997 Tyler came along. It is so much fun at Christmas watching the children. They are grown now but I did learn to love the season because Jesus was supposedly born on Christmas. These 2 little children knew the meaning of Christmas and the was inspiring. I finally knew my Dad was still with us, just not visible. I feel him many times. A whisper in my ear, a feeling, suddenly realizing WHy to questions. On December 31 I will turn 66. For many years now it has just been another day. I stay home as it is a big party night and there are too many drunk drivers.
I am trying to figure out if I should just say to heck with it and enjoy Christmas, if we have Christmas, I was alone on Thanksgiving and probably will be on Christmas, but I can celebrate by myself. I will get back on track January 1 or if I should start getting back on track now, and not wait. I know the logical answer but am I willing to do it. Honestly, I don't know if it is even worth it.
What are your New Year resolutions for 2021. I replaced the word resolutions with goals as most people by February have already broken their resolutions. If I don't get a chance to blog again, Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate and Happy New Year, May 2021 be better.