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November 30, 2020

Monday, November 30, 2020

I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. Nothing has been happening worth talking about. It has been one horrible year. I sure do hope that 2021 is going to be a better year.

I can blame it on COVID 19, I can blame it on being a rough personal year, I can blame it on.....a lot of things but the truth is I let it happen. I have put on about 30 pounds. When I started on my lifestyle change I weighed 258 pounds. When I joined SP on 12/11/11 I weighed about 181 pounds. By the time Christmas rolled around in 2012 I had people saying I looked like I had cancer. I weighed 126 pounds. With all the knowledge,& support I have I now weigh154.4 I am miserable, unhappy, fed up, disgusted and yes pissed. How did this happen? I do know how, I am learning why, now I have to decide what to do about it. To tell you the truth the mood I have been in I don't give a rat's arse if I weigh 3 hundred pounds. I want cake for breakfast and lunch, candy for snacks, Wise or Smarfood cheddar popcorn for dessert along with a side of Skittles. Oh, don't forget the gallons of ice cream just because. The dumb thing is I realize it and just keep doing it. I shouldn't even bring this stuff into the house.. It could and would be a lot worse if I wasn't walking so much this summer. Basically in the summer until about mid September I was maintaining. My back started really killing me where I can't walk down the stairs to get the mail or even to the bathroom without being in pain. Now the knee that was operated on is acting up again. I went grocery shopping on Saturday with my homemaker and it was a good thing she was there. By the time I walked to get what I wanted I was in such pain I couldn't even get the stuff out of my cart to check it out. My homemaker finished checking out and carried the groceries upstairs. Put them away too. I sat in the recliner and almost cried I was in such pain.. I didn't think I would make it up the stairs but I did.

I can't wait to see what December is going to hold for me. I have mixed feelings towards December. Of course Christmas comes in December but it is bitter sweet with my Dad passing away on December 28, 1993. For a few years Christmas was ruined but then in 1995 my SIL gave birth to Brianna and in 1997 Tyler came along. It is so much fun at Christmas watching the children. They are grown now but I did learn to love the season because Jesus was supposedly born on Christmas. These 2 little children knew the meaning of Christmas and the was inspiring. I finally knew my Dad was still with us, just not visible. I feel him many times. A whisper in my ear, a feeling, suddenly realizing WHy to questions. On December 31 I will turn 66. For many years now it has just been another day. I stay home as it is a big party night and there are too many drunk drivers.

I am trying to figure out if I should just say to heck with it and enjoy Christmas, if we have Christmas, I was alone on Thanksgiving and probably will be on Christmas, but I can celebrate by myself. I will get back on track January 1 or if I should start getting back on track now, and not wait. I know the logical answer but am I willing to do it. Honestly, I don't know if it is even worth it.

What are your New Year resolutions for 2021. I replaced the word resolutions with goals as most people by February have already broken their resolutions. If I don't get a chance to blog again, Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate and Happy New Year, May 2021 be better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DONNALEE-53
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    130 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
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    141 days ago
  • MILLER-S
    My heart goes out to you, Bonnie. I remember December being a difficult month for you regarding your Dad. It makes me happy to read that you knew your Dad was still with you when Brianna and Tyler came along and inspired you with their understanding of the meaning of Christmas. I'm so glad you feel him sometimes and know that he is there. I think of my parents so often.

    2020 has been one rough year. I hope 2021 is better, too. I no longer make resolutions because I never keep them. Currently, I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time and I don't think farther than one month ahead.

    I've gained over 20 lbs since being on Prednisone for over a year now. My rheumatologist told me I would gain weight, but I had no idea I would gain this much. Of course, the Prednisone didn't put the food in my mouth, but it sure increased my appetite and affected me in other ways. I'm weaning off of it now and am hopeful I'll be able to lose again.

    I'm so sorry you're in such terrible pain. I can relate to chronic pain and severe pain. It takes a lot out of a person just to cope. Wishing you hope, comfort, peace and moments of joy in the holiday season and always.

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    141 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/1/2020 10:40:57 PM
  • WILDKAT781
    Oh Sweetie, I have been there. It is so hard to keep it under control at times. Please know that you can contact me at anytime. I am here for you!
    emoticon
    142 days ago
  • MRS_TOAD
    My heart aches for you. Know that you are not alone. While miles do separate us, you are always in my heart. I think about you often! ((hugs))
    142 days ago
  • PEZMOM1
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    142 days ago
  • ROSEWAND
    Bonnie, know that your experience of this year,2020 have been
    shared by so many of us. It has been a long lonely year for so
    many and fearful as well. Few will shed a tear at its close.

    The good news is you can stabilize your weight and
    still enjoy the holidays with moderation. Prepare by eating
    wisely in the next three weeks; drop a few pounds then
    eat as you would like for the holiday week. You will
    likely start the new year about where you are now
    and motivated to lose those 30 pounds. emoticon

    emoticon


    143 days ago
  • NEW-CAZ
    Bonnie this has been the year from hell, you're not alone, but hey.............you're still here!!!

    Now is the perfect time to recommit to being healthy, start small and slow and build. As Barb said....baby steps

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    143 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    You are so very worth it! Please don't make me remind you what I'm going through, we each have our burdens to bare and they are as real to us as they can be. You can do this and you will feel so much better. Celebrate YOU! Know I am here for you and love you! You will be happy, I just know it!

    God bless and mega hugs!!!!!!!
    143 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Oh my dear Bonnie, this year has been a kick in the . . . arse . . . for many, so just know you're not alone.

    No time like now to start doing little things to get healthier. Baby steps. They do work.


    HUGS adn prayers that 2021 is a much better year.


    143 days ago
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