Fear is THE GREAT DEVOURER - and without Fear, I'm not really all that Hungry.
Saturday, November 21, 2020
I finally faced the fact I only overeat, only do any unhealthy thing because I'm trying to hide from something - I ate all that crap because I was AFRAID inside.
Now I'm no longer afraid and don't have that driving need to escape anything. Even if I detect the onset of physical tension from an unexpected fearful reaction, I don't see it as anything other than a base animal signal to be alert, and then the only thing is to figure out WHAT THOUGHT BROUGHT ON THE BLIND RESPONSE.
Further investigation has shown me that I had a habit of running to food, drink, weed, whatever, to escape the pain of whatever imaginary struggles my mind tended to project in response to my personal ambitions.
I want a lot, so my brain's homeostatic response (the mechanism that maintains the status quo and establishes my 'COMFORT ZONE') kicks in to make sure I AVOID MY DREAMS and immerse myself in the hellish comforts of empty, ultimately poisonous pleasures.
Only the pleasures don't last - there's no high-fiving myself when I look in the mirror and see man-boobs (or,'MOOBS', in the Ancient Hebrew texts, i.e. "Thus the Lord smote him with moobs, so that no woman would dig his scene.") And who feels victorious when out of breath doing simple physical chores?
Eating was ESCAPISM - like daydreaming, but with my mouth.
I'm awake, Now, in the Present Moment. I am not afraid. Pass me the salad.