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jokes and weekly review

Friday, October 16, 2020

I thought for this week blog I review my October goals
October goals:
1. lose weight I now weigh 174.6 I think I am gaining
2. drink at least 6 cups of water a day working on this .
3. keep up my exercise streak I am now on day ,,1226
4. keep up with my teams - I am doing this.
5. really take this healthy journey seriously - I am starting too.
6. eat 3 freggies , one being a veggie doing better on this
7. don't eat on couch - did this
8.start reading my bible reading again didn't do this yet
9. get on my wii at least 3 days a week working on this
10.read one of my books at least 4 time a week at home doing good on this
11. don't eat candy I am not doing good on this


OKAY NOW FOR THE JOKES hopefully they funny
."
BUY ME OUT
A very successful real estate broker had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my real estate office. All you have to do is go to the office every day and learn the business."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate office. I can't stand agents."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some the paperworks."
"I hate paperworks," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of my real estate office, but you don't like office and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."


HUGE PAUSE
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

How To Talk About Men
This is how to talk about Men and still be Politically Correct:

He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
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