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jokes and September goals review and October goals

Friday, October 09, 2020

September goals:
1. lose weight I now weigh 174.6 I gain 6 pounds
2. drink at least 6 cups of water a day not up to 6 yet
3. keep up my exercise streak I am now on day ,,1219
4. keep up with my teams - did this
5. really take this healthy journey seriously - need to work on this
6. eat 3 freggies , one being a veggie working on thid
7. don't eat on couch - did this
8.start reading my bible reading again didn't do this
9. get on my wii at least 4 days a week need to work on this
10.read one of my books at least 4 time a week at home did this
October goals:
1. lose weight I now weigh 174.6
2. drink at least 6 cups of water a day
3. keep up my exercise streak I am now on day ,,1219
4. keep up with my teams -
5. really take this healthy journey seriously -
6. eat 3 freggies , one being a veggie working on this
7. don't eat on couch - did this
8.start reading my bible reading again
9. get on my wii at least 3 days a week
10.read one of my books at least 4 time a week at home
11. don't eat candy
Two silver-haired women entered a restaurant for lunch. Each caught the other's look of joyful recognition--having been college mates 50 years earlier. They spent the afternoon laughing and reminiscing. then one looked at the other in obvious embarrassment. "I hate to say this," she confessed, "but what is your name?"
The other one thought a moment, then asked ruefully, "How soon do you need to know?

A city officials decided to get all unlicensed dogs off the streets. When a policeman spots a big mutt riding in the front seat with its owner, he signals the driver to pull over.
When the driver asks why he's been stopped, the officer points to the big dog sitting beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asks.
"Oh, no," the man says, "he doesn't need one. I always do the driving.

" Skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights.
"Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day.""I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?" the boy continued.
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"

okes


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Male or Female
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.
The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually
indicate it did not pay attention to your question.
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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