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jokes and self-care tips.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

: Self–Care Awareness Month in September is a time to remind us that taking care of ourselves, first and foremost, is essential. Self-care is often neglected in our everyday lives. We all tend to put others' needs before our own and it is crucial to remember that we cannot fill another cup from our own empty vessel. While getting a massage or taking a walk are beautiful examples of taking time for our well-being, self-care can be more expansive than that. Share your self-care tips.
self-care tips
1. Make sleep part of your self-care routine.
2. . Exercise daily as part of your self-care routine.
3. Eat right for self-care. eat food such as fatty fish, blueberries, nuts, green leafy veggies, and broccoli.
4, Say no to others, and say yes to your self-care. don't burn yourself out.
5. Take a self-care trip
6. Take a self-care break by getting outside.
7. Let a pet help you with your self-care.
8. Take care of yourself by getting organized.
9. Cook at home to care for yourself
10. Read a book on self-care for self-care.
11. Schedule your self-care time, and guard that time with everything you have.

jokes:
True life product warnings:
On a blanket from Taiwan::
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists: :
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer: :
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: :
OPEN OTHER END.
On a Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
.
On a bar of Dial soap:
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): :
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
On a Korean kitchen knife: :
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a child's superman costume: "
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)


""Whenever I have to decide between two evils, I always choose the one I haven't tried before." (Mae West)
DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS CHARTS
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient refused an autopsy.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Actual Church Bulletins
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

The ladies of the church have cast-off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
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