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Those silver linings are there, even if I don't look for them!

Monday, September 28, 2020

Today was doc day. I had to tell him about my pain and depression. My blood pressure usually goes up, especially if I go by myself. Today I took out my phone and looked at all the pics on there of the kids, and my husband and the flowers and had happy memories and smiles while I waited. I felt better! Plus, I lost 10 lbs this summer without trying and not being on my food plan!

I got my flu shot and made sure I was up to date on my pneumonia vax. I hope everyone gets theirs. I have to wait a few more weeks for the knee shot, but the doc said why not try CBD oil!!! Maybe it would help. There's really not much more he can do. I can take heavier pain meds, but I'm an addict and I want to stay away from them. It's a question of quality of life, I guess.

I've been able to keep at self-care by logging everything I do for myself. I ice, use heat on my eyes, take meds, exercise, etc. I had stopped wanting to do the fun things for myself. I didn't care about my house plants, or taking a shower. Logging those things that needed to be done, well, it has really helped. Giving myself permission to be good to myself BEFORE everyone else has been a hard lesson to learn, but necessary. Chronic pain is a really great teacher, if you're willing to learn.

I have a safety net I've developed over time, and the people in it are helpful, encouraging and supportive. They're also honest and I can depend on them to tell me if I need help. My commitment to myself and them is to listen and act. To trust them when I don't even trust myself. I'm using that safety net now, and I'm so grateful I took the time to build and nurture it, and that they're there for me now, when I need it.

You know what helped most of all? Looking for the silver lining. In a 12-step program I used to belong to, there were many sayings about taking it a minute at a time, faking it til you make it, look forward not back. I find myself reminding myself of those sayings a lot. I even tattooed on my forearm "this magic moment" because that's all we really ever have, and I need to be reminded often!

I have many silver linings.

My husband is wonderful. My family of the heart visits and communicates with me. I have a wonderful place to live. My brain still works! My car runs. I can afford a cleaning lady! LOL Plus, gardening and canning season is over and I've finally accepted I'm too old and sick to take care of littles anymore! And to add to that, the silver lining of pain is that I don't even notice my flu shot! LOLOL I still hate getting old, though.
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