Monday August 31 2020 Language of Letting Go - Melanie Beatty
Monday, August 31, 2020
*** I have edited this post to make it briefer ..
I've used denial many times.
It has been a defense, a survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times,
almost my undoing.
It has been both a friend and an enemy.
The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost touch with my feelings and myself.
Denial protected me from pain, but it also rendered me blind to my feelings, my needs, and myself.
Eventually, I began to heal
Life participated in this process with me. It is a gentle teacher. I was brought to the incidents and people I needed in order to remind me of what I was still denying.
Sometimes, I feel ashamed about how long it takes me to struggle through to acceptance of reality. I feel embarrassed when I find myself again clouded by the fog of denial.
It's an exciting process, this journey called life, but I understand I may sometimes use denial to help me get through the rough spots. I'm also aware that denial is a friend, and an enemy. I'm on the alert for danger signs: those cloudy, confused feelings . . . sluggish energy . . . feeling compulsive . . . running too fast or hard . . . avoiding support mechanisms.
I've gained a healthy respect for our need to use denial as a blanket to wrap ourselves in when we become overwhelmed or lost.
God, help me be open to and trust the process that is healing me from all I have denied from my past. Help me strive for awareness and acceptance, but also help me practice gentleness and compassion for myself--and others--for those times I have used denial.