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Monday August 31 2020 Language of Letting Go - Melanie Beatty

Monday, August 31, 2020

*** I have edited this post to make it briefer ..

I've used denial many times.
It has been a defense, a survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times,
almost my undoing.

It has been both a friend and an enemy.

The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost touch with my feelings and myself.

Denial protected me from pain, but it also rendered me blind to my feelings, my needs, and myself.

Eventually, I began to heal

Life participated in this process with me. It is a gentle teacher. I was brought to the incidents and people I needed in order to remind me of what I was still denying.

Sometimes, I feel ashamed about how long it takes me to struggle through to acceptance of reality. I feel embarrassed when I find myself again clouded by the fog of denial.

It's an exciting process, this journey called life, but I understand I may sometimes use denial to help me get through the rough spots. I'm also aware that denial is a friend, and an enemy. I'm on the alert for danger signs: those cloudy, confused feelings . . . sluggish energy . . . feeling compulsive . . . running too fast or hard . . . avoiding support mechanisms.

I've gained a healthy respect for our need to use denial as a blanket to wrap ourselves in when we become overwhelmed or lost.

God, help me be open to and trust the process that is healing me from all I have denied from my past. Help me strive for awareness and acceptance, but also help me practice gentleness and compassion for myself--and others--for those times I have used denial.
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