SP Premium
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints 6,284


Thursday, August 13, 2020

Back when I was more overweight than I care to admit, I was a chronic and miserable people pleaser. I looked outward for my self worth and happiness. If I made you happy, I was allowed to be happy. The problem is too often the target of my people-pleasing were people who tended to take advantage of that trait and I could never please them.

My disappointment and downright resentment lead to needing some instant gratification to please my tastebuds and numb me from the feeling of failing no matter how hard I tried. I was compulsive in my need to to comfort myself, just like I was compulsive in my need to please others and be recognized by them. In the end the problem was within because the only person I can control is myself.

Part of losing the weight was giving up the burden of needing to have others think of me as kind and giving. Now I really try to focus on what is going on within. I will do something for another person because it feels good and I must let go of having that person indicate in any way it meant something. As soon as giving no longer feels good and resentment builds, I need to set limits. My moral code is within not outward and I am learning to accept when I set limits, some people will get angry. That is about them.

I don't find it amusing to upset someone, though the meme made me giggle. I just can no longer let other people dictate how I feel about myself. I accept myself as imperfect, but lovable. Eager to help, but limited in time and patience. Most importantly, I am worthy of health. I need to take care of myself first with healthy food and exercise.I consider myself a caring person and I am learning not to care if anyone else does. My worth and love grows within.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SUNSHINE5268
    very powerful message, great blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    37 days ago
    As another said, Excellent message! ...Trying to please others is so futile and is a dead end street. I gave up trying a long time ago and the friends and relatives I lost we're never really friends at all!
    38 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/18/2020 6:52:11 PM
  • SPICY23
    emoticon very wise observations. As usual.

    I find it much easier to give or say yes to people I experience as 'givers' rather than 'takers'. Once I have identified someone as a 'taker' I am more careful about my commitments with them. Generally, they tend to drift away over time after I establish such limits; I guess they go find easier marks. Works for me.

    Peace and Care
    38 days ago
    You know, I'm 63 and haven't yet totally mastered what you're describing in this blog. All my life, I've used what I've (often wrongly) perceived as others' opinions of me to shape the opinion I have of myself. You are so right that that is the wrong thing to do and that we have to work on what's within us. I think the definition of being a grownup is when you figure out deep down what is right, do your best to uphold your principles, and when your best is not good enough for whoever wants more, then recognize it's their problem, not yours. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and reminding me of how we should all strive to be. Keep on being strong!
    40 days ago
    That is a hard lesson to learn to be motivated from within as opposed to trying to please others for your self-worth. I love the meme from the office. It's so funny.
    42 days ago
    When we constantly put others before ourselves... we disrespect yourself and teach them how to disrespect us too. Hope you have a great day... emoticon emoticon emoticon
    42 days ago
    You are so RIGHT! And thanks for the laugh with the meme too!
    42 days ago
    Well put!
    42 days ago
    Learning to say no really does improve the respect people seem to have for you, no longer being and easy touch’...
    43 days ago
    The sad truth about people pleasing is that we are not responsible for any person's happiness except our own. It seems that typically, women are raised to be people pleasers. The business world paints a very vivid portrait. If a man puts his needs first and doesn't hold himself responsible for the feelings of others, he is perceived as strong. If a woman puts her needs first, and even if she is somewhat empathic to the feelings of others, she is perceived as a b*tch.

    Your post is excellent. emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
    excellent blog
    43 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949

    "Garden Party" by Ricky Nelson w/lyric
    43 days ago
    Awesoem! It's taken me 66 yrs. to get to that point! Kudos to you for getting there earlier. At the end of the day, it's how WE feel about what we've accomplished that matters.

    So, you can't please everyone, so you please yourself! YUP!

    43 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2020 5:51:28 PM
    I think Kermit said it best. You just can't please some people. My husband is a big time people pleaser (with the possible exception of me because he knows I love him no matter what). When I married him 25 years ago I could see what it was doing to him always trying to make his family happy. It took him awhile to figure out that he would never be able to accomplish that feat! They were simply miserable people.

    I also learned after my dad died that I could not just do whatever my mom thought she needed me to do for her. If it was going to upset me, then it was simply too much. We worked out a system where she would ask and I would decide whether or not it was something I could manage in my schedule. She was very used to my dad always being there doing whatever she needed whenever she needed it.

    Sounds like you are really finding yourself! Good for you.
    43 days ago
  • BONNIE1552
    So true.
    43 days ago
    43 days ago
    Excellent blog.
    43 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.