This past week I have been thinking a lot about all of the "sparks" that lit my fire on this journey to become a healthier me. I started this journey over a month ago and feel more motivated than I ever have at trying to lose weight. I have tried before but gave up after a short period time so again it leaves me wondering why now, why these sparks, and can I keep the fire going?
The first spark that lit my fire was when I stepped onto the scale after not having weighed myself for close to a year and as I looked at that number I realized that this was the heaviest I have ever been in my life and even though it was just a number this number was contributing to a lot of negative things in my life. This weight gain was holding me back and that I really needed to do something about it or to at least stop the downward spiral of putting on more weight.
I also started lighting my fire with the small spark of my clothes no longer fitting right. I started to pack for my summer work where I wear a lot of light weight long sleeve shirts to keep the sun and mosquitoes off along with light weight hiking pants. I don't know why it is but I usually try on things before I pack and let's just say nothing fit right and if I am being honest I barely was able to button my pants.
During this time I also had a significant death in the family. My cousin, his wife, and their 8-year-old son died in a plane crash. My cousin was like the brother I never had and it really hit me hard. I struggled quite a bit but I also started to think about how short life can be and was I living my life to it's fullest and if not what could I change. Another spark was added to help start my fire.
In my grieving process I also did more reminiscing of times gone by with my cousin and also looking at family photos. I came to the realization that over the last few years I almost completely stopped having pictures of me taken as I didn't like the way I looked. I grieved for the pictures that could have been and vowed to make a change again adding another spark to the fire.
This also led me to think think more about the state of my lifestyle and how unhealthy I really was and how I was missing out on a few things. Over the last couple of years I didn't participate in the activities that I once enjoyed like an 8 mile hike in Yellowstone to a favorite fishing spot or traipsing after my nature loving photographer husband when we were in Alaska, Instead I chose to stay in the hotel room or sit in the car. Another spark was ignited to light my fire.
My sparks were starting to turn into a flame. I was almost ready to start this journey. I looked at my health and how living an unhealthy lifestyle was contributing to my weight and possibly exacerbating some of my medical issues. I asked myself if I made some changes in the way I ate and started exercising again could I actually start to feel better? Again another spark was added and the flame was getting larger.
At this point more sparks were being added and I was getting close to starting this journey. I also learned that a few of my family members were diagnosed with diabetes or were considered prediabetic including my mom. This really got me thinking about whether or not I was headed down the same path in the way that I had been taking care of my body.
I had several more "ah ha" moments that contributed to sparks lighting my fire but the spark that said the fire is officially lit came when I had a conversation with my husband about wanting to make a few changes. My husband is one of those lucky few who really does have a high metabolism and as long as he is somewhat active he is able to maintain a healthy weight. Anyways he said that he would support me and that was all I needed to officially say my fire was lit.
I again ask myself why now, why these sparks? I am not sure if it is a combination of the different sparks, the right timing, or if I am just a little bit wiser in what I need to do to become healthier. I have to admit that my motivation is stronger than it ever has been and I am thankful for that. I also know that if you want to keep your fire going that you do need to continuously add fuel to the fire and so I am planning for the future and adding more fuel to keep my fire going. This past week I signed up for my first official team challenge. I joined the 2020 summer 5% challenge. I am looking forward to being part of a team. I am motivated and determined to keep this fire going.