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Such an Emotional Roller Coaster

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Friday, April 03, 2020

So my last blog was on March 19th. On March 20th my OB called me to talk about my two hospital visits for the fluid in my lungs, and I once again asked her about my bloodwork numbers, because everything I read about healthy pregnancies it seemed to go against.

This time, she looked at the numbers and said "oh, yeah. These don't look like a viable pregnancy."

I almost dropped the phone. I'd literally spoken to the nurses in her office on the 18th and they said she'd written that my numbers looked fine in the notes.


She told me that I should probably start preparing for a loss and she moved my ultrasound up a week to March 31st so I would know sooner rather than later if I was dealing with something called a blighted ovum, which is when your gestational sac develops, but the fertilized egg never becomes an embryo.

I was totally wrecked. I went from slightly hopeful to absolutely in the pits of despair. I was so upset with the office, with my doctor, with everyone that had told me to have hope. My degree is in statistics and I knew the numbers didn't lie.

Until they did.

When I went for my ultrasound on March 31st, I fully expected to leave either with medicine to help the miscarriage or with a D and C scheduled.

What I did not expect was for the ultrasound tech to say, "And there's the baby. Heartbeat is 172."

Cue the waterworks. J.D. of course had never given up hope. He kept telling me I'd be okay and so would the baby, but I couldn't believe him, not when the bloodwork wasn't doing what it was supposed to do. Not to mention, I still had all my symptoms and had no cramping or anything else to actually make me think I was miscarrying. But I was in shock.

I just kept saying "How?"

And of course my OB walked in just as shocked. She said "I was not expecting this!"

WELL YEAH. Neither was I.

But I just wanted to thank you all SO MUCH for the prayers and positive thoughts. I still can't believe this is real. Still a long way to go, as I'm only about 8 weeks but here is my perfect little baby.

They told me this pic shows the arm buds, but I kinda think I see a thanksgiving turkey in there. My little turkey.

So please please please continue with the positive thoughts. I'll feel better once we're through the first trimester, but I'm still so anxious. I cannot believe how lucky I am that low and slow rising HCG didn't mean the worst for me.

Anyways, just had to update you guys! Love you all. Hope you all are staying safe and healthy in this crazy time.
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