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trying to find my way

Wednesday, February 05, 2020

Anyone that knows me always sees me as an extremely positive person. I make up happy stories to make myself see things in the most positive light. I am a stubborn fighter that has pushed forward on goals.

Although I restarted tracking again today, I have to admit I'm really down. My biopsy results came back. I don't feel comfortable sharing other than to say I'm starting to feel painted into a corner. The diagnosis, as well as struggling with my clinic to get them to work with my insurance so my MRI can be scheduled and the lack of balance/strength to walk are zapping me of all hope.

The thing that I'm clinging to is my daughter's up coming marriage. To be honest I wish I could exit out of having to dress up as mother of the bride. I just don't have to energy to keep up a public face any more and it seems I have lost my ability to be social with the overlay of pain. But I do want to know that my daughter is in a happy marriage.

So I will try to reduce my weight. I have no clue how to exercise now. I can no longer grip weights. Walking is painful and I fall frequently. But tomorrow I am going to try and do something - at least seated in a chair.

honestly don't know how to set goals now

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    update - my goal today was 15 minutes of exercise I managed 7 minuteds of a seated cardio video. I can tell I haven't move fore awhile. It is less about endurance and more that all my movements where so tight. So I just took it slow and really tried to do complete motions. I decided it was better to start working up rather than over doing.

    Nikifix - you are on!
    438 days ago
  • SAL1512
    I am encouraged because you are so self aware. That is a real plus for your situation. Keep questioning and looking for solutions, but in the mean time be gentle with yourself. You are after all, your own best friend.
    439 days ago
    Very sorry to hear this. Will include you in my prayers. Life is so hard sometimes. Wishing you better days ahead.
    439 days ago
    I am also in the same situation with having no clue how to excersize, maybe we can help one another?
    439 days ago
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