trying to find my way
Wednesday, February 05, 2020
Anyone that knows me always sees me as an extremely positive person. I make up happy stories to make myself see things in the most positive light. I am a stubborn fighter that has pushed forward on goals.
Although I restarted tracking again today, I have to admit I'm really down. My biopsy results came back. I don't feel comfortable sharing other than to say I'm starting to feel painted into a corner. The diagnosis, as well as struggling with my clinic to get them to work with my insurance so my MRI can be scheduled and the lack of balance/strength to walk are zapping me of all hope.
The thing that I'm clinging to is my daughter's up coming marriage. To be honest I wish I could exit out of having to dress up as mother of the bride. I just don't have to energy to keep up a public face any more and it seems I have lost my ability to be social with the overlay of pain. But I do want to know that my daughter is in a happy marriage.
So I will try to reduce my weight. I have no clue how to exercise now. I can no longer grip weights. Walking is painful and I fall frequently. But tomorrow I am going to try and do something - at least seated in a chair.
honestly don't know how to set goals now