SP Premium
JSTETSER
350,000-499,999 SparkPoints 443,376
SparkPoints
 

Wrong Turn On the Road to Happiness

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Tuesday, January 14, 2020


Sometimes things beyond our control turn out disastrous. This is what happened when my husband, recovering from hand surgery got the call from his daughter. She changed her mind, and would not be coming down for a visit. His expectations were high, and he was let down. Again. Also, he was taking pain meds and started talking when perhaps, he should have been quiet.
No longer could he ignore the hurt and frustration. He had stuffed and hidden his sadness too often, and all the pain and disappointment came together into one big ball of anger and resentment. Too many times he had said; I’m fine. I understand.”
Then the text came. “I can’t make it down to see you Dad.”
He called her up and expressed his honest feelings, thoughts, and perceptions. In a word, he exploded. John was being true to himself as he told how he felt disrespected and taken advantage of. We had made many trips to see her, but somehow, this consideration was not extended to him.
Yesterday, the pain in his hand and heart pushed him over the edge, and he felt the need to honor himself. He honored his own feelings, and it was not received well at all.
This time, we are alone and quite happy with each other. Perhaps one day she will apologize. Maybe not. Speaking truth is empowering, but risky.
Our expectations for one visit from Laura proved to be too high.
My husband spoke his truth and was rejected-at least temporarily. Speaking up has to be a balance of speaking the truth and nurturing love at the same time.
I'm hoping that there are forgiveness and healing on the road ahead. Hopefully, this path will lead us back to joy and understanding.
One can only hope that the road to happiness is still under construction.



Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JANIEWWJD
    I'm so sorry your hubby us going through so much right now. emoticon I pray his daughter does some deep thinking, and comes to visit!!! emoticon
    41 days ago
  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon emoticon
    42 days ago
  • RKOTTEK
    emoticon
    43 days ago
  • AKA_TROUBLE
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • ARNETTELEE
    Sorry your hubby was disappointed, but now it's out in the open, perhaps time will heal the hurt feelings.

    44 days ago
  • JSTETSER
    Thank you for your comment on my blog! Life can be complicated!
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • LIS193
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • SCHECK5
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • JAMER123
    That kind of hurt has a way of sticking with you for a long time but it does ease with time. I am glad he was able to speak his mind and let her know how she has hurt him. Prayers of healing.
    44 days ago
  • GRAMMYEAC
    We all have our wishes, or hopes, our desires, and our needs. Sometimes those needs, hopes, and wishes overtake us and change our perception of events. When this happens we sometimes face, and create, anguish. If that happens, it is often time to step back, step away, and try to walk in the other person's shoes for a moment.

    Not saying this has happened to John. not saying this has happened to Laura. Just offering another outlook on the whole situation and a possible step towards a reconciliation. I also think that we gain more wisdom and compassion as we age (mature). Does Laura need time to recognize how much she has stretched her father?
    44 days ago
  • FRABBIT
    So sorry this happened. Hope his hand is healing well! Glad you two have found each other!
    44 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • REDROBIN47
    I'm sorry your husband's daughter showed a lack of respect and hurt him by having a reason not to come see him. I can understand him letting her know he was not happy with her decision. In this day and time, family does not not seem to be as important to young people as used to be. I hope after she has time to think about it, she will change her mind.
    44 days ago
  • CAROLJ35
    Pain upon pain. So sorry for John. Hope daughter sees the light before it is too late.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon for both of you.
    44 days ago
  • DOVESEYES
    Sorry to hear this, hugs to you both for the days ahead :)
    44 days ago
  • SPEDED2
    My grandma had a saying that I repeatedly heard growing up, "Kids...they walk on your toes when they're little and walk on your heart when they're grown." It's not easy being a parent, no matter what age the kids.
    44 days ago
  • ARTJAC
    emoticon
    44 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    happy your husband spoke up sometimes others have no understanding that they hurt us, if she has time to think it through hopefully she will realize the errors of her ways hugs for the family
    45 days ago
  • SHERYE
    Your husband and you deserve respect and not disappointment, I'm glad he spoke up and told her the truth of how he felt instead of keeping it in. I pray with time she will open her eyes and realize what has happened and make it right. Sending lots of love and hugs to you both emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • GABY1948
    emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • LIVINHEALTHY9
    Wish I had some words of wisdom to offer.
    Looks like others here have said what I would have.

    emoticon
    45 days ago
  • ON-MY-WAY2FIT
    emoticon
    45 days ago
  • TOKIEMOON
    Pushing things deeper inside isn't healthy and can result in a sudden explosion. I do hope your husband and his daughter can mend fences and come out of it better for the wear.
    45 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    Year ago I got severely chastised by certain family members as I "finally" spoke to a family member who had been abusive her entire life---Not once being called on the carpet----which only allowed her to continue striking with cruel words, and using her hands as an instrument to deliver blows---After many years of stuffing down the awful feelings I had, the final straw came when she delivered the same cruelty to my young children. I wrote a long letter explaining how I felt---I was matter of fact but not cruel. I guess the truth hurt and she has not spoken to me in 14 years. Sometimes getting all that hurt that builds up---Just like plaques in the arteries---has to be released. Had I continued to stifle everything---the abuse would have continued---so I guess everyone knows where they stand. I do empathize with your husband; it never feels good at the time--But as the Bible says: "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." … (It can't stay repressed forever) … Best wishes for a full recovery.
    45 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/14/2020 2:04:22 PM
  • LKWQUILTER
    I understand his feelings. I am to that point too and have told my granddaughters the same thing. Now I do visit once in a while but I don’t go out of my way anymore.
    45 days ago
  • BIRBKITTEN1234
    Well at least he expressed his pain. Things will work out.
    45 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    Hard when adult children hurt us by their lack of consideration. So very Sorry for both of you. Do look after each other.
    45 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    ***SIGH*** Not much more can be said than already has been said, but I am so sorry you both are going thru this. It's sad. I hope she changes her mind down the road.

    In the meantime, keep taking good care of each other. I hope your DH's pain is lessening each day and wish for him a good recuperation.

    HUGS
    45 days ago
  • 1DAY-ATA-TIME
    I can relate a little since I have a 'blended' family. One can only do what he or she can to make the best of it. Often it's difficult to understand what is going on in someone's mind and heart. Despite all of the pain, guilt, shame, disappointments, disagreements, and misunderstanding, one must keep offering their love and hope. I wish you guys the best.
    45 days ago
  • SUNNYBEACHGIRL
    Children own a part of heart all of their lives
    45 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    I completely understand! My husband's daughter had asked him to be more a part of her life. She lives in Maine and we are in SD, so he struggled with what that means. She had a significant other she had been spending time with at her (new) home in Maine, but when his mother died, he withdrew a bit. She expressed concern that maybe he isn't the one for her. I suggested she give him time to grieve. Next thing we know, she announced she was getting married. Dear husband asked if she was sure...like a good dad would. She hasn't spoken to him since! So when I asked for updated photos of her children (ages 12 and 8), she responded that she has 5 children now-it's all or nothing...but she has no expectations! I told her I didn't how to respond because I have never even met these other children of hers (ages 19, 16 and 12). Now she doesn't speak to me either, even though I have requested birthdates to honor those kids. She refused to respond to Christmas. I sent the 8 year old a birthday card with a gift certificate. I doubt I'll hear anything, though I'll send a happy birthday today to her mom's phone... Yep, life is difficult. We do the best we know how for the circumstances!
    45 days ago
  • DONNA_VT
    Wishing better days for you and your husband. . . . I have been there with one of my daughters and our relationship is always in flux

    45 days ago
  • JACKIEWALKS4FUN
    emoticon
    45 days ago
  • IOEINC
    I think you said it all...speaking truth is empowering. Hopefully your husband's daughter will take that to heart and see the error of her ways!! A good relationship between parents and adult children is a two way street and it sounds like his daughter doesn't understand that! Prayers that she will very soon. emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I sent a prayer for all of you. emoticon
    45 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon
    45 days ago
  • JURASSICSUE
    That's very disheartening, what a pity, but I hope they can make it up to some degree over time.

    45 days ago
  • SNOOPYLINKOS
    Adult children actions hurt worse than when they were kids. My heart goes out to you and John.
    45 days ago
  • NELLJONES
    I'm so sorry. Family rifts are painful.
    45 days ago
  • MILLER-S
    I'm so sorry your husband's daughter decided not to visit, particularly when he's recovering from surgery. I'm sure it would have lifted his spirits to have seen her. I can certainly understand his disappointment. Maybe with some time, she will realize that she hasn't been as giving as she should be. At least she knows now how he feels and how her decisions affect others.

    Wishing for all the best going forward.
    emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • HMBROWN1
    How disheartening for your husband! I have been there - with my own daughter. I completely understand. It feels good to get it all out and let them know how you feel. If I go months without seeing her, so be it! I hope that it all gets resolved soon!
    45 days ago
  • no profile photo CD24558803
    She’ll be back when she NEEDS you.
    When mum complains to me that my. Brother hasn’t visited for a while I always remind her he’ll visit when he needs to borrow rGher than buy a tool for a job in his home. And sure enough I’m right
    45 days ago
  • AZMOMXTWO
    so sorry that your sweet husband hed to do that but some times the kids need to know that we are tired of doing all the giving and if she is hurt or upset it is all on her she is an adult get over ti the road travles both ways

    I hope he gets well soon and that his hand heals quickly
    45 days ago
  • GODS-PRINCESS
    Wow!
    I can feel your mixed emotions of proud/happiness for John's actions and sadness/anger as his daughter didn't receive it well. I'm sure was new for her to hear her dad's honesty!
    I think it's awesome of your husband to speak up! That took courage and guts! emoticon
    I know the next days are not going to be easy for either of you as you both pray for his daughter to understand what her dad said and hopefully bring a healthier relationship between the 2 of them.
    45 days ago
  • TWIGBISKIT5
    It's so very sad when a child disrespects a parent especially in the time of need😣. Tell, your husband to have faith. She will come around.🙂. Have a blessed day 🙏😇
    45 days ago
  • NEW-CAZ
    emoticon
    45 days ago
  • no profile photo ELRIDDICK
    Thanks for sharing
    45 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.