I recently went to a Caring for the Caregivers meeting. As I entered the room, I was asked;
“Hi Jackie, how are you?”
I answered; “I’m fine, how are you?”
My friend responded; “I’m fine, thank you.”
Truthfully, we are both weary and worn and that’s why we were at an 8:30 AM Caregivers Support meeting on a Sunday morning. We are grieving the slow decline of our mothers, and muddling through this tough time in our lives.
What does “fine” mean anyhow?
The dictionary defines FINE as
1. of high quality. "This was a fine piece of filmmaking"
2. (of a thread, filament, or person's hair) thin."I have always had fine and dry hair"
Perhaps the second definition fits. Maybe my patience and my nerves are fine just like thin hair.
As a caregiver, I need to listen to the people I care for. Many of them hide what is going on in their lives just as I do with the people around me. At the support group, I learned that I have to look and listen carefully if I want to truly know what is going on because it could be that my loved ones want me to believe that all is fine when it is not.
I’m going to find ways, to be honest about how I am doing. My honesty can help those around me do the same. Some of the other answers that I could give to the question “How are you?”
I’m not sure. Can I get back to you?
I’m staying out of trouble. This means that I’m doing okay, but not wonderful.
I’ve got a mixed bag right now. I’m happy that the weather is warm, but I’ve got enough responsibility and work for two people to take care of.
This is a really tough day. I could use some help. This is an answer that I have given on very few occasions.
Never blame others for a bad day. Show kindness even when you’re sure that the other person has “done you wrong.” We never know the whole story.
Also, keep your goals in view. I do this with the GOALFEATS CHALLENGE. Please join me!
By the way, How are you today?