Saturday, November 09, 2019
I couldn't respond to Brad's blog yesterday. My insides are so torn. His blog yesterday was the first time he had referred possible of losing the battle to cancer. He has been so positive so far, and had never mentioned the possibility of dying from this disease. I know that I have been deluding myself by not considering this. I also know that I can't give up or lessen my prayers. Although it has always been a possibility, I guess I never let myself believe that it was a possibility. I called my friend Fr. John this morning, and bared my soul, let the tears flow, and he sat and listened to me. He offered some spiritual guidance. And when he talked about his brother who died from the same cancer, he pointed out some differences. His brothers cancer was more advanced and had metastasised to more organs, and he was older, and didn't have the fight that Brad has. He reminded me that whatever the outcome, it is the will of God, and to keep praying. God never ignores prayers from the faithful. I don't know why i have had this breakdown, but as Brad says I won't let this beast beat me. I just can't imagine the discussions Brad and Kati have had to have this early in their marriage. Well, when I left from Fr. John's, I went to our outdoor altar we erected in memory of Jamie who was shot. I sat before the 10 ft. crucifix we made and just talked to Jesus. I bared my soul and just sat in silence. I feel better. although it is only in the upper twenties, I felt a warmth come over me. I know that it was our Lord embracing me, giving me the strength to be strong for the family. I just want to take the time to thank all of you for all your prayers and well wishes and thoughts. The have a mighty power that you can't imagine. Thanks for being there to support and listen to me ramble. You will never know what your friendship means to me.