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Not usually a worrier but...

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

sometimes things just get the better of me.
My son is very sick, three years past a very serious diagnosis, but living with that sadness and stress is now just part of daily life in our family.
I feel like we all do the best we can to keep everyone (he has three children under ten) happy, clean and fed.
We live each day to the fullest and strive to stay positive.
But once in a while, the inevitable looms large and I cannot help but obsess with it...especially in bed at night.
Plus...to avoid worrying about that big thing, I find ever more things to worry about...like my weight or my drinking or ...get this....how unsafe the front steps of my son’s new house is and what if trick or treaters fall off them?!?
I have been sleeping soooooo much better since I started CBD oil a few months ago and I am good at all the usual sleep hygiene habits ((cool bedroom, good mattress, white noise machine, no screens, regular hours).
I read recently that even the threat of major health issues is a huge life stressor...right up there with losing a loved one or a job. We have been living with it for over three years now.
Since reading that I have been doubling down my efforts to treat my family with even more compassion and loving kindness....and myself, as well. For example, I am a healthy eater, a moderate drinker and pretty much a daily exerciser. If I am not losing weight right now, so be it.
We are all finding our own way through this protracted nightmare.
But, back to my problem...what on earth can I do about my anxiety level?
I do meditate, but not as often as I could or should.
My yoga practice is barely there...a monthly class.
I try to recognize the worrying thought, breathe deeply and let it go.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    As a cancer survivor myself … it hangs like a thick black cloud over you.

    You are doing … awesome.

    None of us know the exact number of days we have here on earth … so, we each should make each day count.

    Surround yourself with positive, happy folks.
    Don't sweat the small stuff … and most of life is the small stuff.
    Get physical … walk in the sunshine.
    Know you and yours are in my thoughts.
    148 days ago
    I am so sorry about your son's illness. He is in my prayers.

    May I recommend a book

    Breathe: The Simple, Revolutionary 14-Day Program to Improve Your Mental and Physical Health
    by Belisa Vranich Paperback $14.31

    This is actually a book to teach you to breathe correctly and deeply all the time. I'm sure she mentions the calming effect of deep breathing, but the real aim of this book is more physical health and good practices. And the exercises can be done with the aim to improve your physical health - not your mental state. What I noticed when I first started doing them though, was 1) how much better my skin looked and 2) how much calmer I was. Especially better sleeping.

    I think because I wasn't trying so hard to calm down, but to learn physical techniques, the racing brain got tricked into relaxing.

    Hope this works for you too.

    155 days ago
    My heart goes out to you. You expressed it all so well and you are doing all the right things. I take chewable magnesium and B complex for anxiety and ruminating and do feel it helps some. I also found going off sugar helped. I am just starting to try L-tryptophan at night. I'll let you know how it goes.
    155 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about Patrick. Patrick, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Send sending lots of hugs and love you way!
    156 days ago
    Praying for you all...I endorse CBT. Give it a try.
    157 days ago
    You ARE doing all the right things . . . no kidding. We have 60,000 to 100,000 random thoughts a day, and so many of them are about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future . . . but is NOT happening right now.

    And then we "feel our thinking" . . .

    Letting those thoughts flow on through . . . not trying to stamp 'em out but not paying any particular attention to them, treating them like a river flowing.

    And my moods . . . are like weather or the tides of the sea. I am not expecting to feel cheery or upbeat all the time but I do know that anxiety is temporary . . . quite likely if I let it go I'll be feeling better in about 20 minutes or even less.

    What you are living through IS tough . . . and your support and compassion and kindness to everyone in your family is absolutely heroic. Kindness to you might include not beating yourself up for not being able to sustain the upbeat 24/7???
    157 days ago
    You are coping with hugely difficult issues. Anxiety and stress can impact your health, and your relationships. For a brief time, when my mother was dying and my job was very difficult, I took anti-anxiety medication. The doctor would not prescribe it for long. But it was a huge help during that difficult time.

    On an ongoing basis, I do a little yoga and deep breathing at night before going to bed. It is now a part of my relaxation ritual and helps me to sleep.
    157 days ago
    First I want you to know that I pray for your son, you, and your whole family daily.
    You are reaching out and sharing which is vital! Your pain and worry are understandable. It sounds like you are making so many good choices to take care of yourself.
    I am always open to counseling or therapy. I don’t know if that would help you. Of course, I’m a regular in the AA community so sharing, sponsoring others, and working the steps help me in all areas of my life.
    Know you are loved and supported by us all. Thank you for sharing so honestly! Big hug! Leslie
    158 days ago
    First of all, major hugs . . . for you and your family. It's so difficult to NOT worry under the circumstances of your son's health issues. You've gotten some good suggestions. I can only suggest trying to step up your meditation and yoga.

    Do you journal? Sometimes that helps get these feelings out so you can deal with them .

    Fear of the unknown is very hard to deal with, but we have to put it in it's place. Hard to do!

    Wrapping you in hugs and prayers.
    158 days ago
    When I wrote before, Liz, I didn't even think about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I looked at your blog again, and saw that Caz recommended it. I do too!!! Peter and I had a really difficult time when we were first married, mostly because we were both very set in our ways and argued over every little thing. I asked my family doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist, and was lucky enough to be referred to a woman who lived here in town and had been the head of Women's Services at the Clark (Psychiatric) Institute in Toronto.

    She helped me so much. As Caz said, it is hard work. I had homework every time I saw her, and worked out lots of things over a 4-month-period of seeing her once a month.

    It's the same programme that the Beck Weight Loss Programme is based on it, and I'm using the same principles now to break my plateau and finally believe I can reach my goal.

    Please consider it.

    Hugs, Gail
    158 days ago
    Liz I would highly recommend CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
    It could mean the help from a therapist but there are some excellent books on it.
    It aims to highlight where and when you are at your most worried/anxious and gives you tools to calm yourself
    It does take a little work, but I went for it over 10 years ago and can honestly say the mental and physical tools I now have can get me through the very worst of days and any days I feel low.

    So often we forget to tell ourselves how strong we CAN be but we all have it in us to find little things that help, from distractions to rethinking how we view a situation.
    I've sent you a link to give you more background from a sound source
    158 days ago
    I wish there was a magic cure for cancer and hate it with a passion. I stay busy all day and try not to have much down time. That is how I am coping with the loss of my husband 3 years ago. My determination to stay healthy is so that I don’t have to be dependent on our children. I am continuing to pray for your son and for you. (((HUGS)))
    158 days ago
    I read an article on Sparkpeople once about "turning off your brain" (or something like that) so that you're able to sleep. I'll look around and see if I can find it again. I know it had some helpful suggestions for those times when your brain attacks you at night!
    158 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    Long, warm epsom salt baths by candlelight may help. Speaking with a counselor of some sort may also give you some additional coping skills to try.
    158 days ago
  • LORI-K
    I’m so sorry you’re experiencing anxiety. You certainly have every reason for it, but I do hope you can find some relief. In conjunction with the CBD oils, diffuse essential oils, put a soft fountain in your room, listen to peaceful music, soak in a warm bath with herbs or salts. Keep praying. And I am praying for you too.
    Big hugs.
    emoticon emoticon
    158 days ago
  • EOWYN24241
    158 days ago
    That "fight or flight" is awful! You have every reason to feel that way and every reason to try to find something to help you.

    I often wonder how many years my husbands ill health and childrens' problems took off my life! There has been a toll on my own well being and some of that is showing up now. All I can do is try to repair the damage.

    I keep you in my thoughts!
    158 days ago
    I keep music on all day. Use color and scents as happy mood lifters. Get as much sunshine as possible. Use sun lamps in the winter during dark-early days. Pray. I've had your son in my prayers. I understand a mother's heart.
    158 days ago
    I often wonder how you do it, Liz. If it's any comfort, I pray for your family regularly. My only advice would be to do the best you can... which you're already doing... look after yourself, and the little ones, and keep on as even a keel as you can.
    158 days ago
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