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Its been 3 years. Widowhood, new love, and life

Thursday, October 17, 2019

I cannot believe it has been 3 years since I have been on here... time has flew by. So much has changed. I have changed... I am a completely different person than I once was... not just physically, but mentally. The girl that had this sparkpage many years ago is gone. I have been through so many changes, especially the last 2 years, I don't even know where to begin...

First my life made a drastic change last July. July 8th. Approximately 2 pm. My husband of 11 years, who suffered from mental illness and alcoholism passed away. He took his life. I don't think I have fully processed the whole thing. I'm still in therapy, I go twice a month. Some days I look at pictures, and he feels like a stranger. Tammy (my therapist) says it may be because time has passed by and although I have the memories, I have not physically seen him in person for 15 months now. Our marriage was far from perfect. Especially the last 4 years we were together. There are lots of things, that I'm not going to go into.. but I loved him and was with him until the end. Sometimes I beat myself up, wondering if I did everything I could, but I know that I could not save him as much as I wanted to, he had to want to save himself.

Then almost exactly a year ago, October 20th, I received a friend request on Facebook from a guy that I somewhat knew through a mutual friend, but never spoke to. I remember him from high school, but we were never friends. He had just went through a divorce, and without going into details, it broke him. We confined in each other and grew close. It wasn't long we were together daily. Before I knew it, we had introduced each other to our children (he has a 10 year old and an 8 year old) and I have 2 girls (17 and 14). Many people do not understand how a person could move on so quickly after losing a spouse , but until you have went through it yourself, you wouldn't.

My last big news is that in August of this year, the 14th, I had the gastric sleeve surgery done. There is only a handful of people that know, just because many people can be so judgemental about things and I'm not dealing with it lol... Let me tell you , this was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life... I know people go through this surgery all the time but oh my god I was not prepared for the mental aspect of it all.
The week before, you have to go on an all liquid diet. No soda, no caffeine, no food. Oh I'm sorry I could have sugar free applesauce lol. Just when you think your over the worst part, surgery time, and guess what another 4 weeks of basically eating nothing. I think it was like 1 week clear liquid, 2 weeks full liquid, week 4 I could have purred food. I never want to look at another bowl of purred anything in my life lol. Week 5 I moved onto soft food, like tuna and chicken mixed with low fat mayo. Today I'm 9 weeks out and eating pretty normal stuff. Of course, sugar free, low fat, low carb stuff. It's hard, but I know I'll be happier and healthier in the end.. I'm finally starting to feel halfway normal.
So now that I've spilled the beans about my surgery here is my surgery stats::::

Highest weight: 348 lbs
Surgery weight: 342 lbs
Current weight: 285 lbs

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