My last entry was January 1st of this year. I've journaled on my own daily as part of my training to becoming a life coach. In that regard, I've begun and have continued several practices this year to improve my mental clarity. Without my journal and daily breathing/meditation routines I don't think I would have had the capacity to handle the events of this year: My dad's cancer diagnosis, quickly followed by my mom's cancer diagnosis, my mom's heart surgery, my dad's treatments, discovering my husband's many affairs, a flood in our basement while we were on a cruise, and the stress of being an overworked and underappreciated employee and mom.
With everything going on, my physical health has taken a back seat to my mental health. At one point I was 198lbs. I'm back down to 191lb but that's no where near good enough. Moreover, I feel awful and crave terrible things. I'm achy, tired, and worst of all, I can't keep up with my 7 year old son. He's at an age when he wants to still play with me but after my 8 hour day and 2 hour commute home, I'm exhausted. And it breaks my heart to see his face drop when I tell him I'm too tired to play catch outside.
But this is all changing.
Fall is my favorite time of year. October, especially is my favorite month by far. The air is finally crisp and cool, and it smells AMAZING. I actually prefer cloudy, drizzly days to warm, sunny, cloudless days. The change has motivated me to be more active.
I "ran" on Monday and taught my PiYo class yesterday. For my class, I upped the intensity and it felt great! My students loved it. I've also been going out for more walks during the day to get a break from the office and to enjoy the fall foliage and crisp air. As a result, my body is super fatigued but at the same time I feel grounded. My cravings are pretty much gone. Last night, I was super hungry when I came home so I ran to Subway before Matthew's soccer practice. I didn't feel like eating my usual 6 inch sub so I bought a wrap. I ate half of it and was done -- I saved the rest for Matthew. I was completely satisfied. I even forgot about the free cookie they threw into my bag -- it's still sitting on my kitchen island.
So I'm still feeling tired but it's different. I'm looking forward to when my body finally adjusts to the new lifestyle. It's been awhile, but I remember how I was 5 years ago when I was 2lbs from goal weight and running 5-6 miles 4 times a week. For a moment, I felt that euphoria on Monday during my run/walk. It was a brief moment, maybe lasting a quarter mile of my 2.8 miles, but it still felt amazing. I look forward to stretching and extending that distance and feeling out.
I'll get there again.
Me at work, getting an award for my efforts to support the Women's Forum - July 2019
Matthew and I, November 2018 with my Agency Administrator.
Matthew and I at the finish line of my one and only 10k race, Sept 2015