Thursday, October 03, 2019
I'm feeling like I'm getting back on track. I'm noticing that a big part of my equation is having a purpose, at home, in health, and at work. I think what's really helping me is that I've begun to have purpose again at work.
I've also started to push away my most recent ex, who isn't healthy for me. While she does push me to make changes for the better, she's too intense about it. I don't need to be reminded every minute about it. That just stresses me out.
I completely agree with her, in that I've been not actively working on certain aspects of my life that I should have been, but I realized that that was a defensive measure. By not consciously focusing on the tasks, I have more time to process it and deal with it my way. Facing everything at once throws my anxiety sky high and I cannot make any progress then. So, I'm still working on moving out, etc. Just with a perspective of "set the systems in place and let the process take care of itself."
I'm, once again, forced to rebuild my system. My workout buddy is out for one to two months, so I'm forced to rely on myself for accountability. That's fine, and a skill I need to rebuild. I suppose, the actual skill is "discipline". I've been re-envisioning what I want and I have a deadline for the major goal (which I won't share, because it's complicated and personal).
This added purpose and reduction of stress has been fantastic, but this past weekend, I ate some Chinese and saw a dramatic 8lb jump in my weight. I wouldn't be surprised if it was temporary, but it marks a critical point for me. It marks me gaining back half the weight I had lost. I am determined to reach 250 again before the end of the year.
Sleep Long, Stay Strong, and Keep On Keepin' On!