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Worrying

Thursday, September 05, 2019

I'm running on little sleep today. Couldn't get to sleep and then was up/down for a few hours. The doctor called me with my MRI results and it's not good and has me freaked out.

It shows a "mass" on my spine. WTH! He goes on to tell me that is probably a cyst, but we need to do a MRI w/ contrast to get more details. I couldn't think of anything to ask at that time and was in tears when I hung up. Ugly cried all the way home. Hubby cried as he held me.

So many questions. I googled "cyst on spine". I read that a cyst can form where there are damaged disc spaces due to degenerative changed. I know from xrays last September after the auto accident that there is significant changes at L4-L5 - they have shifted are not in a pretty line. I read on..... most cysts are benign and cause no pain. However, depending on location and size it can begin to press on the spinal cord and nerves - with a list of symptoms that 100% equal what I've been dealing with since July. Sciatica, weak legs, tingling or numbness in legs, issues with leg muscles on the back side of legs. Ok...so maybe it isn't horrible. It said treatment options could be draining the cyst and injecting steroid to reduce the inflammation and swelling. And of course there is surgery.

This morning I emailed my doctor a bunch of questions and now I see him Tuesday afternoon to discuss and review the MRI results.

I'm praying for best case scenario with this. I want so badly to be mobile and active again. I hate this. I need to be working my 2nd job again, because our credit cards only have so much availability - missing $600 mo income. Hubby feels helpless as he cannot work to help. He too has been dealing with a major depression episode and is barely keeping it together.

Emotional eating has been a major issue for me over the last couple of months. Having to walk with a cane to get around and not being able to do any stairs and have constant pain....its exhausting. To the point I often don't care what I eat and then feel like crap later. Yesterday I did really good during the day, but then we ordered Chinese food for dinner. It was really tasty, but I shouldn't have. But at least the whole day wasn't garbage!
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