September 3, 2019 - To work extra early
Tuesday, September 03, 2019
The first day of the undergraduate term begins today...so I came in early. Have leave early to attend a funeral for my neighbors Mom and the following wake back home. She was suffering much...so it is a blessing. So much change going on around me as these neighbors are pulling up stakes and moving to Tenn. So sad for those of us left behind...
I have been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. Not really enjoying work very much (may change with the excitement of new things with this term and being able to participate in the 'education'. Life long learning is exciting. But with my good friends and neighbors moving (also have lot in the last few years 3 of my girlfriends and 1 male friend - 1 passed away suddenly, one moved to Indio which is 3 hours away and 1 to New Jersey which is 3000+ miles away).The fellow just fell off the 'ends of the earth. I am hungry for some new relationships.
I think this mild depression has helped with the out of control eating, the eating to fill an empty space. I am not lonely, I do really enjoy my own company...just feel my circle closing in on me.
My feel lifetime issue has always been 'abandonment' and rejection...I wonder do I need to seek professional help? How do I resolve this, after learning to deal with it for over 50 years? Would I stir up more issues? I often feel like I am an outsider looking in...still after all these years.
Too heavy for this new morning I think and surprised at were this blog is going. On another note - down to 147 this morning. Eating like my life depends upon it. Enjoying 'restraint with water'. It works for me. Cheerio, and I mean it. I set my course for the day...even knowing it will be sad for many reasons.
Went to see The Art of Racing in the Rain...cried like a baby. Went with a friend who is a puppy raiser for CCI. She is turning 86 at the end of the month. Has buried a husband (with cancer not unlike the suddenness of the woman in the movie), buried a daughter (her only child not unlike the movie), and has lost dogs due to age. She remained stoic...I hurt for her and can't imagine how this movie made her keep it together. I liked the movie, the book is always better.