I'm sure anyone who read my stuff or stayed in contact with my page are long gone since I dropped out of sight for apparently a year.
It's been bad. My husband decided he needed to be "alone for a couple of months to see what would make him happy" with no discussion and no thought to what I was supposed to do .. coming out of the blue while we were on vacation on an island with my boss. He then later (couple of months) tells me he doesn't want to be married anymore but still wants me in his life - VIA TEXT. This started last August so you see the gap here.
So I've spent the last year asking myself wtf happened (he doesn't seem to have an answer) and proceeding legally since I can't stay with someone that doesn't me.
I passed our 30th wedding anniversary alone last May - that was a hard day.
The reality here is he was emotionally connect to another woman - and although he said nothing physical was going on I couldn't abide his spending so much time at her house mowing her lawn, painting her walls, shovelling her snow and god knows what else - because hey she was a sad divorcee with depression issues who always saw the best in people and being around her made him happy. And she has a boyfriend so I don't even know what to think here or what the hell he was thinking. She was a teacher whose classroom he volunteered in and I found out that instead of being at school he was at her house doing chores .. so want to tell the school bard on her for abuse of power.
Regardless that isn't cool with me and I won't be second anymore.
What I've learned in the last year is many things:
1. I'm worth it
2. I am enough
3. I don't need to be with someone who can't put my feelings first or thinks it's ok to be that close with another woman
4. I knew this was a problem - and this is the 4th time he's done this - we worked through the first 3 - but I told myself it was ok and I was content
5. This is about his unhappiness and his inability to have anything in his life - he has no friends or hobbies and doesn't know how to make himself happy
6. He cannot tell me what happened because he likely doesn't know himself
Fast forward - legally he and his lawyer are delaying whatever they can taking months to respond - why the mixed messages? My therapist says he didn't think it all the way through with his wanting to be alone for a while and doesn't want me out of his grasp - but the reality is I AM out of his grasp and gone from his existence. Until the legal stuff is signed I can't block his text but all other social media has been done.
I have kept up with my exercise regime - I go every morning at 7:30 to work out with my trainer - for those that remember him
Alas I do eat too much and thus my sugar is higher, I have more muscle, but my weight is still high and my gut is still there.
So I started to track my food again to shame myself sort of by seeing in black and white what I am eating.
And I went to Las Vegas by myself in July because I now can do whatever I want - and on the July 4 holiday took a helicopter into the base of the Grand Canyon and sipped champagne.
Next up Caribbean cruise in November.
My page says I'm emerging little by little .. I guess I am again re-emerging from where I've been.
And I will be great :)
I will have to write a blog about all the things I've been doing :)