Stress, Anxiety, and Disputes
Thursday, July 11, 2019
Ugh. Feeling... off, today. My girlfriend and best friend (who have never met) had an indirect fight through me. T_T Long story short, they have VERY different political views and my best friend is worried that my girlfriend will make me change my beliefs and that will, in turn, cause inner turmoil (which happened in the past). I'm really torn about it because, while I like my girlfriend, I will absolutely choose my friends over her. I've only been dating her for a few weeks and I've known my best friend for about twenty years. To be clear, my values and views align with my friend's, but my girlfriend and I basically agreed to disagree without much fighting. Also, after the first date, I told my friend "I don't know about her" strictly because of my girlfriend's beliefs.
That said, I've got two dates scheduled with her this weekend and I'll be seeing my friend next weekend. I'm not being forced to choose one or the other, but my friend has a solid point. Do I really want to be with someone whose political views are so different from my own? The answer is no, not long term. This could be the beginning of the end, but, for now, it's just for fun.
In other news, no real weight loss this week, that I've seen. It's surprising because I walked a LOT this weekend. I know one day was 9 miles, and the other was 4 miles (both, in the heat no less!). Probably weight due to strength training, dehydration, stress, and not sleeping well (girlfriend is a terrible night owl). I'm trying to get back to tracking accurately. It's hard.
I know that part of my stress is self-imposed, in two parts. For one, I'm trying to please too many people, fulfill too many desires, and my schedule is bursting at the seams. Like, my birthday is next week, but I'm probably not going to be able to stop and celebrate until the end of the month.
The second part of the stress is the opposite. I'm not prioritizing the small things, which adds up. I've got laundry to do, my car and room are a mess, and I have been terrible at getting meal prep done ahead of time. When I do have time, I come to a full stop and relax. Often, that means eating junk. Cookies, cakes, peanut butter (a LOT of peanut butter), bread, junk, etc..
I'm also probably working out too much, but it also doesn't feel like enough. I know you cannot outwork a bad diet, but I'm having a hard time controlling my diet. I know it's all about getting back to my plan, eliminating junk from easy access, etc. It's just doing it.
I think next week, I'm going to do a full "natural foods" week, where it's all whole food, with as little added oil, sugar, etc. as possible. Not as weight loss thing, but just as a "Can I do it for a week?" thing. I'll probably find out something about myself while I'm at it.
Some day my anxiety will be gone and I'll be happy with my body. Today is not that day.
Sleep long, stay strong, and keep on keepin' on!