My fight with the scale
Thursday, June 20, 2019
2BDYNAMIC wrote a blog (link above) about the scale. I agree with her. I don't want to feel bad if the scale doesn't cooperate. I want to take my time and not be in a rush. I want to work with my body.
BUT I am nervous and stressed about it because I have an appointment with the oncologist in a couple of weeks and I know he will not be happy. He is never happy about it. He will want to know why I haven't lost weight. How can I tell him that I have lost a lot of weight, but I seem to be forever in a lose-regain cycle? I don't feel good about that either. He is an award winning doctor, outstanding in his field, but a little brusque in bedside manner. I can get through this.
The scale said I lost a few pounds when I weighed in this week. I felt good. Happy dance. During trips I usually see a gain so I was extra happy for the loss. Maybe I am turning a corner and breaking that pattern. See my last blog.
Today this sinking feeling is trying to tell me it's not enough. Not that I haven't been trying. I don't quit. The tears escape. I don't like being overweight and unhealthy. I determine to stay out of the kitchen. I come to Spark to read and be encouraged to stay tough. I drink water.
I AM on a winning streak. God, please help me be consistent and stay with it day after day, week after week, month after month, and not grow weary and hungry and apathetic. If it's a lifestyle, it should be easier than this. The healthy habits are there, until I choose to do something different. There is always a choice.
I try to live positive. I believe strongly in the power that is unleashed by being positive or by being negative. Negativity takes me places I don't want to go. This tearful phase will pass. I can't do anything about the oncologist's reaction and comments. I can only do what I need to do this day, and repeat it again tomorrow.