Happy Wednesday Everybody!
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
It has been an exciting week so far. Our Miss Dela was in pre labor all day on Monday. Finally, at 7:30 she started having contractions. It took her until 11:36 to have the first puppy. She had eight big, beautiful puppies. Each one had unique and beautiful markings. It was like opening Christmas presents waiting to see what we were going to get next. She had the last pup about 7:30 the next morning. I can't put into words how exciting and exhilarating it is to assist these sweet mommas bring their babies into the world. The time just flies by. I will post so pics to the blog so you can see some of the cuteness. I slept for a few hours during the day yesterday and then was back to work last night because we still have another doodle due tomorrow so it should be anytime now, but thankfully last night wasn't the night. I needed to recover a little more before another all nighter. I am not as young as I used to be.
I had PT this morning for the lymphedema I've recently been diagnosed with. It is a result of the lymph node surgery. It was explained it could happen, it was not explained to me how delicate the area is for at least a year and caution needs to be taken to not over use or exert the arm for at least a year. Well it is my right arm and I might as well not have a left one. I'm so uncoordinated with it. After I had recovered from my last surgery I just dove into work. I overused my arm 6-8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 3 months. Then I started to have the symptoms I was briefly warned about way back at the beginning of my diagnosis. The surgeon sent me to a specialist who diagnosed me with lymphedema and started my PT. I was pretty much fine with it except it takes an hour of my time 3 times a week and it is pretty boring.
Well today took a downhill turn. About half way through my exercises the doctor explained that I would be fitted with a compression stocking for my arm and I just burst out crying. This is not something I do. I told the doctor that the reason I was doing the PT was to avoid having to wear the compression thing. I'm just so frustrated. I want to have that behind me. I don't want to wear a badge everyday that makes me think about it and/or draws attention to me. I hated being bald and let NO ONE see me like that, even my husband. I wouldn't look at my bald head in the mirror, ever. The doctor very nicely explained that due to the severity of my symptoms the stocking is absolutely necessary at this time. Without it I would need to stop using my arm almost entirely while we are working to a undo the damage already caused. This means I couldn't do my beloved job. That's not an option. She promised we can consider this temporary for now and see how much progress I can make. She did say that with the high level of activity associated with my job I may always need it at least while I'm doing the steneous tasks. My heart feels a little broken. A month or so ago I went through my whole house ridding it of anything associated with my cancer. Books, plants, chemo caps, cards and various other gifts were either packed away or tossed out. I will still always have these weird fake boobs as a reminder and believe me that is plenty, and for the time being my hair is crazy. It's about three inches long but it is so curly you can't tell. It looks like a really bad perm. I was warned it may come back curly, especially since I had wavy to curly hair to begin with. But this poodle head is just a cruel joke. Somedays I actually miss my chemo caps. Some of them were much prettier than this mess I've got going on.But I've just been reminding myself its hair, it's only temporary, eventually it will be long again. This arm thing though may always be my cancer talisman unless I want to resign myself to just sitting around all the time for the rest of my life. I literally cannot do that. I would die from depression. Hours of hard, dirty, sweaty work everyday keeps my monsters at bay. I have two speeds, fast and furious or ready for bed because I've thoroughly and completely exhausted myself. My body can be exhausted but my mine is exhilarated from all the endorphins.
I also live in a hot, very humid climate. It is 94 degrees today and that is before factoring in the humidity for the real feel, and it's still May. Just the hour I spent outside with it today was awful. On top of all that, after I get used to these temporary ones they gave me at the doctor's office, which look like gauze, the real ones cost over $100. I don't want to spend $100 on something I hate. I rarely treat myself to anything new or nice. I'm just a shorts, T-shirt and flip-flops kind of girl.
So, I realize I've done a lot of complaining and I apologize for that. Sometimes it just makes me feel better to get it out. Time to stop pitying myself and focus on something positive.
With Love, Cindy