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Jokes and April review and May goals

Tuesday, May 07, 2019

April goal
1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday- still working on this
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 668
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie - still working on this
4 lose weight I now weight 172.6 I lost a little
5. .no eating in the middle of the night- doing better on this
6. really take this healthy journey seriously- working on this
May goal
1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 697 days
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie -
4 lose weight I now weight 172.6
5. .no eating in the middle of the night-
6. really take this healthy journey seriously
7. no eating in bed
8. working on my book 100 days of weight loss by Linda spangle doing this with my bl40 group

Joan went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," she said, "I've got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. Am I going crazy?"
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink, "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those 'Dude Ranch' vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

Funny Inheritance Joke
The Old Perfesser poses the following problem to one of
his classes:
A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go
to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his
brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Pauly raises his
hand and says, “A lawyer?”

Mother's Dictionary of Meanings
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Best Place for Sibling
When Ayush had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Ayush was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Ayush to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Shreya back in your tummy now?"

My Teacher is Thankful
Son: “Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!”
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