Regroup - Recharge
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
As you may know I have struggled a great deal over the past year. I lost my drive and/or desire to watch what I eat and fell off of my low carb/keto healthy lifestyle. I didn't know why. I know what to do, so why can't I get it together? I don't want to be this fat anymore, so why am I eating junk again? What is going on? I know a lot of this is a mental block..but still
I realized some things this past weekend that seemed like a
moment. I started my journey for me. I wanted to feel better, look better and be able to do more things. I was doing it! I was losing inches and was feeling the best ever. I got all kinds of attention from co-workers and friends. Which I loved because it meant I was doing good. But here is the flip side....it also put so much pressure on me to be in the spotlight!
Having been fat my entire adult life (I am 52), been over 240# since puberty, I have felt some sort comfortable in my body. Maybe because I didn't know anything else? The struggles of being fat were not new to me...I have just been dealing with it. I was also sort of invisible to society. I have been dismissed as that fat lady, and I think I grew to be ok with that. I am also a perfectionist that likes to procrastinate too
So I am hard enough on my own and have issues with doing everything right and quickly. But having all those other eyes on me and I felt like I was constantly being scrutinized. I wonder if maybe subconsciously that I wanted to disappear back into the woodwork. My own pressure is more than enough.
I don't know if this solves anything...but I really felt enlightened by this. I hope to use this moving forward. I want to get my journey moving again in the correct direction.
NEVER give up!