SP Premium
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 117,635

Regroup - Recharge

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

As you may know I have struggled a great deal over the past year. I lost my drive and/or desire to watch what I eat and fell off of my low carb/keto healthy lifestyle. I didn't know why. I know what to do, so why can't I get it together? I don't want to be this fat anymore, so why am I eating junk again? What is going on? I know a lot of this is a mental block..but still

I realized some things this past weekend that seemed like a emoticon moment. I started my journey for me. I wanted to feel better, look better and be able to do more things. I was doing it! I was losing inches and was feeling the best ever. I got all kinds of attention from co-workers and friends. Which I loved because it meant I was doing good. But here is the flip side....it also put so much pressure on me to be in the spotlight!

Having been fat my entire adult life (I am 52), been over 240# since puberty, I have felt some sort comfortable in my body. Maybe because I didn't know anything else? The struggles of being fat were not new to me...I have just been dealing with it. I was also sort of invisible to society. I have been dismissed as that fat lady, and I think I grew to be ok with that. I am also a perfectionist that likes to procrastinate too emoticon So I am hard enough on my own and have issues with doing everything right and quickly. But having all those other eyes on me and I felt like I was constantly being scrutinized. I wonder if maybe subconsciously that I wanted to disappear back into the woodwork. My own pressure is more than enough.

I don't know if this solves anything...but I really felt enlightened by this. I hope to use this moving forward. I want to get my journey moving again in the correct direction.

NEVER give up!

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am LCHF too and struggling. In fact on my fasting support Facebook page I kept seeing a percentage of people saying the same. Then I saw a video about will power. It was so interesting. The idea presented was that we have a limited amount of will power each day. We can use it up in all kinds of stressful situations ... like making ourselves get out of bed or talk to someone outside our comfort zone. It's hard to figure out the triggers when I was doing so well before... but that is why I am back in my spark people comfort zone. Where I am accepted as I am today.

    I know that I am amazing. lol, yup, I am. But I have to stay honest. Stay humble. I need to plan, because failing to plan is planning to fail. I need to do things for myself that nourish me.. like be outside (brrr) and play harp, and be creative and make contact with people who care about me. I need enough sleep and to surround myself with positive. I need to do something each day to feel safer, no matter what that looks like. I need to laugh and I need to keep talking about where I am on this journey (blog). I have to be careful how much energy I am putting out there looking after others. It's rather like... being in the spotlight as you described it. If I am pleasing others am I setting myself up for self sabotage? I need to meditate and breath. Thanks... for giving me a chance to say out loud what I need to hear. I hope today is a great day for you! Justyna
    805 days ago
    I understand exactly what you are saying. I'm anxious to lose enough weight for it to be "noticeable" but I don't really want people commenting on my body. I've been there before and put it back on again. Feels like public failure.

    Remembering your "WHY" and keeping your personal goals in my mind is important. You're doing it for the right reasons.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    806 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    806 days ago
    806 days ago
  • JUNETTA2002
    Never give up you can do this.
    806 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.