SP Premium
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints 229,901

I'm drowning here. I hope just for today.

Monday, January 14, 2019

I am so bad at writing my thoughts down. I go back and read and re-read to see if I am saying what I really mean. On my video blogs, I would just say it and let it go out into the universe. Didn't matter if I said the words right or if I punctuated my sentences.... I just said what was in my heart and hoped one or two people understood me. Oh well, those days are gone and I am trying my best to put my words out as I mean them. Forgive me for any grammatical errors.

I feel as if I am drowning with no life jacket. I was hoping in my twilight years I would be happy and content like most of my friends but my weight and my mental state is holding me back. I can't seem to get on track let alone stay on this crazy journey I've attempted for over 40 years. I don't want to go out this life obese. I worry about having to go to the hospital and the medical staff not being able to handle me because of my weight or going to a nursing home and being mistreated because of my weight. I feel so desperate to lose weight that it hinders me because of my worries. Thank God I don't always feel like this but today I am. Please pray (if you are a praying person) for me or just send positives thoughts. They will be appreciated.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Prayers to you every single day. emoticon
    112 days ago
  • JANZDIET2014
    Have you thought of joining a 12 Step Program?

    Pls check-out our team, "12 Steps to Freedom & Healthy Lifestyles" - go to my page and click the icon for more info.
    233 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/24/2019 9:41:55 AM
  • SUNSHINE5268
    just dropping by to say... hey girl! emoticon
    268 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    My dearest friend,

    FIRST, I want to commend you on the way you are sooooooooooooooo OPEN and HONEST with your expressive writing of your true feelings. YOU young lady write beautifullyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy emoticon

    Second.... My heart went out to you because at times, sometimes many times, that is EXACTLY how I feel.

    Except with you, I wondered what you are talking about... your BODY IS TO DIE FOR!!!!
    I have seen your photos on your sparkpage... and I found myself thinking WHAT is she talking about???
    you are gorgeoussssssssssssssssss
    and your body is a body people like me DREAM about***** seriously NO Joke! :-)

    It is amazing how we are the hardest on ourselvessssssssssss aren't we? We don't see what OTHERS see... the beauty..... instead we tend to focus on our seemingly flaws that no one sees but ourselves.

    I am 62
    254 lbs
    I was 350 lbs in 2014, got weight loss surgery, lost 100 lbs and got comfortable at the 250 range for 4 years.... but INSIDE I saw my hugeeeeeeeeeeee stomach. its huge. NOT small like yours :-) I wish I LOOKED LIKE YOU... seriously and one day I will :-)

    I just started going to Zumba class like three weeks ago.... NOT because I wanted to exercise but because I got TIRED of being at home, retired, and lonely because I had no friends in person. I have work friends but its funny when a person retires or leaves the job the friends one thinks they had was in reality ONLY at work... I tried a few times to reconnect, offering lunch, movies etc... but they are busy.
    Retired since August 2019... I would get up early but had no place to go.
    I fell into a depression to be honest.
    Then a spark friend wrote how she was reluctant at times to go to the gym because she felt like she was the biggest person there and I said to myself wow that's how I feel.....then she wrote that she STILL goes to the gym anyways LOL. soooooooooooooo THAT gave me an idea...

    idea: There are PEOPLE AT THE GYM.... just being around people would help me feel LESS lonely.
    So I put my big girl panties on and did some research and found an affordable gym.
    I went in and signed up for a year, paying in advance for one year and started going to Zumba dance classes.
    I worried that I would be the OLDEST person there.
    girllllllllllllllllll, come to find out there was a woman there who is 78 years old!!!!
    I figured if SHE can do it... so can I emoticon

    Been having a BLAST ever since. emoticon

    I dont know all the steps to zumba so sometimes I just March In Place as long as I keep moving. :-)
    emoticon Age in the Zumba class range from 20 to 78 years young emoticon

    Now at age 62 I found a HAPPY place that gets me OUT of the house 5 to 6 days a week and I can't tell you how WONDERFUL IT FEELS TO BELONGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
    Its part of nature to want to belong to or be a part of a group... seriously.
    and now I have people I can socialize IN PERSON with at class.
    We work as a team, encourage one another, give one another hugs, etc. It is just a HAPPY place.
    Side benefit: we get to work out our hearts and muscles while we move LOL smiles.

    NOW I am focusing on learning to eat well.
    I hope that makes sense.
    Like increasing my veggie intake.
    I rarely cook because my viewpoint has been... IF you pay people, they will Cook for You LOL smiles.
    Then I realized that if "I" cook for myself, then I control the ingredients of what I eat :-)
    Like today I actually touched the stove and cooked a veggie and egg and ground beef WRAP or burrito I call it LOL.

    ..... just one step at a time.... one hour at a time, .... one day at a time :-)

    sooooooooooooooooooo lets focus on the BEAUTIFUL YOU emoticon inside and out.

    I share ALL this to say.... you are NOT alone in your feelings and you are certainly NOT alone here with all of us dear friend. YOU are a beautiful person with a GORGEOUS body girl.... if you dont believe me... LOOK in the mirror... I mean REALLY LOOK at how beautiful you are for crying out loud and SEE what I see in You my precious friend who dosen't have a clue at how beautiful she is and how beautiful her body looks emoticon

    EMBRACE the BEAUTY in You emoticon

    273 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    273 days ago
  • MARCIE18
    I am a praying person and I have sent a prayer up for you to the only One who can help you. His name is Jesus Christ. Lean on Him to help you; even with our weight issues. He cares for you.
    274 days ago
  • no profile photo IDAEVE
    Hope all goes better for you tomorrow. Your concerns are valid, but being aware of them is the first step to solving them. All the best to you and prayers!
    274 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.