Day 3: Motivation
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
So some of you were asking about the depression workbook. I took a picture of it below. The past couple of nights I haven't opened it because well I just couldn't muster up the motivation to do anything else but lay in bed and watch a show to distract my thoughts. Many of my thoughts are negative, critical, and judgemental towards myself. I'm not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, I'm a failure, I won't ever be loved etc. I NEED to change this.
Yesterday and this morning were difficult for me. I have a really hard time wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Initially it's difficult because well...I'd rather just sleep lol. But, once I am awake I just stay in bed and fiddle around on my phone and don't want to face the world. Yesterday I even called in sick from work because I was just feeling way too low to want to be around people. I eventually got my day going and things got better but this morning it was the same situation. I struggled to get out of my bed because that is where I felt the safest and I wouldn't have to face the world. I had a meeting today on campus so that's what forced me to get my butt moving.
So last night I told myself that I would get up and go for a run this morning. That of course didn't happen. I think part of this has to do with me feeling like I'm going to fail at it. I hate that feeling, of being bad at something. I realize in order to become good at something I have to start somewhere but I have this mental block that I just need to bust through and get over this ridiculous thought process. Anyways I'm going to sleep in my workout clothes tonight and set my alarms to make sure I have as little that I need to do in the AM before going on my run.
As I mentioned, here is that workbook. I brought it on campus with me today so that during some moments I have breaks between classes and students, I can get through another chapter.