My son, Joey, age 26, passed away on 11/22/14 from anorexia.
I grieve every single day.
This year it landed on Thanksgiving Day.
Thanksgiving is always hard - this Thanksgiving Day even harder. I wanted to go away, but couldn't - my husband has to work this weekend. Everyone automatically says "Happy Thanksgiving". It's not for me. Seems like everyone asks - what are you going to do for Thanksgiving? Where are you going for Thanksgiving? What are you making? I know they don't think about it, but, it is such a hard holiday for those who have lost a loved one. It's also very hard for anyone suffering from a life threatening eating disorder. So many triggers.
I try to keep in mind the real purpose of Thanksgiving - giving thanks to God for our freedom, including the freedom to worship. Those pilgrims had an enormous amount of faith to leave everything and be mushed like sardines with little food and water; while sailing on the Mayflower for two plus months. A lot of faith, also, that they would make it safely to the US. I think about the children on the Mayflower and the parents who brought them along. Wow. How scary that must have been!
So, this Thanksgiving, I had three choices - stay home with hubby and feel sorry for myself or go out to my mother-n-laws where multi-families are celebrating or entertain family and friends at my house. I always have to remember hubby when I make decisions and opted to find a positive solution.
I reminded my mother-n-law that Thanksgiving was my son's anniversary of his death and I could not sit and eat with many families who were celebrating. That was too much. I felt bad, but, remembered my therapist telling me to do what I was comfortable with. I had my mother-n-law over with my son, girlfriend, and my parents for an early celebration.
I decided to try to find a place that needed volunteers serving Thanksgiving dinner to the less fortunate. Hubby was ok with this idea. So, after church, we ended up at Little Sisters of the Poor and served and cleaned up dinner served to the elderly in their care. I have always wanted to do this - and now I did! My husband really enjoyed himself, and I ended up finding 4 more volunteers!
We went home, took a nap, and then went to his best friend's house for dinner. My son and his girlfriend dropped in later - after visiting her family in Pennsylvania.
The day ended up being better than anticipated.
During my son's illness. my blood pressure went up, my thyroid went kapooyie, and my cholesterol went sky high. For several years I simply "quit". How does one who needs to diet, diet after their son dies from dieting?? I literally watched him starve to death - I couldn't stop him. I now know I suffer from "disordered eating".
I have now chosen a healthy food plan. I have cleared it with my Doctor who will run blood tests again in three months. I have to get off these meds and get my energy back.
And, I stayed very close to my food plan! I brought tofu chicken. My only splurge was 3 bites of homemade pecan pie and two tablespoons of crock pot cranberry sauce I brought. Both were delicious and I don't regret it. I bypassed cheese, crackers, dip, stuffing and brownies!
It's been a hard balancing act after watching and then losing my son to an eating disorder.
I am closing in on week 4 of my new food plan. I told hubby the hardest part was giving up cheese. Almost 4 weeks later and it is no longer a temptation.
I am feeling so much better now. I am also having fun with veggies! My neighbor is away this week and receives a box of fresh veggies every other week. They gave me theirs since they are away.
So far, I made stuffed poblano peppers which tasted better than they look! broiled the poblanos, then stuffed with brown rice, diced tomatoes, black beans, cumin, cilantro - then topped with salsa and after baking topped with advocado dressing (advocado, cilantro, lime juice, honey, evoo, and cumin - I ate this with boiled red potatoes:
and made a rice bowl:
...tomorrow I am going to make a chowder with kohlrabi - stay tuned!!