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BABYBARNEY
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SHAME Resilience = COURAGE...

Tuesday, September 04, 2018

This summer I have added some books focused on spirituality that I am finding fascinating...what a way to relate,.,.,.Here is a FAVOURITE I am presently reading & can I RELATE TO THIS ONE! The Gifts Of Imperfection...Let Go Of Who You Think You Are Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are,,,Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life written by Bren'e Brown.

It talks about feelings of unworthiness, people pleasing, being authentic & feeling vulnerable. The AHA MOMENT came to me in the description of the difference between Shame & Guilt...

Here was my example: Most of this summer I have not sparked regularly. My team activity has been hit & miss. My weight has climbed, which led to the vicious circle of guilt of overeating, not making healthy food choices, watching too much TV., making excuses like the weather has been a great one due to our high heat this summer. Then the shame of realizing...I did this to me..I need to set a good example since I am a fitness leader out in the community as well as a team leader on our spark site.

Description SHAME IS I AM BAD. GUILT IS I"VE DONE A BAD THING. Both of these are related to emotional eating issues, addiction, bullying, depression, aggression & violence.
So I'm displaying my vulnerability in spark land because I know it is my safe place to share my story, such that it is.

My sharing with you I am freeing myself from those physical feelings of tightness in my shoulders, heat in my cheeks & a pit in my stomach that I get when I attempt to people please & it doesn't work out.

Yesterday, I was beginning my new fall regiment of MINDFUL eating & no eating after dinner. As I relaxed watching TV, I felt the craving for sweets that have been common with me due to a habit forming pattern of late. I went to the pantry, counting out the portion of 8 pretzels & added a heaping TBSP. of nutella...I sucked off the salt & enjoyed them all lickety split...That wasn't enough so I went back, grabbed the bag & filled a bowl with more pretzels & yes, more nutella. I washed it all down with an 8 oz. glass of 1% milk.

When I was done, the physical feelings of shame washed over me that I described previously. I can't believe I did that, I said to myself...so sad & upset with myself...Then guilt took over, what would others think of my behaviour...my hubby would see the nutella dishes in the sink...so the secret washing up began...what would my class think today as I had the bloated belly syndrome at my group session today...that would require a loose fitness top to cover my mid section...people pleasing at its best!!!

I am spilling my bloated guts to you all as my way to cleanse my spirit & let you know that we all have our issues at one time or another & just because you fall off the wagon, it doesn't me you should feel less than...it was a hard lesson to impact me & yes I'm not perfect but no matter how I am perceived by others, I am good enough for me...feeling the freedom of courage & striving to add shame resilience to my life.

How courageous are you?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DAWNDMOORE40
    Sandi- I have been bad about going over to other people's blogs and realized I had not been doing that lately. I just wanted to say that you are a very brave woman to share your story. You are a survivor! We all have things deep down inside of us that we need to let go of in order to move forward! You are doing a great job, and yes it's true we have bad days and good days, but we must not let that define who we are! I will pray that God allows the holy spirit to guide you in your thoughts and actions and allows for peace in your heart! I can relate to late night eating especially since I have been more stressed out lately. It's ok when we fall off the wagon, it's not failing but learning from the experience. We can do this especially with all the support we have from our Spark friends! God bless you and may he help you have better days! emoticon
    394 days ago
  • KATHYSCOLLIES
    Sandi - Sorry, I just saw your blog now - don't know how I missed it!

    You have nothing to feel guilty or shameful about. Life happens, and gets in our way at times - everyone has to deal with stuff like this at some point!!!

    What you have done by putting yourself out there for all to see is the act of a very BRAVE woman, someone who knows that she is not perfect and does her best to improve on those imperfections as she is able... what more can be asked of any human being than to TRY and NOT GIVE UP!!!

    You are amazing to me, dear friend and someone that I am indeed proud to count among those closest and dearest to my heart!

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    415 days ago
  • TRAILWALKERJO54
    You are discovering ...
    -- a learning process

    and discovering about yourself

    good for you ... one step at a time
    441 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    will have to look for this book............
    thanks
    441 days ago
  • RETIREDGMA
    Oh yes, I have do e the same. Even used a paper towel instead of a plate so it can be recycled not left to be washed up!
    441 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    HUGS to you. You have had stressors, and for sure, that's not an excuse but the craving of sweet/salty/fatty snacks is just another manifestation of that stress.

    HUGS to you, I repeat! You ARE not a bad person! I am proud of you for blogging it out here. NOW you can get suggestions and help!

    I just know for me, when I was under extreme stress doing caregiving, I simply had to keep the sweert/salty/fatty snack stuff out of the house. It was a whole lot easier to not put it in my cart, then to try to avoid the siren song of them calling me from the pantry.


    442 days ago
  • BLESSEDNAENAE
    I think I would love this book
    442 days ago
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