Progress in BED Recovery
Friday, July 13, 2018
As I mentioned in a previous blog, I've been in BED recovery and seeing a therapist and nutritionist and taking Topamax 4xdaily (300 mg). Things have been going fairly well, although I've had some things I haven't been too happy about. Therapy is going well and I like my therapist although she wants me to be more social than I really like being. She pushes me to do a lot of things that I wouldn't choose to do on my own. And I really hate the nutritionist. She's not teaching me anything new and I think she misinterprets things about me. She thinks I have all these really strict food rules and that I'm too attached to the scale and she doesn't want me weighing myself anymore because I weigh myself every day and she thinks it's bad for me. She thinks I have a good day if I get a good number on the scale and a bad day if I get a bad number. Which isn't really true. I use HappyScale so it averages everything out and figures out the trends so I can see that overall I'm losing at whatever rate and however much and so I don't worry as much about the everyday numbers. She also lectured me about the scale being affected by how much salt you eat etc. as if I didn't know all this stuff already. And she said I have a bad relationship with food because I think some foods are bad that really aren't because on my food & feelings journal I considered eating toast with butter to be a bad decision and called it a binge. She didn't think it was bad but I did. Well...my reasoning behind that was that white bread is bad for your blood sugar and butter is hard to measure also you tend to put a lot of butter on things and there's 100 calories in a tbsp of butter plus butter is terrible for you, etc.....but I guess according to her toast with butter is good for you. And it's like, the point of this whole thing is I'm trying to stop binging plus lose weight and yet she sat there and lectured me about my food tracking and said I'm too detailed about my food tracking because I care about how much protein, fiber, sodium, etc. is in everything and she said that I am trying to make things too perfect and getting caught up in the minutiae of detail. I got really angry at her and told her I didn't think tracking was bad. I think she's a HAES dietician cos she gave me these papers about mindful eating. And I told her I read the entire Intuitive Eating book and did the workbook already and tracking just works better for me than just eating willy nilly which is what IE basically is. Anyway she told me that she wanted me to stop weighing myself altogether and only get weighed when I came in to see her and she wasn't going to tell me what the number was. Well I wouldn't agree to it. No f'ing way was I going to do that. These "don't weigh yourself" people get tiresome after a while. I know from experience that I do better when I weigh myself than when I don't. Anyway, as far as how I've been doing with the weight loss, I seem to be losing weight at about a pound a week. Although I got a new scale that reads bodyfat (and pretty much everything else) and it says I'm 3 pounds heavier than my other scale so I had to start everything over on HappyScale so I could now use the readings from this new scale and see if I am losing weight or not. So that's been a point of stress this morning. I thought I was 15 pounds down....oh well at least I am still 10 pounds down. Otherwise not much going on. I'm done with physical therapy now and Jeff says my spine is in alignment now but my back still hurts. Still taking the naproxen. Still trying to quit smoking, doing okay with that I guess, not enjoying it. Nothing else new.