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The switch clicked.....

Thursday, March 29, 2018

“It's like a switch, clickin' off in my head. Turns the hot light off and the cool one on, and all of a sudden there's peace.”
― Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

These lines from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" are spoken by the character, Brick, as he contemplates his alcoholism. I've often identified with the lines. I, too, have a switch. I managed to turn it on somehow last September and have since then lost 30 pounds with a lot of quiet determination. Every week a little bit more; that's all. Just a little bit more. I experimented with diets and found a place that seemed rational. Low-moderate carb; low but not too low calorie. I managed to stay there and never got complacent. I am an emotional eater. I know that to be true. When the switch is on, I don't feel those irrational cravings.

But I was triggered and the switch turned off a couple of days ago. I know what triggered me and I know why. Now I need to figure out how to turn it back on. I need my switch back. When the switch is off it makes perfect sense to my crippled mind to find consolation in carbs; to get my emotional comfort blanket covered and swaddled about me--but that comfort blanket is woven of sugar and white foods. It seems as if it's urgent that I eat a Saltine. And then another. And then the entire box.

I need to get the switch back on. I need to recognize my triggers and walk away from them. No matter how mortified I am or how much I know that I will be judged harshly.

The past always casts a very long shadow. But sometimes a little trigger, which the rest of the world can handle is for me like a blinding strobe light.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MOONGLOW20
    None of us are perfect, so don't be too hard on yourself. I have my own emotional trigger switches which make me crave sweets and (empty) carbs, so I get it. The boredom and lack of sunlight are triggers for me that make me crave the junk and too much of it, so I gained a few pounds since Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that my switch has flickered on in the past month or 2. I hope you get your "cool" switch turned back on soon. Wishing you all the best.
    1129 days ago
  • MINNIEUK
    I hope you can get your switch turned back on. emoticon
    1131 days ago
  • ANNIES-APPROVED
    Music. Try music, m'dear friend. It's a switch flipper. ::hugs::
    1131 days ago
  • PIPPAMOUSE
    You can do it. We are here for you emoticon
    1134 days ago
  • RENEEGADE
    Hang in there! If I can't beat a switch then I work for it! I burned a lot of calories today so that I could enjoy a small piece of dessert tonight. It's all about negotiating the obstacles. Good luck!
    1134 days ago
  • AKA_TROUBLE
    Yeah, crackers are hard to turn off once I get started on them. Hope you find your switch soon.
    1134 days ago
  • POSITIVEHOPE
    I’ve been at this since 2008. Log time. Lots of downs and ups.

    Falling off the wagon is really painful. Yes, we all have triggers. Yet, I still find the potholes to be so deep and unexpected. First there is the trigger. Usually emotional pain. Then comes the eating. The food isn’t satisfying like it used to be. Even my favorite foods fail to soothe my heart. I keep eating. Next, I feel fear. I’m gonna regain all that I’ve lost. Then I start beating myself up as if this time those words would create a different outcome. I keep eating until I discover the same old reason I started every healthy weight loss journey. The pain of being overweight is greater than the pain and effort of being on the journey. Now, I think, I’m ready to get back on the wagon. I make a true attempt and stumble. It’s hard. My fear grows larger. I eat. This has been known to go on for 6 months. Repetition reveals so insight at last.

    To get back on the wagon, I must first overcome my fear. We’ve all done that lots of times. We call it diet day one. But what makes it stick? Celebration. Simple self affirmation. The cheering we all do for each other and for ourselves. Those little tiny successes that lead to a successful 15 min, 1 hr and finally for one healthy day. I start with a glass of water. Then I plan a healthy choice. Then I eat a healthy meal and track it. Atta girl!

    Binge eating upsets our balance. I could begin the day okay and stumble at 4PM every afternoon. Do that a few days in a row and talk about feeling scared. Eating a healthy menu feels exactly like deprivation. Where’s the rest of my meal? That’s when it hit me. I needed fiber. Food fiber and supliments helped me get through the first few days without feeling deprived and scared. After a week, my body adjusted and I didn’t NEED the fiber to feel okay. The more celebrating I did the better I felt. By the end of a week, I couldn’t believe that a healthy journey every felt hard. Don’t worry about working on your triggers until you are back on the wagon. They will still be there and you can work to fix them in a few weeks.

    We’ll, that how I finally figured out how to get back on the wagon. Putting a hand out there for you if you need help getting aboard. Offering help is another wonderful celebration for me.





    1135 days ago
  • LIVES-I-TOUCH
    emoticon with the weight loss!

    I hope you are able to find the key to flipping the switch back on again soon. We're cheering for you!!!!!!
    1135 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Proud of you w/the weight release. Excellent.
    1135 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I have problems with certain foods. They raise my blood sugar and cause me to want to eat constantly without ever being satisfied. Crackers are on that list - a slippery slope for me. Even if I measure out a serving I end up telling myself - "that isn't very much". I always want more but have learned to quit.
    1135 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/29/2018 5:43:47 PM
  • _RAMONA
    GREAT job on the weight loss!!! I'm SO glad you've found something that does work for you!

    I'm sorry about the "switch" (great line) getting tripped. I'm pretty sure everyone has one. My triggers are lack of sleep, clutter, feeling overwhelmed/powerless in any given situation, and anger.

    For me, whether or not I'm vulnerable to my triggers is clearly influenced by whether or not my BG is well under control (low normal), and my ketones are high (the switch is on). If I drop out of nutritional ketosis, and my BG goes up (the switch is off) it's much harder for me to resist my triggers and choose well (apparently my brain doesn't work well on glucose). It continues to surprise me how definite this is (I've been watching the pattern for a year now).... and if I get out of balance, fasting immediately sets me right again (flips the switch back on)... I can actually FEEL the shift as it happens.

    Perhaps fasting might help you turn your own switch back on?

    No matter what, I'm rooting for you! You turned it on once you can do it again!
    emoticon
    1135 days ago
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