My Depression Battle
Tuesday, February 06, 2018
I just want to warn some that this blog may be a TRIGGER POST for some.
Still trying to adjust back to reality & all the things I need to get caught up on. However, for those wondering about me and my hospital stay, I'll fill you in. I wasn't going to because well mostly I was kind of ashamed but a friend reminded me that I shouldn't be ashamed in getting help that I needed/need. I've been battling depression for many years. It wasn't until after my DD was born that I sought help from my doctor and he put me on medication from it. Over time we had change and switch them a handful of times. He suggested counseling at one of my last physicals cuz I was still pretty up and down with how I was feeling but I never made an appointment due Timmy anxieties about making the appointment and my fear of it not working or being judged. Well as we all know, life can be pretty stressful at times depending what's going on. Well my depression has caused some issues with me getting a job outside the home thus leading to financial stress for my husband & I. We've also been dealing with my DD's sometimes rather frustrating behaviors at home. Well last Monday, I just hit rock bottom. That afternoon after picking my daughter up from school she started giving me attitude over nothing like she often does and I just lost it, yelling & screaming back & forth with her and my husband trying to intervene and causing him & I to do the same. Everything had become just too much. At one point I grabbed a knife and held it up to my neck. I'm not sure why. I've never been suicidal or anything but I quickly put it back & said I was leaving and left the house on foot and headed to a nearby park. My husband was worried about me given my state and called the police who started looking for me. They stopped by a few friends and family that lived close by to see if I was there or they'd seen me. I had them calling and texting me to try to get a read on my phone. For whatever reason they couldn't. Eventually, prolly 2 hours later I finally gave in and told DH where I was and soon after the police came and found me and talked to me and talked me into getting help that I so desperately needed but never too before. So one of the officers took me to hospital where I checked myself in to get some help. I didn't like being there and just wanted to go home but knew I needed it. My meds were upped and some added. I attended groups and things at the hospital like they wanted me to and they scheduled appointments with a psychiatrist & psychologist for me before I was released on Thursday. It was very weird and different once I got out but I'm glad that it happened. Today I met my psychiatrist and talked with her about my meds and things and she added one more - a mood stabilizer so that is where I'm at right now. Sorry this is so long but I just felt like I wanted to share. Better days are ahead!!!!
Thank you for letting me share my story & journey!