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My Depression Battle

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

I just want to warn some that this blog may be a TRIGGER POST for some.

Still trying to adjust back to reality & all the things I need to get caught up on. However, for those wondering about me and my hospital stay, I'll fill you in. I wasn't going to because well mostly I was kind of ashamed but a friend reminded me that I shouldn't be ashamed in getting help that I needed/need. I've been battling depression for many years. It wasn't until after my DD was born that I sought help from my doctor and he put me on medication from it. Over time we had change and switch them a handful of times. He suggested counseling at one of my last physicals cuz I was still pretty up and down with how I was feeling but I never made an appointment due Timmy anxieties about making the appointment and my fear of it not working or being judged. Well as we all know, life can be pretty stressful at times depending what's going on. Well my depression has caused some issues with me getting a job outside the home thus leading to financial stress for my husband & I. We've also been dealing with my DD's sometimes rather frustrating behaviors at home. Well last Monday, I just hit rock bottom. That afternoon after picking my daughter up from school she started giving me attitude over nothing like she often does and I just lost it, yelling & screaming back & forth with her and my husband trying to intervene and causing him & I to do the same. Everything had become just too much. At one point I grabbed a knife and held it up to my neck. I'm not sure why. I've never been suicidal or anything but I quickly put it back & said I was leaving and left the house on foot and headed to a nearby park. My husband was worried about me given my state and called the police who started looking for me. They stopped by a few friends and family that lived close by to see if I was there or they'd seen me. I had them calling and texting me to try to get a read on my phone. For whatever reason they couldn't. Eventually, prolly 2 hours later I finally gave in and told DH where I was and soon after the police came and found me and talked to me and talked me into getting help that I so desperately needed but never too before. So one of the officers took me to hospital where I checked myself in to get some help. I didn't like being there and just wanted to go home but knew I needed it. My meds were upped and some added. I attended groups and things at the hospital like they wanted me to and they scheduled appointments with a psychiatrist & psychologist for me before I was released on Thursday. It was very weird and different once I got out but I'm glad that it happened. Today I met my psychiatrist and talked with her about my meds and things and she added one more - a mood stabilizer so that is where I'm at right now. Sorry this is so long but I just felt like I wanted to share. Better days are ahead!!!!

Thank you for letting me share my story & journey! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Getting life and health together is hard enough to deal with and adjust to when trying to work in between work, kids, hubby, and just life continuing to move. It can be exponentially harder when you feel like you are battling yourself as well. I know what that feels like. I am sorry that you are faced with that problem as well, and it can be of little comfort sometimes. However, I hope that you know the people here are always here to support and encourage you. There is no judgement for dealing with depression or needing and seeking help. We are all of us here for you and to remind you that if ever, you need a cheering squad for the tiny things, we are always ready with pompoms. Anytime you need a hug or an ear, I am here.
    1270 days ago
  • BEFIT021
    I'm so glad you got the help you needed.

    1270 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/11/2018 8:38:23 AM
    1271 days ago
    I'm so glad you got the help you needed. Things will get better. Definitely go to counseling, they're not there to judge you they're there to help you. Not all therapists are the same so if the first one isn't a good fit don't be afraid to try another.

    Huge hug emoticon If you ever need, I am a text away.
    1273 days ago
    I am so glad you went ahead and did what you did. Yes, better days are ahead. :-)
    Peace and love emoticon
    1274 days ago
    So glad you are starting to get help. I have always been "functional" in spite of my life long inherited depression. I was so relieved when I finally got the right help! It was like I had been walking through molasses my whole life and that was gone now. My favorite counselor just retired, boo hoo. They are not all the same, so don't give up if the first one is not a good fit. You have nothing to be ashamed of. There are many of us. We did nothing to deserve this and there is help available. Hugs.
    1274 days ago
    Very sorry you're going thru this. BUT I am very proud of you for getting the help that will hopefully turn things around for you and happy you shared. You just never know . . . there could be just one other person out there who is on the fence about getting help, too and you could influence them to do so. It isn't easy.

    HUGS to you. Don't know how old your DD is, but mine is 22 and has enough 'tude for an army of people. It's settling down a bit, but it takes it's toll!

    Hugs (can't ever have too many).
    1274 days ago
    Hugs - it sounds like you have a super supportive team on your side working all together to help you find the peace and happiness you deserve. I also need to seek someone to speak to - I think in the long run it helps us to get things out instead of keeping in all inside us - until we hit rock bottom emoticon
    1275 days ago
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